Please don't hate me, but I've added him on social media

[WellWeHaveIt]

My ex was emotionally abusive. He always acted like the perfect one whilst setting me up for a fall. So I left him.

So just now, I added him back on social media. He has in the past added me but I deleted him. But we have quite a few mutual friends.
He's left OW again because he's moving on. They still seem to be friends but this I suppose is a test, as he has added me before yet I always declined.

Now I want to take back the power, I suppose. Maybe it's wrong but I don't care. He lied to the two of us and he used to add me always on various social media but I always deleted. Now I have added him and will await his response. He will accept but I know, that he will always be a liar and a cheat.
I think I just wanted to rant so please forgive me.

Why? Do you want him to care, see what your up to ect?
Sounds like you are playing a silly game to be honest.

Did you start a post one week ago asking about doing this? Everyone then said 'don't do it!'

That advice still stands. If I were you I would quickly un-do it and try to move on. Complete indifference is the dignified way to go.

Add message | Report | Message poster AnyFucker Mon 01-Jun-15 20:20:52
You just can't help some people < shrug >

You are heartless sometimes- lol, but ultimately honest!

OP, please listen to the wise folk on here. Your welcome esteem is obviously not so good at the mo. Think of him as the scum that he is and that you deserve better. (Bloody 'social media' WTF is social about it .

Nah, Lacoba. I just recognise when someone isn't ready to listen. Even those few sentences in the OP tell us that.

You are playing a dangerous game with your emotions and the only loser will be you. You think you have 'got' him, he's got you right where he wants you.

Lady….toxic people in our lives poison us. Doing actions that come from places not ultimately from good can't possibly be good for our hearts or our souls. You are worth decent, honest love and friendship. Playing games like this with someone like that? How can that benefit you? Or him?

I have taken back the power. I have posted about him before but that was about 5 years ago.

I want him to see just how much I don't care by doing this because otherwise he'd think I still care.

How is adding him on FB taking back power?

And why do you want power? Power over what?

You need to move on, love.

Not adding him would show you don't care. You know...ignoring him.

I have taken back the power.

NO you've not.

But you clearly do care. And he knows it. And you've started a thread on mumsnet to tell us you don't care.

Honey, not talking to him AT ALL would be evidence you don't care.

It's not FB but it's done now. I can't do anything about it. I have ignored him for years but now it'll seem as though I don't care.

If you don't care about a person you don't bother with them/think about them etc FULL STOP. You care enough that you are over thinking every avenue to do with him. You still care.

No one's going to hate you for this, but you obviously know it is a really poor judgement call on your part, so exactly why are you "ranting" on here?

It is attention-seeking and quite manipulative actually. Mumsnetters might be quite justified in criticising your actions (not you, your actions) but you are pre-empting that with your childish "please don't hate me".

It's the sort of thing my mother would say.

For the pure reason that all my ignoring him over all those years has now ceased so I don't care anymore. I just don't.

But adding him SHOWS you care enough to add him. If you didn;t care, you would;t want to see his constant updates, his photos, know what he's up toetc, all aspects of "adding" someone on social media. He will know this.

No. It'll show that years down the line you're still thinking of him.

It gives him the upper hand. Not you. How will you feel if he rejects your request? Or worse, ignores it? That is the position you are in. A position of weakness. Not strength.

And it is obvious that not only do you still care, you want him to, as well.
Silly, silly, silly.

i have exes that have tried to add me. I have ZERO interest in them, their lives, what they're up to etc, so I haven't added them.

For the pure reason that all my ignoring him over all those years has now ceased so I don't care anymore. I just don't.

You're delusional. You SO care. Its a bit tragic really.

You're deluding yourself I'm afraid op.

I think a good rule of thumb with social media stuff is to only add people as friends if they are nice to you and are real friends. But perhaps that's just me.

I wonder if it would be helpful to consider whether really you do care, and if you find that you do, to acknowledge that?

Erm.

Nope.

You do care btw. Now he knows you care and you cared all along.

Good luck with that.