do all mners hate their mILS

[TheHighwayCod]

think you lot are real cows tbh

ther are hardly any nice htreads abotu them
y ou all LOVE their sons so they cant have don that badly

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Mine died too, suddenly, from a brain haemmorrhage, 9 weeks ago. We miss her. It's only now she's gone that I realise what a lovely MIL she way. She thought I was a "dizzy blonde" and despaired of my eraticness (sp?!) and I thought she was a bit opinionated and rigid (in a quiet non agressive way) but she was lovely too. DH misses her so much and struggles every day. We weren't prepared to lose her.. she was only 66

I don't hate her. We don't have much in common, although dh says we have way to MUCH in common, and that's the problem . She tries hard to be nice to me, and I try hard to be nice to her. She a very good grandmother.

Since we've had children I felt much more sympathy with her. Because my dh is HER ds.

too much obviously!

My MIL was only 54 when she died - never knew her but my mum and dad did and said that she was a sweet and gentle lovely person. My FIL died, also too young, from lung cancer before DH and I married. I knew him for just 2 months and he was very ill, but a lovely man. According to DH, he was a shadow of the outgoing gregarious soul he was before his illness.
someone else on this thread has said how their DH would do anything for his parents to meet their grandchildren. DH would too.
We take DD to see her gran and grandad's grave and put flowers on every month. I look at pictures of them with her and we talk about them being in heaven.
I would have loved to have known them both and for DD to know another set of grandparents.

shiny

I love my MIL. SHe is brilliant. SHe comes to help out and does it all the way we do it, she takes adn active interest in all of us and will phone just to chat to ME, not because she is checking up but because we genuinely get on fab - much better than with my mother!!

are you paranoid about your own future as potential triple MIL?

shiny - my poor dh dreams about his mum a lot

the other morning his alarm went off and he went straight in the shower, i followed him to go for a wee, he was in the shower, crying

he said he had been dreaming about his mum when his alarm went off, and for a few seconds he thought she was still alive, then he remembered

he still finds ti hard when the dd's say "daddy, where is your mummy?"

I didn't go in to marriage to end up hating my ILs. I always thought that I'd be seen as an equal. But it's them who saw fit to throw tantrums because they couldn't cope with their son having a life that didn't make them centre of attention, to the point of them almost splitting us up. For that reason alone, and the tantrums that have happened through the years, I hate them. It's their actions that mean that DH chooses his parents over me and the children everytime. I threatened him with divorce over it yesterday.

Shiny and Nailpolish: Lost my MIL, just before i got pregnant, to cancer. She was only 60 too. She was fab...DP used to dream about her too. So sad DS won't know her...am making a family tree of pictures for him, with a picture of her on it.

Np How long ago did you lose your MIL?
To begin with a really felt I was supporting DH but now he is "dealing with it" alone mostly and not sharing grief so I feel a bit powerless. But on Fri when we had both been drinking he admitted he spends 'an awful lot of time crying' about his mum. This is obviously kept from me. I feel so sad for him. I just told him about your DHs dream and he said it has happened to him to.

How does your DH cope generally?

I dont hate her I just have nothing in common with her. She doesnt drive, never worked - doesnt like women who leave their DCs to go out and work, cant swim, has never weighed more than 8stone 4lb all her life. She changes her carpet and curtains every year. She is agoraphobic. All her friends are her husbands friends wives. Going on holiday wont stay anywhere less than 5 star. Shes a bit pathetic actually and constantly "sick". TBH I dont know why DH and his brother married me and SIL cause we are the exact opposite of their mother.

Liesel I would imagine that that IS the reason they married you and your SIL!!

Strewth. She sounds a right pain!!

my pil only talk to people who are just like them - they have a history of pretending people have never existed if they don't agree with their decisions. they frequently apply emotional pressure for us to be just like them, and clearly think we should bring our dd up as they wish.
dh had a miserable childhood, and is much closer to his gran, sho did more to bring him up.
so, no, i don't like my mil, we are thinking of moving to australia to avoid her.

don't hate her just don't particually like her some times - end of the day thou she's dh's mum and he's v protective, I knew what marrying him would entail. it's all a learning curve, she gives a little I give a litte, jsut don't like it when she gets drunk and abuses DH down the phone but that's not happened in a long long time. so things are calm for the minute - also it'sd good having some oone to give my old clothes to who will make use of them

Mine's nice.
We're very different people - she has a complete lack of malice towards anyone, and a complex hierarchy of dishcloths, whereas I tend more to the bitchy/domestic slattern end of the spectrum.
It takes a bit of effort on both sides but we get on very well.

Couldn't be more different from what my poor mother had to put up with - my grandma never approved of the fact that she got pregnant with my brother before getting married to my dad (which given that her son had played a role in the conception too was a touch hypocritical) and was constantly critical of her childrearing but used to come and stay for weeks and weeks and come on holiday with us.... Somehow my mother managed to hide all the tension from us children until after Grandma died 7 years ago, which I think was pretty heroic.

nailpolish, very moved reading your post.

I just wanted to say that I read somewhere that hearing was the last sense to go, so it is likely that she did hear you. What a lovely way to go - we all have to have a last moment, so I would love it if mine are something along those lines, if that doesn't sound too weird.

shiny, it was 2 yrs ago now

dh copes not too bad, but when the girls reach milestones or do something amusing, dh still wants to reach for the phone and tell his mum

we have the added factor right now of dh's dad having cancer now

Mine's alright.

shiny, i think what helps my dh the most is not pussy-footing around talking about her

i talk about her ie "oh your mum would have laughed at that"

etc

I think part of the deal with MILs is that it's far too easy to compare her with your own Mum if you have a good mother-daughter relationship, and therefore easy to assume MIL's attitudes and behaviour will be roughly the same. Whereas in fact this is a complete stranger that you have to get to know, just like anyone else you meet, and nothing is guaranteed! My MIL has a heart of gold (the only similarity), rarely listens, leaps to conclusions, loves to get worked up and worry unnecessarily, and can generally be a bit daft and drive all her loved ones to distraction on occasion. So having been used to a mother who discusses things calmly and rationally, is very competent at everything (sickening I know!), and could be used as the definition of 'calm in a crisis' this has taken a bit of getting used to. Whereas really it's down to me to be more open minded! Realising that, no, we're never going to have a straightforward debate about anything, has been half the battle!!! Although the conversation where she wasn't sure, but thought there might be crops growing on the moon was very interesting...