*Money Issues*

[stressedoutwife]

How would persuade your wealthy husband to give you a larger allowance? Mine seems to think he is very generous but I am always overdrawn. Calls me a pisstaker and a waster of which I am certainly not either. Ideas?

my cash goes for groceries, birthdays, petrol, clothes for me and DC. No bills or anything, he sorts that out. What I am saying also is that he keeps money in the company rather than draw it as salary because of the tax implications. We have sat down on a couple of occasions and agreed what should be spent where, but I just don't seem to keep within budget. I know thats a crap argument but when we have what we have I just 'dont get it' that it matters if I go over budget. Just increase the darn thing and be done with it.

meowmix, I can see that my thread may seem trivial to some but everything is relative. I am not asking for the world, I was only looking for advice. We all have our problems and our issues and some are greater than others. I work for a charity part time as it happens and my DH CAN afford to be more generous.

Why do you go over budget? Is it because you underestimated costs, or because you are an impulse purchaser? Perhaps it's not so much the amount that you spend that worries him as the fact that you seem slightly out of control with it. Do you always over spend every budget by a certain amount (eg 30%)? If so then you will still be unhappy even with an increased amount of money as it will always be just that bit less than you think you deserve/need.

"when we have what we have I just 'dont get it' that it matters if I go over budget. Just increase the darn thing and be done with it. "

ok I'm in your dh's position - if my DH let me know he was thinking like that you can bet I'd have a stranglehold on his spending in an instant. I'd want to see exactly where the pennies had been spent, and I'd want to know he'd tried to stick to the budget before I had any concept of upping it.

From his/my point of view he's earning the money, working hard for it presumably, and when you just "up the budget" you're putting more pressure on him to earn the money, work harder. He obviously has a financial plan, maybe you need to really get him to spell it out to you,

I really hope you use some of hte allowance to see a good lawyer and make sure you CYA in case he pulls a fast one - like leaving you for a mistress or dying suddenly.

Errm ..... if you (plural) agree what should be spent where, that sounds a pretty good deal to me. Where's the problem with something you've agreed ?

Yet in the next line you see nothing wrong in "going over budget" (i.e. breaking your agreement) and that surely sends a message to your husband that you don't actually take your joint financial discussions seriously and want to do "what you want" irrespective of the time and effort taken in reaching a so-called agreement.

I wouldn't be happy with that either. If my DP reneged on an agreement, without first "agreeing" (again) why a particular budget, was, after all, unworkable, I'd be damn angry. It would feel like my opinions counted for nothing.

I've had a relationship with a high earning self-employed man in the past. It's a cliche but remember "tomorrow is another day". When you're self-employed you often have far less of a comfort zone (than employed people) when things go wrong. Maybe he wants to keep money in the company as security against a future downturn in business, or against his own potential ill-health (insurance doesn't usually pay out 100%) ?

Are the budgets you agree hopelessly unrealistic ? ..... £200 per month for groceries, petrol, clothes (though many people have to manage on that). If so, you need to show DH a breakdown of typical spending. But TBH, I think what I'm reading here is a case of greed, not need. If these budgets were so dreadful, then why agree them in the 1st place ?

Sorry, you sound quite privileged - and in quite a secure position too (which some people will never be able to say) ......... all this "increase the darn thing" attitude sounds very petulant and I can't help but have this image of you sticking out your bottom lip and stamping your foot.

Dont want to sound crass Expat, but if we split I'd be very much richer but that is not on either of our agendas. Meowmix, I know exactly what you are saying but I have been accounting for every penny for over a year now.Its all written down in black and white. It would make no difference to his pocket if he upped my allowance but a huge difference to my state of mind and not to be constantly calculating how much I am spending.

Trying to be helpful - can you identify specific things that you want to spend money on and then ask for specific sums? I handle our finances and am appalled at DH's lack of financial awareness - without meaning to he can single handedly wreck all my careful planning. To avoid this, we have a rule than any personal purchases over a certain amount require joint agreement.

oh I'm sorry stressedoutwife but honestly - it worries you that you have to keep a tally of what you spend? you're not exactly making my heart bleed for you.

