Enabler FIL dying DH in pieces

[NCwithOutlaws]

I don't know if any of you remember my previous thread which was about Narc MIL and Enabler FIL writing to my DC's headteacher asking for an update on progress. We've been NC with Pil for several months.

Now DH has had several flying monkeys contacting him telling him his F is in hospital dying. D is in bits crying. He feels conflicted as he knows from Therapist the letter to headteacher was deplorable, threatening and game playing. Furthermore, that they'd crossed a line and that there is no chance of reconciliation as result. However, with the bombardment of messages from relatives telling him how he should be there for his father, let bygones be bygones and so forth he's in bits. I'd appreciate any thoughts.

[NCwithOutlaws]

Annie, even today when he called for an update he was told by a Senior Sister that FIL seems well in himself and that they're waiting for test results. Shortly after DH spoke to his uncle who told him that it's cancer and FIL hasn't got long. When DH repeated what the Senior Sister had told him his uncle scoffed in disbelief. Which then led DH back to feeling very upset and conflicted.

It's frustrating for me as he won't think objectively and rationally. I feel like I'm watching a car crash in slow motion.

[Meerka]

Then it sounds like his uncle has either been lied to extensively or has a vested interest in thinking FIL is dying. Because he actually scoffed rather than saying 'what, really? I must ask her myself!", I suspect that he has a vested interest I'm afraid.

[NCwithOutlaws]

The lies are detailed about FIL's cancer. Apparently it's an aggressive and incurable strain which is clearly different to the medical practitioner saying on Sunday that it is not terminal.

The drama and control games continue .

[Meerka]

I hope your husband can keep his feet on the ground. The senior sister's assessment has to help!


so perhaps will time, when probably FIL will miraculously get better.

[NCwithOutlaws]

Meerka, incredibly it hasn't. I think it's due to the fact that his uncle told a very detailed account of the FIL's cancer. That coupled with the emotive words: "you're the man now", "they need you" and "do the right thing". Pulling at the heart strings much

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

I hope your therapist can help your DH find some inner strength and peace surrounding this.

If FIL does turn out to be terminal I'll eat my hat then the idea of visiting out of hours so as not to bump into other toxic flying monkeys might be a good one.

OP I'm sorry you are (both) going through this. My dad really is dying of cancer and my parents are bonkers and difficult and a bit poisonous sometimes, and that is hard enough - but it's nothing like what you guys are dealing with.

[paddlenorapaddle]

Hang in there NC we've been NC with the PIL's from hell DH decision for nearly 8 years it does take work but its like breaking an addiction it may well take several attempts but you can get there together.

First things first your DH needs support to build his self esteem back up his parents have really done a number on his self esteem which is what is making him doubt himself and keep ringing up the hospital for updates

Defo back to the therapist

[RandomMess]

Has your DH actually told the nursing staff what he's been told so they can refute it?

It's such a classic tactic

Your poor DH being made to suffer by their game playing

[NCwithOutlaws]

Thank you all.

[NCwithOutlaws]

Cross posts. Nope. But did ask several times if it's a particular type of cancer and they said they're awaiting test results.

[Icimoi]

Well, the relatives were telling your DH at the weekend that FIL might only have two days to live, and he's now past that period. Might that help him to believe what the hospital says and not the relatives?

[KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable]

Wait for the test results.