Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for Spook 2

502 replies

Janstar · 09/05/2004 17:14

Here it is.

OP posts:
Blu · 06/07/2004 17:12

Where did you live, Babybecca, I lived in Larkspur Terrace, too. Your Mum might have been someone who was outraged by our student antics!

Beccarollover · 06/07/2004 20:11

I lived on Devonshire Place and another street that I cant remember now! (as I was so young )

spook · 08/07/2004 21:10

Anybody there?? I have been doing so so well and had no real contact with him for nearly 2 weeks. But I MISS HIM and his nasty destructive shallow vindicative comments. I am feeling the urge to call him>I have nothing to say to him(other than come home) I am fairly sure he'll be with her tonight. I won't do it I promise. Just need a bit of support girls.

ripley · 08/07/2004 21:19

Don't do it spook, don't give him the satisfaction. How could you possibly miss nasty vindictive comments?? Is it because getting any emotion out of him is better than none at all? You don't need it - go out tonight and let your hair down or invite a friend around for a dvd and just think how much calmer and nicer it is without him!

spook · 08/07/2004 21:20

Thanks Ripley.Am deffo on my own tonight though boys are here. Think I'm just feeling a bit lonely. There's a very long 10 weeks ahead of me as a single parent.

Original poster
Janstar · 08/07/2004 21:22

The person you miss isn't the person he is being at the moment. Stay cool sweetheart.

OP posts:
spook · 08/07/2004 21:24

I think that's whats hard Janstar, I don't know what person he's being at the moment because we don't have contact anymore. Maybe I need another dose of bastardness to keep me strong!!

beetroot · 08/07/2004 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spook · 08/07/2004 21:42

Hi Beety. I have plenty planned-trips to Ibiza and St Tropez. I am very very lucky. I'm afraid I can't come to the party-I really wanted to and talked to Popsy and Becca about it but it's a really good friends 40th so must go to that. Oh God. I keep losing my rag with the children so badly. My 7 year old is as high as a kite and gets his "sillies" which basically means he behaves like a complete dolt. Very noisy, very childish,laughing at EVERYTHING and whipping his brother into a frenzy and I HATE IT!!! The angrier I get the more he giggles. Who is the childish one here?? And when they've been with their dad as they have today I'm always really tense anyway. Never knowing what little snippet of his new life I'm going to have to hear about next.
You can more or less see the sillies coming-he starts to become really really childish-I know he's only 7-but he's a very old sensible 7 most of the time.Does anyone know what I'm talking about. It's as if they've had about 10 bottles of lucozade and a handful of magic mushrooms. And it's always when I'm shattered or tense.
God I HAVE to stop yelling at them. Just done that classic "would you like to go and live in your fathers swanky apartment??"
Aagghh-all my mothering skills are flying out of the window. It's as if I really dislike my own child sometimes and I don't. I worship the playground he walks on.
OK-rant over. Need a glass of wine. Boys in the bath. Ran it extra hot to sedate them (joke)

Earlybird · 08/07/2004 21:43

Don't call. Speaking to him won't enhance your life one bit (given how things are), and will only serve to torture you. It's almost like breaking an addiction - there's a habit you need to break, and the only way to do it is by abstaining. Think about it - if you call and he's nice (unlikely given how you've described past encounters), it will be upsetting. If you call and he's nasty, it will be upsetting. Either way, you lose. So, please don't call. I know it's hard, but realise you need to protect yourself.

spook · 08/07/2004 21:44

Oh I know Earlybird.I know. You are so right. I lose. Thankyou

spook · 08/07/2004 22:39

Hi MNers. Anyone else out there to reassure me??God that sounds so needy and pathetic.Sorry everyone. I'm just feeling incredibly lonely tonight.I'm not sure why-just am. Probably something to do with this unbelievably horrible dark weather and my out of control kids!

Original poster
Janstar · 08/07/2004 23:21

You are doing the right thing. Hang on to that thought. Pour yourself a glass of wine, look at your sleeping babies and think about all the amazing possibilities your future holds.

