Support for Spook 2

[Janstar]

Here it is.

Yay Spook!

Just like Janstar says, there will still be ups and downs, but the ups will just get bigger and better until, one day, it's pretty much all up. Good on ya, girl!

We're away first two weeks in August.

Oh OK.So am I. Hopefully after that then? Are you going anywhere nice??

i know how you feel spook my h has been a complete shit too

Oh hi Numb. You hanging on in there honey??XX

Just to say hello Spook, and Numb, how's it going? Hope the holiday is lovely - sun and nice people and your lovely boys.

HI Sykes. Thankyou honey.Am really really looking forward to it. I've been smiling an awful lot the past few days. My face doesn't know what's hit it Hope you're doing OK. Have been thinking about you XXX

That's brilliant - the fact you're smiling, I mean, but v nice you've thought of me. We've been down to Devon for a week, may go to France and are going to Mauritius in September - can't wait AND have sort of left work - still bits to do, but having a facial and a very indulgent day tomorrow. IT's a Karin Herzog oxygen thingy so I shall look embarassingly young, or else I shan't pay. God, I love facials. Hope the boys are okay.

Hi Spook!

Wow what a transformation! YOu really do seem to be coming out the otherside of it all right now. What's lovely about it is that the timing is just right to enjoy your summer with the boys. They must be so relieved to have one parent who seems to be on the same planet as them and who is looking out for them emotionally!

Keep it up - it really has been wonderful to hear you so positive

We're doing Ok. We're having some really really nice times together and I get more than my fair share of love and kisses. Are you all going to mauritius??

WEll, four tickets are booked, but depending on how things go my nanny/a friend may come. Don't know whether this is useful to say but a few months ago wouldn't even have thought about going with h - things change, so much. we're now going to counselling. H left his gf after a year - about two months ago and he's now in a flat on his own - one of my VERY many stipulations about whether we may have a future together or not. Haven't a clue, really. Had just recently embarked on seeing someone - saw him for about four months, am worried about so many things and feel it's a bigger deal reconciling than getting married etc in the first place. But honestly, never thought until fairly recently he'd leave his gf. Despite the fact I'd heard she was dreadful.

hi spook i am hangin on in there thanks, but just when i think he has done everything he can to hurt me something else will happen. They are sooo selfish

Syke. Good luck honey. I know you're going to need it! Numb-I know exactly what you mean but you WILL get to the point where he can't hurt you anymore. NOTHING they say is true you know. And deep down he ofcourse knows that.It's just their way of avoiding looking at themselves coz if they did they really wouldn't like it.Someone else has to be in the firing line.
Hi Soapbox.Sorry-posts crossed last night. I am doing great thanks. It's a bit worrying though coz I keep wondering when I'm going to fall again.Where the next punch in the stomach will come from.But I find myself going hours without thinking about him.And when I get up in the morning my first thoght is the boys smiles-NOT him!
Thanks for your kind words {{{}}}

Hi spook. Not going anywhere exciting like you I'm afraid. Cheapo caravan holiday . s year old ds won't care though.

After mid-August is good for me.

3 yr old ds I mean!

Very pleased to hear the boys are being so affectionate - it will be great for them to spend so much stable, everyday time with you, Spook. I was thinking of them and their questions last night, when Ds, nearly 3, was prevaricating about getting into bed and asking 'do owls have ears, Mummy? Why don't owls have ears? Do flamingoes have ears...etc'.

Sykes - I knew someone here was going to Mauritius - we're off for a month in the Autumn as the ILs are Mauritian. Have a look at what I wrote on the Travel board, when someone else was asking about it.

Spook, are you back yet? This is janstar btw, I have changed my nickname.

Hi anorak!! Yes I am. Had a fab time but for some reason feeling a bit low today.Thanks for your e-mail. I'm going to reply to it today. I'm on my way!!!

Hope you are somewhere nice Spook - presume you are away? XXXX

How funny this should pop up in active conversations. I was thinking about Spook this morning and thought I must go through the relationship section and find that thread and see how she is.
Well thinking about you spook and sending you my love. TC xx

Hi Blu. Hi Thomcat. No I'm not away. Had a lovely week in Ibiza with people that loved us and we laughed alot. Then came home and both myself and DS1 came down like a ton of bricks. I said nothing to him but isn't it funny how even a 7 year old can feel that sense of coming home and the realisation that nothing has changed. Same old shit to welcome you. Been a bit of a rollercoaster week really (so what's new) Hadn't felt so down as I did on Monday for a long time. I miss that pig of a darling man so so desperately it seems to becoming more of an ache than a pain. Does that make sense? There is just a huge hole in my heart where he once was. Another stage I guess.
He will be served with judicial seperation papers next week. Because he wouldn't give me his address (silly man) he has to be actually physically served in his office infront of his staff. That will not be pleasant for him. I sent him a mail tonight to warn him and let him know that I never ever wanted any of this. He threw in the towel! Anyway-we're off to gorgeous St Tropez for 2 weeks on Monday then hopefully off on a road trip to visit my guardian angel that is Janstar!!
Hope you're both keeping OK? And thankyou so much for checking in on me. I can't tell you how much your concern means to me xxxxxx

Sorry you hit a downer when you got home. Sadly, I think that's probably inevitable - and completely understandable that each new thing makes you miss him once more in that particular circumstance. It is true that family holidays contribute so much to the collective memory as a family, and you are now starting to build a new bank of memories that are about you and the boys without Him. It's sad, and is bound to feel sad. Sorry. But is is also strong, and you are doing well, taking each agonising step one by one.
Hah: it is a pleasingly humiliating vision of him being served with the papers - and for once he can't blame you, as the decision to withold his address was all his. hah!
One thing: things that are 'inevitable' mean that they are not your fault, or your failing. you don't need to feel guilty or a failure for succumbing to feeling down.
St Tropez sounds v fab....and i'm dying to hear how you and Janstar...i mean Anorak, get on. What do you think of her name change?
Love and hugs, Blu

My ears were burning.

Have a lovely time in St Tropez Spook. I shall be sunning myself in less exotic Lincolnshire!

We'll email when we're back then and sort out this epic journey. I can't wait! I already have Kayleigh lined up for a girlie night and I'm sure there will be others too. Thomcat is near enough!

Where do you live, blu?

Spook, hang on to the fact that one day you and dss happiness is not going to hinge on this one man. And that day is coming soon. You are much closer to the end of this journey than to the beginning.

I live in Brixton, and like to see it as trendy and charismatic rather than inner-city-depths.