I am interested in advice especially from men

[midlifehope]

I have a problem in that I feel I am pulling the weight of 2 people in my family. I have ds aged 3 and am pregnant. I work 3-4 days a week. Ds is in nursery or with dp when I work. However I also end up doing 95% of domestic stuff. Dp doesn't work having
recently taken voluntary redundancy and bought a yacht! He has way more leisure time than me and I am feeling incredibly resentful. Howdo I get him to change. I don't want to ltb Jesuits

Josh Are you assuming housework is my priority? Or any woman's? I'd say few people's priority is housework, it's boring, but it still needs to be done.

Some men seem to have a problem being asked to do things by women in general and their wife in particular.

In our house we have a cleaner twice a week, and bedlinen wash day is Tuesday. The house won't burn down, but you'll have to sleep on your sheets for another week. I don't really see why I should sleep on dirty sheets because you the mentality of a 14 year old.

DIY and decorating doesn't have to be done every day, and tasks can range from short to long. Neither my husband nor my dad ever use DIY as an excuse to avoid doing the washing up though.

Dad

If a wife is asking for the bedlinen, it's because she's doing a wash, and she's expected to stand around waiting by the machine because fancypants' ego is too big to strip beds when requested? Or he'd rather be on MN. Don't you think she'd rather be on MN? She's likely already stripped the children's beds, or been round the family laundry baskets, and she's waiting to put the machine on. She also likely has a 100 other things that need doing that day... Why would you put the bin out first and be distracted by your daughter? Focus and prioritise.

Oh and btw, men who like clean tidy houses are not exceptions...

You say it's hard to gp because you have kids
But why aren't you taking into consideration your child's needs? They have a parent that has checked out and doesn't care if they are fed washed or watered.

And what example does it set? You are perpetuating a cycle of this crap. Your kiss will see your partner treat you like shit and will do the same, grinding you further into the ground. They will grow up and probably do the same to their partners.

Don't you want to be happy?

Mmm washing up may not require much skill, however it is never ending, dull and hardly rewarding. I much prefer DIY to washing up. At least you get the satisfaction of a job well done, you get the praise of others, 'wow good job on the decorating' etc. Don't think anyone has ever said to me 'Wow you are so skilled at washing up-well done' That said, it seems to me though that as long as you are both happy with the allocation of jobs, then that's all that matters, who does what isn't that important. The op however is doing all the work and her DP none. Hardly fair.

Are you assuming housework is my priority? Or any woman's? I'd say few people's priority is housework, it's boring, but it still needs to be done.

Indeed not, but just because it needs to be done doesn't mean someone has to drop what they are doing to respond to an order that instant.

DIY and decorating doesn't have to be done every day

Bedlinen doesn't have to be washed every day, clothes don't have to be washed and ironed every day, the house doesn't have to be hoovered every day and the dusting doesn't need to be done every day either. We don't have a cleaner, though.

Neither my husband nor my dad ever use DIY as an excuse to avoid doing the washing up though.

I think you'll see from my posts that neither do I, although I do know people who use the washing up as an excuse to get out of DIY/decorating.

My DP should have been in the army or a surgeon. He likes things clean and tidy and I'm more go with the flow

We compromise and work together.

We have a huge painting project on our hands and I'm doing it today cos he has work. I won't shy from washing the bins or doing diy. Things should be as equal as possible. To the poster above who says his wife won't lift a finger to do diy jobs, I would be as equally unhappy with her as the op should be with her partner.

No joshy just giving you the sympathy you deserve. you found like you have a tough life!

I'm waaaaaay better at DIY than DP. He didn't even know how to unblock a toilet till I met him the shame

twinkle good posts.

No joshy just giving you the sympathy you deserve. smile you found like you have a tough life

Finally someone who understands ;)

DW: I'm doing a wash, can you strip the bedding and bring it down?
Me: (currently mopping the bathroom floor) OK

The useful answer would be: when I finish mopping the bathroom floor.
Or: I can't do it this minute.

If you just say OK, she expects you to take it down soon and will be waiting for it.
It sounds like a communication problem, really.

Indeed not, but just because it needs to be done doesn't mean someone has to drop what they are doing to respond to an order that instant.

Housework needs to be done when it needs to be done. Just man up and accept that. And if you can't cope with being asked 'bossed' why not take charge?

And there's housework needs doing every day. Bedlinen itself doesn't have to be done daily but there will be one or two washing loads going in every day. The house needs to be hoovered and dusted from top to bottom at least twice a week just to stop the dirt building up. Our bathrooms get done twice a week, the kitchen gets done twice a week. It's relentless and boring that's why we have a cleaner.

My DP should have been in the army or a surgeon

Mine too. I know a lot of men who are more tidy than their partners.

How old is this guy, that he thinks he's retired already?

Housework needs to be done when it needs to be done. Just man up and accept that. And if you can't cope with being asked 'bossed' why not take charge?

Rubbish - it'll get done when someone is able to do it.

By 'take charge' I assume you mean do everything? Housework, FT job, getting the DCs washed, fed and ready for bed, ironing, washing clothes, fixing anything that's broken during the day (toys, etc.), washing dishes, painting outside (by the way, you have no idea what relentless and boring is until that is your job and your job alone), preparing meals for the next day - because I already do all that, so what more would you suggest I do to 'man up'?

DadDadDad DW: I'm doing a wash, can you strip the bedding and bring it down
Why didn't you play your "Joker card" and just pretend you didn't hear the request. That's what I would have done

Rubbish - it'll get done when someone is able to do it

Not in our house, you'd be fired.

You realise that single parents of both genders do all of your list without fuss? You make it sound like you're climbing Everest.

If you don't like painting, subcontract it. Personally I find it quite enjoyable.

(some) men like a clean house, they just think someone else should do it

The thing is, I would prefer someone else to do it too

nowt wrong with that, but grown ups realise it doesn't work like that

Do you think that women are born liking clean houses Voyage or do you think there's another reason why they're more likely to be the ones doing the housework, despite finding it as dull as men do?

Twinklestein

You do realise that not everybody has enough disposable income to hire a painter (or a cleaner for that matter). When you have to be self-reliant it does change your approach.

It's pretty clear that you think it's okay to split one element of the household work but not the other (basically, under no circumstances can a man have enough to do).

Josh how big ks your house? Do you really spend the entire year, every year, painting it?