do all mners hate their mILS

[TheHighwayCod]

think you lot are real cows tbh

ther are hardly any nice htreads abotu them
y ou all LOVE their sons so they cant have don that badly

I don't hate my MIL but I don't like her and I know she doesn't like me. We preserve a polite facade for the sake of DH and the children and I would never dream of having an outright row with her but some of her overcontrolling behaviour has driven me wild in the past.
For example:
I kept my name when we married and when we were expecting our first child we decided that our children would have a double-barrelled version of our surnames. She and FIL went ballistic. They wrote to my parents to complain, they wrote an extremely nasty letter to us, they told all DH's family that I was manipulating DH and it was all my fault, they threatened to cut us out of the will (popular tactic obviously).
We stuck to our guns in a dignified way and it all blew over but I have never felt quite the same about them since.
I also had a lot of interference from both her and SIL when the baby was born (antibreastfeeding etc) but I just ignored all unwanted advice and there is much less of it now.
What really annoys me about her is how dismissive she is of DH's achievements, he is a freelance journalist and had an article in a national paper recently - FIL read it and told DH it was boring and MIL said she had been too busy and hadn't bothered to read it.
Any time we mention one of the children's achievements it is usually responded to by how much more talented SILs kids are.
Grrrr.

on the morning of her marriage to my Grandad, his Mother (her future MIL)got down on her knees and begged him not to marry my Nana...

A friend of mine's MIL got all (well, probably not all, but several) of her DH-to-be's ex-girlfriends to phone him up and beg him not to marry her. And then she got the minister from her church to call the minister who was going to be marrying them (presumably to ask him not to do it, but in fact the two of them had a good chat, got a clear idea of what the situation was and told her very politely to butt out). And then she stopped the groom's siblings from attending the wedding (obviously didn't attend herself). This was all particularly weird because up to the point at which they got engaged his parents had appeared to like her a lot.

It wound up that all their other children married people who they approved of even less, so she wound up as Most Favoured Inlaw after all of that...

I quite like mine, possibly because I don't see her very often. Dh takes ds over to see her regularly though. Seriously, we get on fine although any family member can irritate you occasionally. She can be a bit tiresome but that's because she's elderly and on her own and gets a bit needy. Which is understandable. So I would never dream of letting her know that I don't necessarily have time for a 45 minute conversation just as I've put ds to bed and want to cook myself some dinner...

I barely see my MIL but when I do I think she's lovely

she has 9 kids so has never been very precious and I think she was happy that someone had taken on her youngest

Well all those things you mention about your MIL, Cod:

"alwasy interssting
generous wiht timea dn money
wise
non judegemental ( to my face!)
highly supportive
I KNOW i wont be as good a one as her"

Well you're lucky, Cod, because mine is none of those things except maybe wise (which I admire), but wise in that pessimistic & bitter way. LUCKILY she's not at all interfering, but what goes with that is that she's completely uninterested. I tried really hard, but have distanced myself finallywhich I really recommend. Have done the same with my parents. I find it's been helpful having work that keeps me awfuly busy. When you're always stretchedand when you look harried and stretched--people eventually "allow" and accept the distancing. I may be considered rude & thoughtless but I know I'm not. . .so it's a small price to pay.

I never understand the meanness thing because I come from a culture where you give the shirt off your back if you don't have money. . .and I remember having no money shortly after uni, and yet taking her and SIL to a couple of shows in NYC when they visited. . .and in return there was this sense of entitlement like it was normal that I spent a week of salary on this. . .and yet when I visit MILs I feel like I need to leave a five pound note for eating ham at lunch, such are the looks I get from step-FIL.

I actually think I'd be a good MIL, but think my son will prob be gay, so may not be an issue.

Yes I do that too MP, I jokingly hold up my "crunchy" towels and accidentally-died-in-the-wash whites to her photo which is hanging in the living room for her to 'see' and DH laughs.

