Please don't hate me, but I've added him on social media

[WellWeHaveIt]

My ex was emotionally abusive. He always acted like the perfect one whilst setting me up for a fall. So I left him.

So just now, I added him back on social media. He has in the past added me but I deleted him. But we have quite a few mutual friends.
He's left OW again because he's moving on. They still seem to be friends but this I suppose is a test, as he has added me before yet I always declined.

Now I want to take back the power, I suppose. Maybe it's wrong but I don't care. He lied to the two of us and he used to add me always on various social media but I always deleted. Now I have added him and will await his response. He will accept but I know, that he will always be a liar and a cheat.
I think I just wanted to rant so please forgive me.

[Midorichan]

YOU. STILL. CARE. You've gone to the effort of even coming on a chat board to tell people what you did. Honey. YOU STILL CARE!!! If you didn't you would be arsed to add him, no??

[FolkGirl]

I have never sent a friend request to someone I didn't care about. Largely because I didn't think about them so it didn't occur to me.

Alternatively, every time I do send a friemd request, I hope it doesn't get ignored because, you know' sending a friend request suggests you care amd ignoring someone suggests you don't.

It's common sense really. And you've done the opposite.

Gid I'm glad I don't know you irl. The talking you must be doing about this to anyone who'll listen...

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

You wouldn't even think about him enough to contemplate adding him if you didn't care. You need some .

Why are you so hung up on him? Do you want to talk it through?

[Lacoba66]

OP, by the nature of your title, it's not 'us' that will hate you (obviously not).

Give it a couple of days, and think "why"?

You will realise why . Take care & remember he is sooo not worth it.

[scarletforya]

You are deluding yourself OP. You think sending him a friend request shows him that you don't care about him?

It really, really doesn't.

Have you had a few drinks?

If you say what social media platform it is I'm sure someone will know how to retract the request.

[WellWeHaveIt]

Can you please then hold my hand? Can you tell me if you've ever been abused?

[NotTallMyself]

OP, do you notice what you've done here?

You've offered yourself up for judgement. Constantly being judged and criticised and falling short of somebody's approval is a very familiar feeling for those in an abusive relationship.

Facebook aside (and my first posts stand!) I notice that you are returning to a dynamic that is familiar. Sincerely apologies if I'm totally wrong. After I left, I would defend everything all the time, every decision I made, I defended it, justified it, explained it............ as though I were on trial. You are walking back to the vomit by adding him, and then, you are putting yourself on trial (here) for a flagellation.

You haven't worked through the abusive relationship.

[WellWeHaveIt]

Of course I still care!! The point is that I'm trying not to!!

[Sansarya]

OP, didn't you post last week about wanting to add him? Everyone here said don't do it. Yet you did. Just de friend him now and have some dignity FGS. The man treated you like shit, you do NOT need him in your life in any way or form.

[SagaNorensLeatherTrousers]

NotTall is right, you need to work on getting yourself into a healthier place. Care about YOU.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

You're trying not to by reconnecting him?

I'll let you into a secret - it's not working. You need to try harder if you really don't want to let this man into your life again.

Reread your posts. They make no sense. I don't know whether thats because there is alcohol involved or if you want to play silly games or if you genuinely need help. But I do know that if this man is abusive and you've been away from him for five years... Why are you doing this to yourself?

[MrsBlobby64]

How old are you OP? Do you have children? You sound very young...

[AnyFucker]

Of course I still care!! The point is that I'm trying not to!!

this is just about the worst way to go about it

[Midorichan]

Holding your hand tightly Honey - you can still unfriend him or whatever it is. You DESERVE THE BEST. He is not that. Unfriend him. Don't invite suffering into your life.

[NotTallMyself]

I feel bad for you.

One of the biggest challenges after leaving an abusive man is to accept that your value is not determined by him and eventually I could accept that, but I left him.

He was abusing you, and yet, the piece of shit that he was, he cheated on you. That must compound the feelings of worthlessness that he made you feel.

[Redglitter]

I can't see how you can possibly think thst sending a FB friends request is a way of showing you don't care. it's the polar opposite. it's telling him you do care and you're still invested in his life

[AnyFucker]

OP, do you have another current thread going at the moment

Something about "going back to an abusive relationship" ?

[NotTallMyself]

The quickest way to peace is to believe that your value is not determined by him. My x can believe what he likes about me and I no longer care. That's teh power you want

It's a hard enough journey as it is. I had counselling where I just vented, and then I had psychotherapy. I feel I've got my power back so I can hold your hand and tell you that I get it, really, but you need to hold your own hand, ie, look after yourself, not torture yourself. Delete him and imagine the future when you will believe in that mae west quote, "what you think of me is none of ma business honey!". Or somethin like that! Misquote.

[NotTallMyself]

"Don't invite suffering in to your life"

Well said!

[ALaughAMinute]

Sounds to me like you want the emotionally abusive bastard back!

Good luck with that one!

[Fearless91]

I'm sorry but you can't complain about his controlling and mind games and then go and do the exact same thing yourself.

You aren't adding him to "gain control". Who are you trying to kid? You added him because you still care. Clearly.

[WellWeHaveIt]

No other threads going on atm. I just sent him a request now. Not FB.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

"I have ignored him for years but now it'll seem as though I don't care"
That's warped, sorry. You've got it the wrong way round. By adding him you are showing you are still thinking about him, which he will interpret as still into him, i.e. you care. If you want him to think you don't give a shit about him you totally ignore him and never contact him again.

[BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas]

Why would people hate you?

People here don't know you ...

It's your decision - and ultimately you will have to live and deal with the consequences of these types of decisions. Nobody else.

[ouryve]

If you want him to care, then I'm afraid he very much does have the power.