OP posts:
spook · 08/07/2004 23:29

Oh thanks Janstar. I knew you wouldn't let me down {{{{{{{{}}}}}}} (the sleeping babies bit is a little optomistic though! )

spook · 08/07/2004 23:30

If and when my husband ever lets me know when he's taking the boys away can I get in touch and come down to see you? XXX

granarybeck · 08/07/2004 23:34

spook, you have just made me feel so much better. i have just sat down at the pc with a big glass of red wine feeling really fed up as i have just lost my rag my dd and ds as they were being sooo giddy. they have been with their dad today so i know that is why i am stressed and i kept telling myself they are just being children (6 and 7) but they were driving me to distraction. (now in bed) so, anyway, please try not to feel lonely as that was how i was feeling and reading your post as made me feel a bit less bad. pour yourself that glass of wine, think about it being sunny tomorrow and the kids playing happily OUTSIDE!

Clayhead · 09/07/2004 00:53

spook, sorry you're feeling rubbish tonight. I know it's hard for you to see but for us on the outside it's so clear how much stronger you're getting, bit by bit. You are so much further on than the spook who started the first thread.

xxx

spook · 09/07/2004 01:07

Oh Clayhead.Thankyou.I know I'm a different person but it's still so so hard. I went to get a tray for my supper infront of the Tv tonight and actually found myself astonished that there was only one when once there were two. It's amazing how-after 5 1/2 months it can still hit you like a punch in the stomach and you can STILL be surprised that you are on your own and that your darling soulmate has gone- probably forever. I'm sure it's like a bereavement when you still set a place for someone at the dinner table one year on.Oh well-at least now I'm actually hving supper I suppose!
And Granarybeck.It's really good to hear from you. We're only human after all I suppose! My babies are finally asleep.Whee would we be without them?? Really on our own.What a thought. Hang on in there baby (there's a song in there somewhere!)Lots of love. So glad you're there both of you. XXXXX

Beccarollover · 09/07/2004 01:30

Hi Apook

I'm just back from a knackering but fun day at Druridge Bay - sorry today has been another crap one

I'm here if you need me

Becca
xxx

soapbox · 11/07/2004 17:46

Hi Spook

Just wondering how you are - hope you're feeling a bit better now. Are you busy with the boys holidays?

spook · 11/07/2004 20:07

Hi Soapbox. Thanks for asking.I'm OK. Felt wretched this weekend.What is it about weekends? Probably seeing all those other families out and about.
Not too bad now though.DS2 has a play tonight-he's so excited and nervous and proud. My darling ex can't be there because he's in London with his darling girlfriend! They are working-the band have an album launch but it's TOMORROW!! So why the fuck has he broken my little boys heart.
DS2 wouldn't even speak to his dad today. I haven't told him where his daddy is ofcourse-just that he has to work. But I hope he gets at least some twinge of conscience the ammoral (is that a word??) bastard!
I am starting to feel my own pain a little less now and my boys pain more and more.What kind of a man would not even give a try to save his marraige for the sake of a 4 year old and a 7 year old with broken hearts. He knew I still loved him dearly. I just cannot compute how someone could put their children through this without so much as a fight.
All I can do is try and keep busy busy and forget that my husband is with his 25 year old girlfriend in London for the next 3 days!!!

Original poster
Janstar · 11/07/2004 20:13

Spook OF COURSE you can organise with me when you can come down. I can't wait to see you! We'll make sure to arrange a local meet when you are here too so you can meet all our lovely Herts mners.

OP posts:
soapbox · 11/07/2004 20:17

Its rough isn't it

Poor kids - I was lucky not to have any when I split from my exh. I am full of admiration for the way you have kept it together for both of them, although with your ex being such an arse it was never an option not to keep it together was it!

As to what makes them do it - I have no idea. What planet they move onto inhabit is anyone's guess.

I think its the guilt thing. Also they have to spend so much of their waking hours keeping the GF happy that they forget the important things like - Oh! I've got 2 children and a wife already!

I wonder whether they mentally move out a long time before they even confess to the affair, so that they've done a lot of their sorting out in their mind way before you even know what is going on. I was as shocked as you are that someone who I loved dearly and thought loved me could act so dispicably towards me. Some of the things he said during that period still makes my hair stand on end!

Anyway hope you enjoy your DS's play tonight - don't forget its his loss not yours! (Unfortunately though it is also your poor DS's loss)!

Blu · 11/07/2004 20:17

Oooh, Spook, I hope your Ds's play goes well. I'm sure we londoners could form a hit squad....

spook · 11/07/2004 20:44

No but you can check out the evil barbie bitch on www.thesirens.net. She's Kat and her ideal man is "tall,dark,handsome and chivalrous" No mention of other peoples husbands or sugar daddies there then is there!!