I want to keep her a 'household name' so to speak and keep her fresh in the minds of the kids.

My French mil treats my children as though they were her own grandchildren - they love her to bits and I think she is truly good person to be able to do so.

I felt very sorry for the mother of my ex (she died whilst I was pg with dd2). I think feeling sorry for is probably worse than loathing.

Message withdrawn

my MIL irritates me at times but i don't hate her, she loves dd dearly and would do anything for her, she is also very accommodating when it comes to babysitting. Some time ago tho I could hardly bear being in the same room as her, I sure i get on her tits at times so I don't worry now

Love mine - she can be repetitive (just a tad) but is sweet and kind, unfailingly generous, always willing to help etc. Oh and a great granny too.

Just wish my dh still had a mil (my mum died 8 years ago, aged just 49 )

Sorry but I think I'm as close to hating somone as I have ever have been.

My MIL is manipulative, selfish and malicious to name but a few.

She's never had any positive input into our family, infact single-handedly ruined our only dd's 1st birthday amongst other things.

It should be a crime to be so bitter and twisted-MIL's like this should be locked up and have the key thrown away

I hate my current MIL because she is an unpleasant person - to everyone. She's also stupid and totally lacking self-censorship. She throws tantrums EVERY time we go and see her.

I had a MIL before who I adored. She and I could talk for hours. FIL too. When she became my ex-MIL she cried as hard as I did...

I think its entirely to do with character compatibility, or lack of - not sweeping generalisations.

Cod, you don't know my MIL so can I suggest you get to know her before you call me names? I don't think it's right that you call people 'cows' until you know what goes on in their lives, thanks. Perhaps learn some empathy skills before you dismiss people with yet another of your silly sweeping statements.

How can I sever ties with MIL when I think it's important for my child to know his grandmother? She's a silly goose who is incredibly self righteous, needy, judegmental and bitchy but my child has the right to know her and make up his own mind.

I love my mil. Her and fil disowned dh and his children last year (tossers), so I have absolutely no inlaw problem and neither does dh, we are very happy.

If you met my mil you'd understand. Mad as a fucking hatter. Thinks she is Crystal Carrington and i am some peasant from a shanty back not worthy of her time.

my MIL (&FIL) is fab

her son has left me & 2 children under 4 for another woman but she rings every Sunday to speak to ME and the children

my Inlaws come & stay with me for the weekend as if they didnt, they wouldnt see their grandchildren. their son lives 3 hrs from me & 5 hrs from then so doesnt bother going to see them.

they give me money, buy the kids presents, babysit as "you deserve a break/life"

last time they came for the weekend, their son (my ex) told me he didnt think they should babysit for me - told my MIL that & she said "what he doesnt know wont hurt him" so I stayed out all night and had fun and so did my inlaws & kids

Current mil, ok, well meaning but distant physically and emotionally.
ex mil, I love her, she babysits both my children, I'm v close to her.

I suspect mine would be like that -- she has a general sort of feeling that DH is irredeemably crap and that anything sensible he ever does must be down to my redeeming influence. This is misplaced in that DH has been capable of doing up his own shoelaces for a significant period of time now, but I don't feel obliged to mention it...

No. She irritates me sometimes but she's basically OK, and she can be very nice.

My MIL is a really really really nice person - too nice which is irritating in itself!! I wish she would just have a bitch about someone - it's not normal

MYy mil (and fil, and sil, in fact the whole lot of 'em) are absolutely fantastic. My mil is coming to stay this w/e. Flying all the way here (laded with Christmas presents) just cos it's ds 3's birthday. She is brilliant.

Unlike my lot who are absolutely CRAP

Mine is so bad she's good - every critical comment I make of dh or the kids is done in her voice to 'soften the blow'! I don't think I've ever heard her make a positive comment about anyone or anything. She is 300 miles away, we try to keep things ticking along as my children have no relations near us and enjoy meeting up with cousins.