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Original poster

Newish BF wants a threesome..

108 replies

Oohheck · 14/05/2015 11:27

I can't actually believe I am writing this post.
I have nc'ed for this.

I have been in a relationship for about four months now with a chappie who is caring, spends time with me, we like each other and get in really well.

Back story, I left my marriage of 20 years last summer. So I guess new chap is kind of my rebound guy?

Whatever he is, I value our relationship.

So, as things have progressed, he has talked about his ultimate fantasy being a threesome with another girl. I admit I am bi curious, and in my head it's ok. We have talked about it, and he says he knows a girl who may be willing to join us.
I have said that if this was one if my friends, I'd be telling her to step away as it has hurt written all over it.

I guess I have answered my own question.
I am also sad that he is willing to risk what we have, although it is in the early stages, for his own gains.

So, thoughts please on the three way, and also on him.

OP posts:
category1 · 14/05/2015 13:07

A threesome =/= polyamory @flora & meditrina. Polyamory is having multiple ongoing loving relationship, the emotional component being valued and looked for. Most people who try threesomes have no interest in it going further than sexy times as a one off/casual - thus not polyamory, more polyfuckery.

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 13:11

Thanks all. I know I said I am bi curious, but I don't actually intend to do anything about it. So I expect the same from him. As in, his fantasy is just that.
Yes, I am sceptical that he already had another girl lined up.
And also, yes, he should be only wanting me, and not looking to introduce a third person into the mix.

Also, I would not be able to just rock up and jump into bed with the girl, I would need to meet her first somewhere neutral, as has been suggested.

Maybe he isn't all that after all?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/05/2015 13:13

I don't think he sounds all that honey

motherinferior · 14/05/2015 13:21

Sounds a bit overly planned to me. I've got nothing against threesomes, but this one doesn't sound as if it would be much fun, frankly.

Fontella · 14/05/2015 13:23

I'm as straight as as die, but I could also say I'm bi-curious. Not that I'd ever do anything with another woman in a million years because the thought of getting down to the nitty gritty with a female just don't float my boat. Above the waist I could probably manage, but below ... not a hope in hell!

But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. With my shite experiences with blokes .... if there was a lesbian pill on the NHS I'd be first in the queue down the doctor's!

Being curious about it and actually doing it are two different things. I would imagine most women have at one time or another at least thought about it, if only in passing.

But what your latest flame is proposing has got fuck all to do with you being 'bi-curious' and all about him fulfilling his 'ultimate' fantasy'. The fact that he apparently hasn't been able to as yet, and the fact that he's got one willing partner lined up ... suggests to me that he's been looking for the other i.e. you!

Don't be a bit part player in the fantasy of some bloke you've known five minutes. If you ever want to explore your 'bi-curiosity' then go for it, but not with this tosser. Sorry I know you like him, but from what you've told us about him he sounds a right tosser. And if I was a betting woman I'd be laying odds on that it's only a matter of time before that becomes even more apparent.

pieceofpurplesky · 14/05/2015 13:25

He doesn't see you as a long term partner - he wants to live out his fantasy and you seem willing

BuzzardBird · 14/05/2015 13:25

The only guys in my past that suggested a threesome had very little respect for me and just thought I would do anything for them and then be disposable. I got rid or they got rid of me once they realised I had boundaries.

paxtecum · 14/05/2015 13:26

Thinking further about this, if you did go ahead you haven't too much to lose because you've only been seeing each other for 4 months.
It might be fun and a good experience, but it might be the end of your relationship.

WyrdByrd · 14/05/2015 13:26

I'd be interested to know how he'd feel about you having a threesome with another man.

I don't think I could see him in the same light personally. If you are already posting on here about your reservations I think you have your answer.

pieceofpurplesky · 14/05/2015 13:29

What's his story? You just came out if a LTR - what about him? Is he screwing this woman already

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 13:37

Fontella that's what I mean. I'm curious, I don't fantasise about other women. It is nothing more than a thought.

I know what you are saying pax but as you asked in your pp, yes, I would be jealous seeing him with her. And yes, I think I would feel left out.

