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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be ok with your DH staying at female colleagues house?

147 replies

lidlidl · 17/05/2015 20:53

DH is going on a big annual work event & night out in a couple of weeks and has just said that he’s intending to stay with his female colleague who has a spare room. It’s at least an hour away from us with no late night transport home so it makes sense and seemed fine until I asked about her husband and he said he’d be working away so not there (works away Mon-Thur)

I trust him and have no reason to think there is anything going on between them and he’d be stupid to tell me this was what he was doing if there was but still feeling a bit weird about it. Am I being silly? I don't know her but I've heard of her before and they are friends at work.

OP posts:
TurnOverTheTv · 17/05/2015 20:56

I wouldn't give it a second thought, but I trust my husband.

honeyroar · 17/05/2015 20:56

Personally I'd be fine with it. I trust my husband. I know lots of people that wouldn't though, I've had discussions about this with others before, and I was in the minority.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 17/05/2015 20:57

No I wouldn't. Just as I wouldn't stay at a male colleagues after a night out.

AlpacaMyBags · 17/05/2015 20:58

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AyeAmarok · 17/05/2015 20:58

I'd find it a bit strange, unless it was a load of people crashing there. But even then, I'd be a bit Hmm as he's not a student!

Can't he get a taxi or hotel?

ALaughAMinute · 17/05/2015 20:59

Trust him or not, I wouldn't like it. Why can't he stay in a B&B?

tribpot · 17/05/2015 21:01

I don't think I would do it with a male colleague that my DH didn't know personally, if you know what I mean. (So someone he had met several times). Not because I think he doesn't trust me but just because it would feel weird. I have a lot of male friends/colleagues - I certainly wouldn't stay at the house of someone who was only a colleague, if you see what I mean.

So in short I think your feelings of weirdness are understandable but I'm sure it is all completely above board.

Hassled · 17/05/2015 21:05

I'd have no problem with it, but then I have a trustworthy DH with no previous. Are you in the same boat?

AyeAmarok · 17/05/2015 21:05

There is also such a thing as "hiding in plain sight".

molyholy · 17/05/2015 21:05

I'm sure it is above board and I also trust my husband, but I would also feel wierd about this situation.

tribpot · 17/05/2015 21:07

It could be a double bluff, it's true. But it probably isn't. And if it is, it's going to happen anyway.

SignoraStronza · 17/05/2015 21:10

There are a couple of dh's colleagues that I would be happy for him to stay with, but the thing is, I've met them. One is a little older than dh, widowed and dh was good friends with her late husband and the other has an OH to whom she's totally devoted (met him too). FB friends with them both.
If he were to suddenly mention crashing at the home of a random colleague, I'd not be best pleased. Regardless of whether I trusted him or not, I'd think it totally inappropriate.
You say you've heard of her before - does he mention her often?

OldRoan · 17/05/2015 21:10

I would expect DP to be ok with me staying at a colleague's house (male or female), so it's only fair to be alright with it back.

Deep down I'd be annoyed about it, but I would know it was my double standards.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/05/2015 21:10

Nope. And I trust my Dh but I wouldn't like it one bit.

badbaldingballerina123 · 17/05/2015 21:16

No . It's inappropriate.

Why is this even necessary ? Surely there are some male colleagues who live nearby who he could stay with ?

Are spouses not invited to this annual do ?

Maryz · 17/05/2015 21:17

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Maryz · 17/05/2015 21:18

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Maryz · 17/05/2015 21:18

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Bakeoffcake · 17/05/2015 21:19

I wouldn't mind at all, but I know all of his female colleagues and I trust DH.

Tbh even if I didn't know his colleagues it wouldn't bother me.

Bakeoffcake · 17/05/2015 21:20

I'm with you Maryz, I don't understand why it would be a problem.Confused

crje · 17/05/2015 21:21

I would be more Hmm about office gossip.
I would trust my dh but think it looks off .

SolomanDaisy · 17/05/2015 21:23

No, I wouldn't mind. My DH has done it (though her dp was there too). I've had male and female colleagues to stay over too.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 17/05/2015 21:23

I would find it a little odd but in my husband's case wouldn't worry about affairs etc. I wouldn't do it myself though. As to why, it's because we aren't students any more all kipping together on the floor, it adds in a layer of intimacy that I wouldn't want with my colleagues and I wouldn't want them to see me in my pyjamas or me theirs! It's just not a professional working relationship for me, but in my twenties this would have seemed more normal. I don't think my husband would suggest it though, as he isn't great friends beyond work with any of his female colleagues, and I think he would feel awkward.

toldmywrath · 17/05/2015 21:24

I would expect DP to be ok with me staying at a colleague's house (male or female), so it's only fair to be alright with it back.

Deep down I'd be annoyed about it, but I would know it was my double standards.

What OldRoan said ^^ I agree with her.

Fatmanbuttsam · 17/05/2015 21:24

If you trust him then there's no problem. I shared a twin room with a male colleague for a week and neither of us had the slightest interest in getting up to anything.

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