Left an abusive relationship..I think I'm about to go back

[Happyandsimple]

I cannot believe I'm writing this here. I am sad to right this here. Because you all supported me when I thought there was no way out. You helped me through all my objections as to why I can't leave. I'm embarrassed to even be considering being miserable. I can't read my old post as it makes me shake thinking about the place I was in..But I split with him in Feb thanks to u all. And i never once regretted it..til now.kidney removable in 2 weeks and I been told no lifting kids for 6 weeks. How can u not.lift 2n 3 yr old..I lift them all time. I have no help. He's started creeping up on me Again. Showing how helpful he is.. And now I am worried about how I will cope after surgery when I won't even be able to stand straight. Be on strong meds for 2 weeks. He said he's ok to havs the kids a few days..my only optiom is to ask him to.move in for 2 weeks I'm devastated to move back to the start. But I see no option. And i feel trapped again. Maybe it's not so bad. Two weeks then tell him to leave. I don't know I can't see a way I can cope. I haven't contacted adult.services to see if there's any help available after surgery I have to ring after surgery.. It's sad to think I'm even considering it after all this but it's okay temporarily isn't it? Kids arnt effected he hasn't said anything That bad in awhile

Dr spouse they are already in nursery i have said that. The people in nursery are nor strangers. They know my children and my children are very comfortable there.

You know what it wasn't easy posting this in here. I bloody regret it. Apart from the people that are helpful you think making me feel guilty is going to.help anything? Next time il keep my bloody mouth shut i have been awake all night worrying my left kidney us bloody killing. I'm bloody sour after falling down the stairs and i come on here to.people just trying to make me feel crap thinking that will make me change my mind. God sake
why not leave the guilt trip till after my freaking surgery for goodness sake. U sit there sayinf ooh I'd do this. Why don't you just respect me and accept i dont want a foster family i have explained I've been polite bur you still pushing. Offer me other suggestions don't keep pushing what I've already said im not comfertable with. Honestly I really wish I didn't bother. U think ur helping my kids guilt tripping me ur not. I said foster isn't for me
Why do you insist on pushing it. Honestly I am in such a state this morning. I have learnt my lesson keep my damn mouth shut. So i dont open my self to all this guilt tripping. You think ur helping saying all this negative stuff about what I'm doing to my kids how the hell is that going to help me now? "oh your going to make ur kids grow up to be abusive " so wtf you want me to di? What is your solution I've told u I'm not doing foster any other suggestions or instant all u have to say. It's been covered
I'm ruining my kids life etc etc. Is there anything else or are u all going to repeat this to lay it in further. I don't want my ex here it's not my fault I'm completly on my own
And if you think thay social services will be able to place them in a week and ahalf? And it will be a holiday for the kids.wtf maybe for your kids but you don't know mine. Please just stop!!!

Thank you gods do roam xx

Anyone for tennis don't take the piss my post wasn't just about me.. I know my kids and they would not cope being away from me. It's as simple as that. I know my kids. I'm fine with up ing there nursery If i could afford it. But not going to a complete stranger if thats a problem for you theres nothing I can do about that just because it's something u would do doesn't mean I'm wrong do not seeing it as an option. Yeah it will be taking out my own hands.. Yes threats of what could happen is just what I need. Nothing will be taken out of my own hands. I'm off of this post. Goodness sake u guys are too much. Weldone.. I said I wanted ideas. I said I don't want foster care. So what do u do just criticise me for not wanting to so something. Instead if offering other ideas. I'm off of this. This is doing nothing but making me feel worse. I shouldnr have even bothered posting this. Do u even know how hard this is for me? Your sat there with youe judgments your nor the one leaving young toddlers to have this surgery I'm pooing myself thinking I could die all sorts while u all sit there making me feel.worse. Bye

You keep forcing me to explain myself because my explanation isn't good enough. I explained and youe asking me to further explains sorry my reasons are not good enough.

Honestly never again will i open myself to.this it's so.hard talking about.Something so personal to.be made to.feel.like such a bad person. And.this.is.supposed to.help
.maybe you can save the heavy judgmental and threats of.what.could happen.till after the nursery as I've already got.enough keeping.me.up.at.night.worrying about

After the surgery not nursery

Now I'm even scared to.come back to read anything because all its going to be is further "WHY WHY HOW COULD U NOT etc. I am not in the best frame of mind for.this. I understand your trying to.be emotive by using the phrases to.show.me.whst could.happen for.just one.second just try and think about what I'm.going.through..your reading this. But.I'm.living.this..I'm.a real.person
.So saying all this heavy stuff does nothing but drive me.into.further guilt.fear sadness for.my situation. It's not.having the effect u want.to.it.have and maybe.it would if I didn't have a week and ahalf to sort everything. I'm ovwrwelemed :(

I think you should maybe contact your health visitor or someone. I really do. For your kids sake if not your own

It's obvious you are in a bad place. Sorry if I made you feel worse. It's a tough time. My abusive ex sounds similiar to yours. It got worse and I got out. I'd hate anyone to go through that

And I'm not gettinh baxk wirh him yes I changed my mind again. Sue me. We spent the day together for the first time since febuary. He didn't do anything bad. But I felt really uncomfortable.. When he was trying to do normal things like strong me or go into cuddle me I felt Abit sick and uncomfortable. So yes I know that's not an option I don't want that now. That cuddle and how he was acting did make me really weak.But i know its not ment to be. It's hard but to much has happened.

