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Original poster

*Money Issues*

121 replies

stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 10:53

How would persuade your wealthy husband to give you a larger allowance? Mine seems to think he is very generous but I am always overdrawn. Calls me a pisstaker and a waster of which I am certainly not either. Ideas?

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 06/11/2006 10:54

charming...

expatinscotland · 06/11/2006 10:56

Just the reason I hope my daughters are the type who make their own way in the world.

'Allowance', my arse.

All the money that comes into our family is our money.

WelshBoris · 06/11/2006 10:56

Get a job?

circlecup · 06/11/2006 10:57

Why do you need an "allowance" from your husband? surely the money belongs to both of you?

meowmix · 06/11/2006 10:57

I'd go out and get a job and have some self respect.

I hope you're kidding I really do. Allowance? are you 12?

GooseyLoosey · 06/11/2006 11:07

Joint bank account? How can you not?

Original poster
stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 11:08

meowmix, whats it got to do with self respect? I run a large house and have DC to care for, why would I need to work? Iam considerably older than 12 BTW

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 11:09

We used to have a joint bank acct until he got fed up with me spending too much

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/11/2006 11:10

Hmmm.

Why do you need to work?

B/c you spend too much money, perhaps.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 06/11/2006 11:11

I too am a SAHM yet, I do not have an allowance. The money that comes in is seperated into 2 bank accounts - the bills account and the spends account.

What is left over when bills are paid is both of ours to spend... although I do tend to spend it rather than DH. He is working all day, what does he need money in his pocket for?

If I were you I would sit down with your DH, talk openly about the household outgoings and what is left should be shared equally. You are a partnership and there should be no reliance on a partner for an "allowance"

Original poster
stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 11:18

Yes I do spend a lot but he can afford it (that sounds really awful but its not meant to be). He works such long hours, he doesnt want me to work either and at my age I have no desire to work. I look at the situation and think, we have the best of everything but you work such long hours (he adores work) so why cant I have access to more cash. Yes I would like to dress better and buy nice things for the house.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/11/2006 11:21

This isn't about money.

It's about you seeing him as a cash cow and he being a workaholic.

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 06/11/2006 11:22

Well to me it sounds like you need a divorce more than a bloody allowance.

Oh and I have a home to run, DS to look after, an access to nursing course to complete and I'm getting a job.

WelshBoris · 06/11/2006 11:22

"dress better"

boden have a sale in 2 weeks

Cappuccino · 06/11/2006 11:25

either he is

a) a pennypinching git who is keeping all the cash

or you are

b) a footballers wives-style gold digger (love that song, by the way)

cash goes into joint account for bills and savings, everything else is halved

no allowance, no messing about

foxinsocks · 06/11/2006 11:26

it's got nowt to do with whether she/you work or not

if you had a joint account once and spent too much (and you say he earns a shedload), then perhaps you need to have a closer look at your spending habits

otherwise, come up with a figure you think is reasonable and be prepared to stand your ground

it does sound like there's a lack of respect between the two of you though

Quootiepie · 06/11/2006 11:30

If its totally your money/his money, get him to pay you the going rate for childcare. My DH and I never split money, If I need/want something, if we can afford it, I can get it. If he really sees it as "him" money, you need to get your own it seems?

noddyholder · 06/11/2006 11:31

If he earns enough and you look after the house and you are both happy with that then i don't see a problem.Tell him you aren't managing on the amount and see what he says.I don't necesarily think you need to work if you have kids to look after He would have to help you sort childcare so probably easier for him to cough up more cash tbh assuming he can afford it.Maybe you could go back to the joint account and you could try not to over spend!

Original poster
stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 11:34

Yes I agree everything should be shared. I worked all those years before DC and we scrimped and scraped for everything and made loads of sacrifices. Things are different now, he is rich, he gets to work as late as he wants and no nagging from me. He doesnt lift a finger (or need to) in the home, he is totally dependant on me being here and taking care of everything why should I not have access to his riches, he acquired them along with the sacrifices I made and the support I gave. But why oh why keep trying to create a larger 'empire' at the expense of having a 'curbed' lifestlye.

OP posts:
mousiemousie · 06/11/2006 11:35

Its about jointly agreeing priorites.

What would he prefer to spend the money on? Is he concerned that providing for the future is more important than spending lots on clothes etc now?

Does he need to invest in his business?

Does he think expensive holidays/school fees are a better way fo spending the money?

Original poster
stressedoutwife · 06/11/2006 11:39

He is too busy for holidays, usually spends a week or two with us once a year whilst me and DC go alone. He just spent several hundred thousand rebuilding a house for us. Very nice too but I would be just as happy in a smaller place and have more cash to 'enjoy', less house to 'clean'.

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 06/11/2006 11:42

Being nosey here, but what is the money that does not go on household expenses or your allowance actually spent on currently?

LadyOfTheFlowers · 06/11/2006 11:43

in our house, handling the finances falls as one of my 'jobs' being a sahm.
i am responsible for running the house so control the money more iyswim.
and before anyone says it, no i do not wear the trousers and dh does not treat me like a 40's housewife.
he comes home from a day of physical toil then helps me with the kids.

meowmix · 06/11/2006 11:45

"meowmix, whats it got to do with self respect? I run a large house and have DC to care for, why would I need to work? Iam considerably older than 12 BTW"

You get an allowance from your husband. He controls your ability to make financial decisions. Having no financial control over your own spending, suggests no control over issues such as insurance, mortgages, legal standing. Suggests a father/daughter relationship rather than an equal partners relationship. You've accepted that - why?

sorry but with all the discussions on here about people who struggle to make ends meet, about wohm vs sahm, about whether SN people should feel able to use this site for support or not, your problem strikes me as trivial in the extreme. You want more money? Earn it. Prove you can be trusted to spend it doing something worthwhile not on clothes for yourself, that you can run your own bank account and not go into the red. Be the adult you say you are. Maybe then he won't think of you as a pisstaker or waster.

bran · 06/11/2006 11:48

It's really hard to tell from a one-sided view what the actual situation is here, my initial response is that he sounds controlling, especially if he calls you names as you said in the OP. But then you used to have a joint account so it seems as though his current attitude is a reaction to your previous spending habits.

There are often posts on here from women whose dh/dp spend/fritter all the spare money so there is no chance to save for anything. I'm sure that most of their dp/dh would think that they are spending a normal amount and that their other half is overly controlling. It's just different perspectives.

I second J&Rsmummy's idea about calculating outgoings and fixed costs (including some saving) and then seeing how much is left for spending money. But also both of you should consider how your attitude to money affects the other, and where your attitude comes from. Your dh may crave security that savings can give, and see your spending as a threat to the family's future if something should happen to his ability to earn. You may not realise how much you really spend (a little here, a little there), perhaps you could set yourself a reasonable annual clothing allowance, keep accounts of everything that you spend and stop spending when you've used the allowance.

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