You want your husband's attitude to change - prove you're no risk. At the moment it comes across to total strangers like you'd be straight off to versace with his credit card to buy whatever you fancied regardless of the cost given half the chance. is that his view too?

No no no miowmix, I can only dream of Versace, I'm more M & S but THINK I should be Versace. here is no way I would be buy things on that level.

I write down my expenditure as much for my own peace of mind to see where it goes as much as I do it to show DH.

Sounds like his attitude to you and money is part of his wider making more money ethos. You say he doesn't need to earn more but he is, at the same time he's making sure less money is being spent. Maybe his priorities have become a little skewed. It looks like it's a whole life thing that might need tackling rather than just your allowance.

If I were you I would probably get to the root of why he's so driven to save rather than he or his family enjoying the benefits. Does he fear it all may be ripped from beneath him? Or any other fears.

He is withholding money from you. In a marriage neither of you should be withholding anything.

It is horrible that he is making you ask for money. Ask him how he would feel if you made him ask for his dinner every night ?!

I think it's reasonable to have an allowance situation if one person isn't brilliant at managing expenditure.
If most of the money is going towards the family's future security, what's wrong with fixing a certain amount for day to day things like food etc? Otherwise, it's very easy for money to be frittered away and to build up no savings for the future.
Previous posters who've been outraged at the "allowance" thing should maybe not criticise others' financial arrangements. Having said that, if, after doing a proper analysis of where the money goes, it's not obvious that economies can be made, then fair enough, it does seem reasonable to adjust the allowance.
As far as getting a job's concerned, even then, some of that salary should go towards future savings, imo.

I cant explain why, I don't know, but he wants to keep on and on earning as much as poss so that he has enough money for his 2 DC never to have to work!!!! But they will never know that it would be a safety net (should it ever be required). He came from money and wanted for nothing and things changed and then they had no money, so I guess thats where his drive comes from. So many people we know have several holidays a year and they are a lot less well off than us but we only have one holiday. I know thats not a big deal in life but I am saying it so that you get a better picture of the situation. Surely if I am married to a millionaire I should at least look (dress) as if I am and have the lifestyle.

.

Sadly, you're not alone! We have a combined salary of £160,000pa and live in a £1m house, however I don't consider us to be particularly well off, because we have a huge mortgage, are trying to pay it off quickly and have school fees for 2dc.
I have an allowance of £600 per month and that covers (barely), all of the food (Asda, not Waitrose at the moment), my petrol, bits and pieces for the children, eg pocket money, Guides etc, clothes, shoes, makeup etc.
Maybe you could supplement your income with a part time job to give yourself some spare cash?

DH is earning around 200k per annum and we have no mortgage on our £1.6m home. There I finally said it. So now you all know why I think I should have a bigger bit of the picture. He could give it.

This will kick off.

How much does is your allowance at the mo, and how much more do you want/need?

holey moley. Well, is hes that well off, I think he should... treat you. Its not as if he works for peanuts, you must have some spare with no mortgage. To be honest, id expect a decent standard of living and clothes etc. if my DH and I were that well off...

I really dont want to say what my current allowance is for fear of irking others less fortunate because despite my moans and groans I KNOW how lucky I am and yes, I work for charity, give to charity etc and feel guilty for having so much etc etc but it wasn't always like this and there has been plenty of sh*t in my life it hasn't all been a bed of roses. I would like him to increase my allowance by 15%.

Tell him if he doesn't increase it you will have to start looking for a job.That will make him see sense.You are a partnership and he should accept that He needs some help with all this working and saving too as anything could happen and he would never have enjoyed his money or his family

he doesnt want me to get a job and quite frankly I have enough to do although I have offered a couple of times to come and work for him.

ooohhh get you lot!!!!