Would you be ok with your DH staying at female colleagues house?

[lidlidl]

DH is going on a big annual work event & night out in a couple of weeks and has just said that he’s intending to stay with his female colleague who has a spare room. It’s at least an hour away from us with no late night transport home so it makes sense and seemed fine until I asked about her husband and he said he’d be working away so not there (works away Mon-Thur)

I trust him and have no reason to think there is anything going on between them and he’d be stupid to tell me this was what he was doing if there was but still feeling a bit weird about it. Am I being silly? I don't know her but I've heard of her before and they are friends at work.

DP used to do this now and again. I wasn't bothered.

If I were the colleague and I was single/my DH was away there's no way I'd think it was appropriate to offer my spare room to a married friend/colleague of the opposite sex if their spouse didn't know me or if we didn't go back years together (in which case I guess their spouse would already know me!).

I'd therefore feel mightily uncomfortable about my DH spending the night in that person's house as they'd clearly have different ideas to me regarding acceptable boundaries (both DH and colleague!).

I have stayed with a male colleague when working in his part of the country (his wife and kids were there too both times). After a night out though I'd rather come home. Why isn't he just getting a taxi home? Surely it'll be a bit weird for both of them doing the whole getting in drunk and getting up in the morning after a late night?

Knowing how many affairs have started at my workplace over the years on a night out, no way would I be happy about that. Very convenient that her husband is not there either.

I shared a twin room with a male colleague for a week and neither of us had the slightest interest in getting up to anything

Was it not a bit awkward? What if one of you farts loudly or snores or dribbles in their sleep?

I completely trust my DH & we've never had any issues, but I have to admit I wouldn't like it, and nor would he if the situation was the other way around.

If you have any reservations about it at all, then you should tell your H that you would prefer it if he got a taxi or stayed in a B&B.

This situation would just never arise in our relationship, so I cannot directly answer the question

If either of us raised the issue, we would be quite askance tbh

Everyone always says- if you trust someone, it doesn't matter, but I'm a big believer in not putting temptation in your way. I have a friend who always seems to go for lunch with new guys at work, or who would stay over with a colleague, and then act all surprised that they made a pass at her or whatever. I keep everything as above board as possible so no misinterpretations can occur, because, if you did fancy your colleague, and you were drunk and alone with them, even if you didn't intend to get up to anything, the moment could seize you to act on it. Same when away at conferences, I have seen plenty of people make fools of themselves on the dance floor, in other people's rooms at such events. Always better to be on the more professional side, and staying over with a male colleague wouldn't be that for me.

DP has done this in the past, and I haven't minded. Pre-DD I also often stayed at male friends houses after nights out to save on a long and expensive taxi ride.

If you're not comfortable though, speak to your DH. If you let him know that you trust him and you know it's your issue, but you're just uncomfortable with it, he can maybe either reassure you or make alternate arrangements.

I wouldn't be happy about it.

They will be going home together to an empty house, after possibly having consumed a lot of alcohol and people sometimes do out of character things when they've been drinking.

If there is even the slightest attraction between the two of them, the fact they are alone together, with her partner away, and they have both been drinking.... could take things to the next level.

It's fine.

Plus if my husband asked this, I would say no. But he wouldn't ask because he wouldn't want to mix work and pleasure, or give out slightly ambiguous messages about being friends anyway.

Everyone always says- if you trust someone, it doesn't matter, but I'm a big believer in not putting temptation in your way

Exactly. Why set the scene.

OP, the fact he has told you where he is staying is a good sign.

But it's the fact they will both have been drinking that would put me on alert.

In June I am going on a work trip for five days where I'll be sharing a house with six male work colleagues- I'm the only woman going. MN must think I'm in for the time of my life judging by the way some think that men and women can't be in the vicinity of one another overnight without evil intentions to shag like bunnies...

I'd book DH a room in a B&B/hotel as a "treat".

What do your spidey senses say?

I can think of loads if situations in which it would be fine, and loads in which it would be not fine. It all depends on the agendas of the 3 people concerned.

I am answering purely based on the title. I will read the thread after [grin ]. A big fat no.

ballerina DP works for a big american firm (London office) Their events are strictly employee only, and I was expecting lots of family fun day type events like you see in films. I was a bit about not being invited to anything...

Yesterday I met a female colleague for the first time (as in, first female, not first time for this lady). We literally bumped into her in the street. Straight away she said "I feel like I know you, he never shuts up about you." I'm sure it was just a line, but it made me feel really relieved - like someone he worked with actually acknowledged my existence.

LeBear I think the six men and one woman situation is actually far less likely to end up with romance than a one to one!

Men and women can be together and nothing happen, most likely this is what would happen. However, it's also true that men and women do get together and have affairs frequently, or even just make a silly mistake, often fueled by alcohol or feeling like no-one else is around. It would be slightly bizarre to think this could never ever happen, wouldn't it? I'm sure my husband is a faithful type, as am I, but we don't go around getting drunk, sleeping at colleague's houses when no-one else is there, going back to their hotel room at night, finding reasons to go out to lunch without others, precisely because trust, like love, is an action; you behave in a trustworthy way. The more you act trustworthy and openly and professionally, without finding reasons to be alone in slightly compromising situations, the less likely you are to do something silly. I can think of several people I know who have done something stupid at a conference or when away who didn't have full-blown affairs, we won't even go into the amount who have had proper affairs with colleagues.

I wouldn't like it, I'd think of threads on here, but it is my issue not Anything about DH trustworthiness.

Wouldn't bother me but then I don't believe all women are ready to pounce on married men. If a partner is going to cheat then they will regardless of the circumstance.

I'm cabin crew for an airline. I stay in hotels with colleagues and alcohol fuelled nights nearly every week. 99% of us, of both sexes manage to not sleep together!! The 1% that do would do it at home too.

If he's being upfront, I wouldn't worry if your relationship is good.

He wouldn't ever suggest this.