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Original poster

Newish BF wants a threesome..

108 replies

Oohheck · 14/05/2015 11:27

I can't actually believe I am writing this post.
I have nc'ed for this.

I have been in a relationship for about four months now with a chappie who is caring, spends time with me, we like each other and get in really well.

Back story, I left my marriage of 20 years last summer. So I guess new chap is kind of my rebound guy?

Whatever he is, I value our relationship.

So, as things have progressed, he has talked about his ultimate fantasy being a threesome with another girl. I admit I am bi curious, and in my head it's ok. We have talked about it, and he says he knows a girl who may be willing to join us.
I have said that if this was one if my friends, I'd be telling her to step away as it has hurt written all over it.

I guess I have answered my own question.
I am also sad that he is willing to risk what we have, although it is in the early stages, for his own gains.

So, thoughts please on the three way, and also on him.

OP posts:
WhileYouWereOut · 14/05/2015 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/05/2015 15:25

Only agree to a MFF threesome if agrees to a MMF threesome first.

Golferman · 14/05/2015 15:35

As swingers my wife and I have had quite a few threesomes; both MMF and MFM. Great fun for all.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/05/2015 15:36

Meh, until you have tried a MFMFMFMTMHHMFFFFFMMM you have not lived.

Golferman · 14/05/2015 15:40

We can only boast a MMMMFFFF at a swingers party Grin

Twinklestein · 14/05/2015 15:41

Swingers are generally mingers...

BuzzardBird · 14/05/2015 15:59

Golferman, every time you talk about your threesomes I imagine you as that bloke in Benidorm Grin

"Yes, Jaqueline, great fun for all!" Grin

AWholeLottaNosy · 14/05/2015 16:00

Today 15:41 Twinklestein

Swingers are generally mingers...

What a stupid and ignorant thing to say.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2015 16:11

While what awfully bad manners today use someone's thread today take up a general personal issue with another contributor

object to what I said on this thread if you like, but why bring up comments I haven't even made here ?

and FWIW, I am not the only one to be sceptical about this rather convenient OW he has found to indulge his fantasy

AnyFucker · 14/05/2015 16:12

for some reason my phone keeps auto correcting "to" to "today"

I expect you got the gist though

LadyBlaBlah · 14/05/2015 16:24

"Great fun for all" by poster named Golferman

No idea why, but that just makes me boak.

Maybe my wild imagination of middle aged slightly overweight white male wearing those god awful golfing trousers and socks, swilling whisky, and slapping women's arses shouting "great fun" is why.

Anyway, good luck op. Great fun for all, remember.

BuzzardBird · 14/05/2015 16:45

I must admit AF I scrolled back to see where you had said that and found that you hadn't Confused.

It was more me saying that really but I gathered as it had taken so long to comment it was a grudge comment.

Golferman · 14/05/2015 17:23

On the contrary, swingers reflect real life. All sorts, young, old thin, fat, ugly, attractive etc.

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 17:29

AF and Buzzard no worries, all opinions are welcome Smile
So, I am going to speak to him later.
Not sure whether to just dump him as advised by the MN jury, or to front it out.

When I think back to some of our early conversations, when he knew that I was recently separated from STBXH, he did say that "newly liberated is so much fun"
Now I'm thinking that what he meant by that is newly liberated is foolish and naive Sad

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/05/2015 17:35

Yep, obviously a "grudge" comment, BB. Some weird people on 'ere. And some people say swingers are weird Wink

sadwidow28 · 14/05/2015 17:40

OP - Have you ever have thought that YOU might be the 3rd person and not his 'good female friend'?

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 17:42

Yes sad, that's what I mean by my naive comment.

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 14/05/2015 17:57

as advised by the MN jury

Can I just disassociate myself from what you perceive as a 'jury'.

MN is nothing other than a group of anonymous posters who offer advice and share real-life experiences,= and values in order to help out a poster (whom we hope is genuine).

LurcioAgain · 14/05/2015 18:09

OP, I'm going to largely avoid the spat above.

I'd go with trying to give yourself (not us) honest answers to the following:

Is this a fantasy you've had yourself before meeting him?

When he first suggested it and you thought you ought to at least give head space to the possibility of answering yes, why was this? Was it because your immediate and instinctive response was "intriguing, that sounds quite a turn on"? Or was it because your immediate and instinctive response was "If I don't at least think about this, he'll bin me for someone more interesting?"

I'd suggest that if your answers are "no", "no" and "yes" in that order, then I would suggest a threesome is not for you. And probably neither is he.

(And Golferman - surely unless you've done MMMFFMFlabradorMFMvulcanFFoctopus you just haven't lived...)

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 18:19

Ok, sad, I am a long term posting regular (over 10 years)
And so yes, I know about MN, just trying to have a little joke.
This is a bit woo for me, and sadly I am genuine.

LurcioAgain firstly Grin (bows down to THE master of swinging!!)

Yes, you are spot on. My answers are exactly that.

OP posts:
WhileYouWereOut · 14/05/2015 18:30

This reply has been deleted

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LurcioAgain · 14/05/2015 18:32

Ha ha ha - me as master of swinging! I am what the immortal Solid Gold Brass calls "a heteromonogamous mundane" - if you sawed me in half, I'd have "vanilla" written across my middle (but one who is firmly of the opinion that so long as it's consensual, "your kink is not my kink and that's okay").

But the thing is, what's up for grabs here is not what our kinks are, but what yours are, and what you're comfortable with, and how you set your boundaries in a way that is healthy for you long term. Hope this thread has helped you to answer this for you, and think some of this through.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2015 19:08

while I have no issue with the advice you have given to op

what I do have a problem with is you using this thread to have a go at me and "all my past comments"

they have FA to do with this thread and your derailment of it negates any thing else you have said here in my opinion

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 19:09

It has thank you lurcio

I can't quite believe that he has been playing me all along. As an aside from this, he is lovely, caring. He has supported me through DMIL's illness and death. He texts me first thing and last thing, he rings me just to check I'm ok.
And because I have never been with someone who shows their affection in these ways I have really been swept up with it.

OP posts:
MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 14/05/2015 19:51

AHEM