found out yesterday my dh has had an affair.

[granarybeck]

i don't know how to cope or what to do. i have never felt this bad in my entire life.

f**king hell geordie girl. i'm so sorry i have only just checked your post. i feel so cross and hurt for you. v. hard to know what to put if SHE may be reading this. well who cares anyway. how do you feel now? do you trust him? why are men so bloody stupid? they are. i can see clearly you and your kids are what is truely important to your dh but why are they so stupid as to not speak and be honest. has he said why he still wanted to be friends with her? or was it just a not thinking at all rather than actually wanting to? i really want to send you so much strength, you must feel exhausted by it. what kind of pathetic woman could belittle herself so much as to carry on chasing something that is clearly no longer up for grabs. she should take a long look at herself and what she feels capable of doing to another woman and to a family. even if she is no longer capable of spoiling something which is too strong. sorry i am ranting now, just so shocked. if ever you want to email me feel free. loads of love, granarybeck x

sorry gg, just read my post, sounds like i'm shouting at you. i really wasn't, just really shocked and upset at what had been going on for you. take care (smile)

Geordiegirl,

I have followed your story from the beginnig but not posted. But I would like to add my support to you, and hope that the outcome is one that makes you happy in the long term.

I have been through something similiar to this and ican understand your pain.

My thoughts and hugs are with you ((())))

Thanks Kalex- it does help to know others fully appreciate what you are feeling and take the time to say so. i hope your story has a happy ending?
GB, didn't take it as shouting at me- thanks for the strength of your indignation, matches the strength of my anger with dh over the last few days. I'm not a scream and shout and say cruel things type of person but boy does he know i'm furious with him at the moment how dare he totally disregard my feelings!!!
Do I trust him? strange though this might sound, more than ever I trust that he wants to be with me and has actually fully realised just how little she means to him compared to me. But at the moment the damage has been done to my belief in our being able to heal this together ( I thought we were doing it together as painful as it was and then I find out he was still giving away a part of himself that belongs to me)
He says he kept in touch because he felt responsible for the state she was in and the state her marriage was in!!!!hello, is she not an adult who "has made her bed etc...." It has also occurred to me she has been wrapping him round her little finger, I'm sure things were not great with her and her dh- but how much of her tale was poetic licence to keep my dh feeling guilty and therefore interested?
I was very angry when he told me he knew she had been reading this- one of the reasons I started talking on here was I knew she had no children and would not in a million years be interested in a site for parents. I spent a week when I desperately needed to vent my feelings (and all my pals were away on holiday) not even being able to seek the support of the MN gang. Then I sat and read everything I'd written and realisd I don't care if she's read this or any of it-it really just makes her more callous and selfish in still persuing my dh when she knows how I feel about him and he about me.
Can I trust him? only time will tell. I know now I could live without him but I choose not to do so and he now has to work very hard at winning back my trust. were it not for the solid foundations we have in our 22 years together and my belief that we can get stronger through this, then I would not have made the same choice.
How are things with you?
Thanks again for your support, everyone.

so glad you sound like you are feeling stronger. i completely understand the feeling that he was still giving a bit of himself away (even if to him he wasn't doing). that is just how i described it to my dh when he phoned or texted her for the month or so after last seeing her.

my dh is not living with us at the mo. he is staying with his parents. my choice not his. i just don't feel i can sort out how i really feel about what has happened with him mere all the time. also whilst he was here i realised it was actually affecting the children more as i was stressed by him there and permanently losing my patience with them. i don't think many things make you feel worse than knowing you are taking things out on your children. so in that way it is much better, i have been properly there for them, he has looked after them here this week whilst i was at work. so far they seem ok. in other respects its not too good. i keep getting through a day and then realising i've got to do it all again the next day. i know at the back of my mind i can't imagine a long term future without him, but just now i don't know how to be with him after what he's done. also i hate staying in the house on my own at night which doesn't help. we are still going to relate which is good and seems useful to both of us. i think i am going to find a counsellor to see on my own.
glad you are okay
you and your dh do seem to have a strong love for each other.