Support for Spook 2

[Janstar]

Here it is.

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Hi all of you and thanks as always for you invaluable input. It's so good to know you're all there. Thanks for your words of strength and telling me what a wonderful mum I am! Not deserved I don't think but thankyou! Taramac-thanks for joining the thread-it's so nice to see a new name.
Well, I sent it! I tweaked it a bit-made it,if anything a little less confrontational but I am completely sure you're all right.It will make not the slightest difference but he's just picked them up for a sleepover and hopefully some of it may go into that thick head of his. I wonder if he's put his pictures of Catsuit Kat away? I really hope so.
I had to fill in some form from the court about the children this morning.God-that was so weird. But I am really really really!!!getting stronger.I absolutely could not care less what he thinks about anything anymore. All I feel is some sort of pity for him and absolute disbelief that a person can change so much. It astonishes me how much I've come on in the last week or two.
Hurray!!

ho spook ive never posted on this thread either, but i just wanted to say that you are a brill mother and you do deserve it when people say that, u sound much stronger now keep it up love nikki xxxxx p,s your boys sound like little darlings xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Nikki! They are-loud little darlings,but little darlings all the same. Things are very quiet around here when they're not around

Hi Spook. I'm glad you sent it. You may get a bit of backlash, but you're prepared for it, I expect, nd if it wasn't for this it would be for something else. That guilt that's eating away at his insides is very real. I hope you're right and some of it sinks in. Surely he's hearing this stuff from sources other than you? What about friends and his parents? I think you said his parents were really shocked by his behaviour - are they telling him the consequences of his actions?

I just want to second everyone else: you do sound so much stronger, Spook, and you are doing a fantastic job with your boys. You've been a rock in their lives where they desperately needed one to cling on to. I'm sure there have have been bad days, but we all have those, when we're less than ideal parents, even when we're not going through the ordeal that you are. Be proud of yourself, honey. We're proud of you.

Thanks Ponygirl. I really appreciate that. I'm glad I sent it to. Those boys need some help from their daddy.

Hi Spook

Just wanted to say am so glad you are feeling stronger. Hope you know what I mean when I say it sounds as if you are moving forward through the process of grieving/coming more to terms with it all and that is so positive. Of course it will take lots of time but you are really going in the right direction and you should be so proud of yourself. Loads of love to you and your boys. (((())))

Message withdrawn

Hi everyone.Just wanted to say cheerio. I'm off to Ibiza for a week so I'll see you all (virtually)when I get back! xxxxxx

Dear Spook have a FANTASTIC time 'see'you when you get back

xxxxx

Well well well. What a surpirse. Bearing in mind I tweaked the letter to put stuff in about how much he loved the boys and I know how hard it is for him to take time off work-here is his charming reply....

Thanks.

I do not want to wait seven days to see my boys, nor do I want them
to go away without me. Mr Nobody has been around for ages and
is nothing to do with me.
Joe's sarcasm is his way of dealing with his anger. I know he is very
angry with me.
I want to see the boys as much as possible but have been adhering
to your wishes as I respect your need to deal with things the way you
see fit regardless of whether it meets with any approval from me.

It's Joe's request to go to Majorca. We might go camping in the
Lakes for a night. I don't know yet.

I will let you know next week, before you leave when I can take time
off. While everyone is swanning around the Med I have to try and make
some money. I know what I'd rather be doing.

I have felt shit all week. Now I feel worse.

Hmmm, are you getting to him Spook? I do hope so (at last!). It's still 'poor little me' which is no surprise, is it? I don't think there's anything more you can say or do. He obviously won't be rational until he's stopped wallowing in self-pity.Shrug it off, Spook. You tried, and it's possible your words have had more affect on him than is shown here. xxx

Hi Spook, have a FANTASTIC holiday. It's so great to 'see' you going off to have a great time with your boys and sounding so well and happy. Good on you! Love ponygirl xxx

I HATE that swanning round the med some people have to work comment - FUCKWIT

How about

"While some people are swanning around the baltic with Baby Spice someone has to raise your children"

D'you know.The whole thing actually really makes me laugh. It really really does. Don't know whether I am still pissed from last night but his self-pitying pathetic denial and wallowing has really cheered me up. And Becca LOL !!!
No mention of what a great job I'm doing bringing up those two beautiful children or how I can choose to go on holiday (to our OWN FUCKING HOUSE!!!!) or stay in Newcastle for 10 weeks in the pissing rain. God-what a sad pathetic man he has become.The thought of those two together now just makes me LAUGH!!! Never have two nasty sad paople been so welcome to each other.What a fab life they're going to have.

HURRAY FOR SPOOK!!!!

Thanks Ponygirl!!!

HI Spook, I too have been following all the horrid episodes you've had to deal with in recent months and I too haven't felt I've had anything constructive to add up to now. But I'd just like to say that you must have hit the nail on the head with your letter, because your xh's reply seemed about as good as you might expect, given what you've explained about his actions and behaviour towards you: He didn't contradict you about anything except Mr. Nobody, and the fact that he replied in quite a civil tone and suggested the camping trip seems to me that he is more or less accepting the situation on your terms and agreeing he should be doing more.
I do hope you have a nice holiday and keep on feeling stronger. It sounds like you are doing a great job with your boys -- they are lucky to have such a great person for a mum. Lorien

Hi Lorien-and thankyou! You're right.It was about as good as can be expected. But nowhere near good enough!! Oh well-it's him that's losing out.Silly arse.

I've been following your thread,but haven't posted as others seemed to be better advice than I could even dream of,(how I wish I'd had Mn to turn to in my crisees)But I've just read your last post and I just had to say how really well and strong you sound.My v. best wishes to you and your Ds's for a great futurelove B XXX

Thanks Boudicca. It's really lovely to have such warmth from people who've never posted before XXXX

You do have your ups and downs, spook, but the ups are beginning to shine forward for longer and more often, don't you think?

Are you going to be away for the whole summer? Don't forget you promised to come and visit me . Any idea when that might happen?

Oh, Spook, sorry! The connection on my home computer is SO slow atm that I didn't log on over the w/e.
It was a beautiful letter - and what I thought was how important that was to write as a letter to yourself - how fragile, but how wonderful and inventive and clever and idiosyncratic your two top boys are! Your FW of an ex is clearly so terrified to enter into any tender conversation about them - he has to mask it with sarcasm and self-pity, as usual - but we all know that that is because it would be much too near the knuckle for him.
Let him make money, and have a wonderful summer being a Mum!

Hi Janstar and Blu. I've missed you. Janstar-as soon as my exh lets me know when he's having the boys I'll let you know I promise.When are you away?/
Thanks Blu. I'm really glad I wrote the letter too.Lots of love to you both from the new strong Spook