I contacted the hv service. Mine left they still haven't rung me back.. I'm trying ;(

Stroke me *

Quiet likely i would love that help. Do u think adult services can help with that. When I spoke to them they said they can't help with children help. But perhaps coming round for an hour to help. But they will only look into it when they do an assessment after the surgery

I'm actually scared coming back to read these responses ;( nothing can make me hate myself anymore. My heart is beating faster readinf some responses. Thr kids are in nursery today. I can't even get our if bed.after worrying all night. Not slept. Still in pain from falling down the stairs aswell as feeling so.I'll and crap. Anyway seen as I'm not puting my kids first and I'm going to make them into abusers or in an abusive relationship. Then everyone will be happy for the punishment I'm about to.go.through. During and after this surgery. So don't worry about the guilt tripping. Justice has been served.

It's funny how it's all on me. I am not the one who entered a relationship with someone barely out of teenage years and made them think that this is how relationships are ment to be the pressure of being his everything.And him having no one but me. This wasn't the classic oh youe isolated that's what happens. No i wasn't isolated he was he had no one and refused to make friends bexause he said he only needed me and without me he had nothing. So me leaving has been so painful for.me. But I did it for.my kids can u imagine beinf off work. On half pay and still needing to cover every single bill and morgage I'm always in negative. But I left for my kids. And i am freaking suffering. But for people to tell me I'm not putting them first why the hell am I doing all this then?! Why was I working 2 jobs never seeing the kids stressing every single day. Making myself so Ill with every thing I was doing. On my own. Why did I do all this?! For my own benifit
Il tell you if it wasn't for my kids i would have stayed miserable for my whole life. But I didnt bexause of the kids. Buts so easy for people to sit here and call me selfish etc. Everyday I'm in my house alone having anxiety attacks scared by every nose beinf alone. It's hard. Beinf alone with everything I'm going through right now is so hard. And i would have given in for alot smaller things but I'm trying for them. I'm actually crying right now.

My gastric flabber please go away. I know he isn't changing. So just go away. Thanks for wishing my crap to go bad. The advice I was looking.for was not foster care. I hsve listened to everything else do because it wasn't good enough for you you have to be harsh thanks for your contribution.and thanks for believing in me.to not go back
Yoir lovely
You've said your point so go away I'm not going back to him actually. So your wrong. Weldone for your judgment thoigh. Have a wonderful day.

Momzills thanks so much for that link!! See this is the kind or help i need. I completly forgot about that website. I will go on it xx

Everyone saying call social services. Did you even read my original post? To repeat i did contact social services and told them everything didn't hide anything they said this isn't a safeguarding issue and they don't have anything they can do.to help which is what this number is for. And gave me the number for the family service. Who did nothing but fill the form for.September's free 15 hours. So I'm confused why youe all sat here like I haven't tried nothing.

Op

It's ok. I know you're angry and I think it comes from a place of fear. I am sorry that the replies have made you feel this way. I don't think they were meant to but I get why you are being defensive.

Fwiw every piste on here will think it brilliant that you got away and are now living apart.

Maybe we have underestimated the fact you literally have no one except from your ex to help with the children. And the position it has put you in.

Yes it would be a good idea to contact children's services to advise of your upcoming operation to ask if they can provide any help. The adult team won't have funding for children so that's why they won't be useful.

I know you didn't ask for this situation at all but I just want you to err on the side of caution with your ex. I do think he is being nice so that you will get back with him, of course he knows he won't stand a chance if he is nasty so for now he is just biding his time, I think.

But for now, i wish you all the best. And good luck with the operation.

Mygsst is flabber "we'll still be here when it goes bad or whatever " i.can promise you this i won't make.this mistake again for.people like you to.come.and do there i told you sos.

Is anyone reading what I'm typing? I've already contacted them to see if there's any help they can offer. I genuinly feel im talking to myself here.

Ss do have a duty to help your children if you need a crucial operation and there is no one to care for them.

Il repeat again. I have contacted. Social services. Over the phone. Adult services over the phone. Family service over the phone. Citizen advice cervise waited 6 hours to be seen and they had no idea even though I was told cab can help with filing forms and directing me to someone. All they did was give me the number to adult services who said they will do an assessment after surgery nothing they can do before.

Quite so what do you want me to do about it? Gods sake there's only so much I can Do. I contacted them told them everything. What else can I do. I just think youe all set on well they should do this.. So if they didn't then you didn't ask right. I don't feel listened to here. So il stop bothering