I'm a one man kind of a girl, and I expect him to be a one woman guy.
I'm going to talk to him about it tonight, and say that I am not up for it.
It's up to him then, I guess I'll see his true colours.
But TBH, if it's already this hard work, I don't know if I can be bothered. Especially as it's down to him messing with my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 13:39

pieceofpurplesky he assures me that he is monogamous. But I don't see him every day, so who knows?

He was single for a few months prior to us meeting. Been married, single dad.

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 14/05/2015 13:42

Did you meet him online?

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 13:44

Yes I did.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 14/05/2015 13:46

Oh yes, and just to add, one of my ex's also knew a woman who was up for it if I was...he was screwing her too. Lovely man.

Joysmum · 14/05/2015 13:51

Nowt wrong with threesome if both agree.

If both agree then then usual would be for partner of the same sex to chose who joins in.

The fact that your partner has gone ahead a discussed taking this fantasy into reality before focussing it with you is Shock and makes this about satisfying him, not you.

He strikes me as being sexually and emotionally selfish and inappropriate so I'd carefully rethink your relationship.

pieceofpurplesky · 14/05/2015 13:54

He is playing you - screwing the other woman too. You would be well shot of him.

zipzap · 14/05/2015 13:56

What would his response be if you said that you'd only be up for it if he had threesome first - you, him and another bloke...

Not that you necessarily want that - but I think his reaction to your request might be pretty telling - whether he's prepared to do what he's asking you to do or if he wants something for himself but not prepared to do the same for you.

paxtecum · 14/05/2015 14:03

I think you may as well LTB now.

After being married to someone for 30 years who constantly pushed boundaries, I would never have another relationship with that sort of man again.

MmeMorrible · 14/05/2015 14:10

Sounds grim. If it's something you want then IK but it's not, it's something he wants and you are considering it just to keep him happy.

Dump him now he's a user.

Original poster
Oohheck · 14/05/2015 14:11

I think you are right pax
I'm sorry you were in a relationship of that nature for so long.
You too BuzzardBird

OP posts:
Cheeseandwinegirl · 14/05/2015 14:16

Thought I'd drop in my two-cents!

It’s a really difficult one OP, I kind of think you have to go with your gut feeling.

Speaking as someone who has had a threesome whilst in a relationship I actually found it a really positive experience, it was with a friend (so her, my male DP and female me!) but it wasn’t actually pre-planned, it just kind of…happened! Been with DP for 5 years and we had never really discussed it before!

It was consensual, fun and we still talk and have a joke about it today, it’s not hurt the friendship one jot. After it mine and DP’s sex life has really gone from strength to strength, I think that was because whilst we enjoyed it we realised the best sex we could have was with each other. That’s not to say we’d never do it again, but it’s not something we have planned!!!

I’d say after 4 months though it’s maybe a bit soon, I’d imagine your sexual relationship still has a way to go and mature yet, looking back on previous relationships I don’t think I would have ever considered anything that wasn’t pretty vanilla 4 months in! If it was a causal thing that wasn’t really heading into a long term relationship then I’d probably think otherwise.

So yeah, maybe one day OP but I don’t think it’s a great idea with this guy yet!

Twinklestein · 14/05/2015 14:23

Bin

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 14/05/2015 14:25

I've had a threesome before, but with two other friends rather than anyone in a relationship. The actual sex was great fun for me and the other girl but I got the impression that the guy was less excited by the experience.

We were happy to build up with lots of foreplay and kissing etc, generally trying to please each other but he seemed put out whenever his penis wasn't the centre of attention. It was clearly very porn driven and I think he was disappointed that we weren't fighting over him! It was still pretty equal (not like Ross's wife in friends!) but just didn't live up to his fantasy at all.

So that wasn't fantastic without the complications of a relationship and even then the jealousy was pretty major...

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 14/05/2015 14:26

It's interesting that so many times in this scenario, the man seems to 'coincidentally' already have the other woman lined up and ready to partake.
It's entirely about him fancying both women and wanting them to perform for him.

Plus, his male assumption that all women are bi, just like he sees in porn, not even taking into account that the two women may not even be attracted to each other.
That sets off my twunt meter in a very big way. Especially in a new relationship.

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