Affair - just about coping part 3

[OpheliaRose]

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

Congratulations on the roast and generally successful social day. I am impressed with your DC's preference for the vegetables. What meat did you serve?

I admire you an awful lot Phee not least for some of the nonsense you tolerate on your threads of all places.

abc
a- 'want to sleep' does not mean actively sleeping
b- of course many men will be happy to sleep with many women. and so do many women want to sleep with other men but see 1 above. Besides on this thread we speak about women who sleep with married men.
c- You speak about the women who have been victims of married men who lied about marital status. The OW - or more precisely the evil wank fodder knows about his marital status and his kids.
So your post is completely irrelevant unless you are jealous because it is a thread where we all - unanimously- supporting the OP. (Believe many of us do not agree on many threads - in fact on every threads you will find a division of opinions. But not on this one by the grace of Ophelie.
All her posts have been blameless and her comportment has not been but regal. So:

1- please study your abc before jumping on your tired and tiring horses.
2- please find some other people like you to blame for the affairs of their husband. It is painful enough to be betrayed without having people lashing at us- strangers who do not know us and know nothing about affairs. Just read some professional material and you will see for yourself the complexity of affairs.
And you know what I will say something (Please Ophelia forgive me if it hurts you): I have the feeling that Ophelia's H is or more precisely was not a bad guy- he is weak and gullible and the OW took advantage of this. I say that because from Ophelia's posts it looks as if he was helping with the twins and he worried that it would be too much for her to work and raise the kids and he was willing to share all his income with her (Joint Account). And the OW here is a Satan- 'She looks like an angel but she is the devil' (Elvis Presley) applies to her. But the good husband lost all his goodness when he met her after the split from her man - she knelt down to give him a Blow Job in the cupboard and she stole his soul in the process. I do not like her at all!!!! I hate her!!! She killed him the father of the two DT and the husband of Ophelia. And we will bury him and we will curse her as much as we want. Now go somewhere to play the Saint and Just in Sex Affairs. (Hang on ARE YOU WANK FODDER and your additional info that you have not been an OW in your life is just some sentence to confuse us?

Vivacia We had pork because my DB loves crackling but our mum isn;t fan so he doesn't get it round hers (he can just about manage a microwave meal for himself!)

Rosie They are pretty big veggies fans although I expect that may be a phase! My DB did out do himself at pudding and made us all sundaes or Mondaes as he called them I'm so grateful to him he's been like a rock. We've always been fairly close but I honestly think he is my best friend right now. I guess all situations give us something to be thankful for

Ma Thank you

I think that there has been plenty of disagreements on this thread, there have been things I've wanted to disagree with, but as FriendOfBill said, it's been pretty much kept off the thread because it's still very much Ophelia's story.

GERI I fully agree- I still believe that she took the lead- I have over-blown her responsibility just in the response to abc who seems to believe that the OW is innocent, he and Ophelia are to be blamed. I stressed out his good comportment that justifies why Ophelia married him and trusted him- but you are right that his behavior since his infatuation is really bad and despicable- this is why I said 'we will bury him'- we will help Ophelia who is suffering from what he let himself become and how far he is now from the kind guy she married. He is of course as responsible as the OW for his sordid affair. Ophelia's husband died - he metamorphosed in an ugly scum to fit the status of Wank Fodder Boyfriend.

That's so funny, Ophelia, about your DB, as I was going to make a comment about you matchmaking, but thought it was maybe inappropriate in the circumstances.

Oh....now that would be something very nice to come out of this

I am talking about what has been posted ON the thread : not what has been kept from it.
And Ophelia again it seems to me that some posters have been referring to some other thread on which you posted. Am I right to assume that there is another thread on which you posted? If yes what thread are they referring to?
Did you have some nice wine as well?
Good Night! I hope you will have some good sleep this night!

Hurray for supportive brothers!

And for Mundaes!
Must remember that one!

I would like to point out that I haven't blamed OW entirely H made it clear to me he chased her, tested the waters, kissed her first, found a situation where they would have opportunity for the first blow job. My H would like me to blame him entirely I think and in many way I do. He was married and owed me the decency not to betray our vows. I've seen OW messages and she makes it very clear that her view is he is married she isn't so although its technically wrong she doesn't feel too much guilty because she's not the married one. H was willing to cheat and lie so the betrayal is on him but OW is to blame as well she could have told him no or at least said she wouldn't have a physical affair with him till he'd left me or whatever

Merry I think DB may be down playing for my sake but he seems to like her a lot.

Ma there is another thread I posted on about a woman who is thinking of having an affair with a guy from work. ABC attacked me there calling me evil for trying (unsuccessfully) to ruin OW life regarding work. which as anyone who'd actually read my thread will know I haven't done! even when asked by one of their Co workers I downplayed the details and said it was an affair I didn't once mention the sex in the work place (which is a sackable offence at their work)

I agree GERTI. I said right at the beginning that OW sounds like a rank individual, but Phee's husband is the real piece of work here, he's the one who betrayed his marriage and has behaved appallingly to Phee ever since. I think it's fine to blame the OW provided the vast majority of blame is levelled at the unfaithful husband (or wife).

It's clear that Phee understands that, her posts concentrate far more on her twat husband rather than the OW.

I'm glad your roast went well Phee, it's wonderful to see how far you've come.

I do blame WF, she knew he was married. She had the option not to get on her knees in the stationary cupboard.....I mean really how hard would it have been to avoid?

Stationery!!

sorry was just so furious at some of the above comments I wasn't thinking.

I've been holding that in for the whole thread Akifden, I'm sorry. My fingers just couldn't resist any longer, but that's no excuse.

Akifden thank you and yes I agree she is to blame in that area of it! she knew he was married and I'd like to think she would have the decency not to get involved with him but she chose to get down on her knees so thats that

By blame OW I mean they share responsibility for the outcome, she entered the situation with her eyes wide open and made a selfish choice.

I know Ophelia I just hate comments along the lines of "it's not the OW's fault she didn't know any better" when quite often they do know. No they aren't the one in the marriage contract with you but why would it be difficult for them to show compassion.

ABC I think Phee has been remarkably restrained, in her situation. She's had a horrible shock and been really badly betrayed and hurt by a man who is supposed to love her.

I agree that more responsibility lies with her H. I also agree that yes, occasionally you can fall in love with someone else and it can't be helped and you do leave and it does work out. And of course that's also a horrible shock and very hurtful.

The differentiator on this occasion, IMO, is the horrible way Phee's H and the OW have acted. They didn't fall for each other, refuse to act on feelings, stay away from each other and give H time to fix his marriage. They simply went behind Phee's back. Since she found out and he left, her H has behaved appallingly: no apologies, no remorse, no respect for how much she's been hurt, daring to give her parenting tips from the OW. The OW is also not behaving well for much the same reason.

I did not have DC but I was once in a LTR where I fell for someone else. I can tell you I agonised about it for months. Nothing happened with the OM and I kept away from him, went NC as felt I owed it to my partner to try to fix it with him. Eventually realised I was just unhappy in the relationship and would have been OM or no OM - he was just the catalyst that made me realise it. So I broke up with partner. Left it a good 6 months before OM and I became an item, did not go out anywhere my ex was likely to be, and certainly did not take selfies or post happy little Facebook statuses two days after I had broken his heart.

OW had a choice in this situation and so did Phee's H. I judge them both on their actions rather than their feelings. If her H was genuinely unhappy he owed it to Phee to be honest with her and to try and work through it, not to shag OW behind her back!!

And breathe.

No one needs to apologies to me you've all be AMAZING in my time of need.

Back to dB and friend...tell us all the gossip