*Money Issues*

[stressedoutwife]

How would persuade your wealthy husband to give you a larger allowance? Mine seems to think he is very generous but I am always overdrawn. Calls me a pisstaker and a waster of which I am certainly not either. Ideas?

How can you say another woman needs a slap?That is dreadful you should be ashamed.No one needs a slap

The OP is already doing charity work. She's not being unreasonable, and doesn't need a slap. This problem is about more than money, it's about a husband who's so wrapped up in his work he's opted out of family life (sound familiar to other "well off" women?)

Yes, perhaps it is about family issues, but in her op she wanted to know about how to get more money out of him...

Nothing about 'I am worried he works so hard', nothing about 'He does not want to spend time with me', just about 'He is well of and I want more money'

That to me is outrageous, selfish, and I cannot believe someone would see their husband as just a cashpoint.
No wonder he is spending so much time at work!!

To me the op came over as greedy and for that reason alone she needs to wake up to herself. With all the poverty going on in the world, she is moaning about more money, 'for pretty things for the house'

Jeez.....

Here is a different approach, nobody shoot me!

Buy Posh's new book and follow all her advice, funded by credit cards. Get the St Tropez tan, fake nails, regular blow dries, wardrobe etc as fast as you can.

Also order a chef to cook for you at home and invite some pals around, say its all for him, he deserves the best because he works so hard, and the best includes a glam, relaxed, loved up wifey. Buy lots of expensive lingerie too and have the bedroom redecorated by a designer.

Dp might be jolly impressed by how glam you have become?

If not then get one of those trendy toy dogs to lavish your affections on instead.

Also, start a business of your own, something which will entertain you and that you will enjoy. Don't worry about profitability too much.

Look, I posted on here earlier and my post was rude and took the piss and for that I apologise. I found it weird/amusing that someone with so much more money than me was basically in the same situation ie. feeling crappy about not having enough nice things, wants more money for facials, clothes, make up etc.

I wrestle with these feelings all the time, we (dh, ds, me) have around £100 a week after bills and outgoings. That has to buy the three of us food, cover birthday presents, petrol, entertainment, clothes for all of us and treats, make up etc etc etc. So, as you can probably guess, we spend the vast majority of it on food and then we take turns to get clothes, nights out and so on. The last time I bought any make up was April, the last time I had a hair cut was June, the last time I bought new clothes (ie not charity shop stuff) was August. It isn?t easy because in the past when I have worked full-time I have had more money and been able to have these things.

However, I can handle it because, my dh makes me feel loved and beautiful and appreciated, I thank God/Buddha/Mother Earth that I have enough money to pay my mortgage and bills and I know that one day soon I will be able to go back to work full time and we?ll have more money coming in for life's luxuries.

I really have to agree with all the others on here and say that money doesn?t appear to be the issue here. The issue is with your relationship and specifically with his inability to balance his work and home life in a way that makes you feel important - and you should feel important, you are his wife.

I would love to know if he has he always been this driven by work and if there was a time when he wasn?t so rude to you and treated you like a Queen and you really felt like a team together. If there was such a time then it should be possible to get back to it, to rediscover those bonds.

Relate might not be a bad first step.

I'm going to end my post here and thank all of you who have been constructive. I have obviously offended some of you, why, because I am rich and have problems. Being rich does not mean you have no problems. Let me tell any one of you who think little of me, I would happily give it all up tomorrow and have nothing if I could have the love and consideration of a good man, in this case my DH. Well its just not going to happen. He is work driven, always has been, is extremely good at what he does and has not intention os slowing down, no not even for his family. Yes he is ambitious but more than that he is obviously selfish. After 20yrs of make do and raising two DC virtually singlehandedly, yes I want more from him. He obviously is not going to give himself so I am requesting more cash. I see absolutley nothing wrong with that at all. Without me behind him all these years and using ALL the capital from our first home he may not have been able to set up alone at all. Yes I deserve something back, then if it cannot be his time, it will be financial compensation which will allow me to go out, shop, lunch, have fun whatever, inbetween the charity work I already do, just for the record. Think yourselves lucky whoever you are that has a loving and devoted husband, I know which I would rather have.

I agree you are more than entitled to more money although as someone in a loving relationship I feel sad that you can't have both and second whoever said relate might be a good idea Good luck xx

I wouldn't worry about it. Women who give up work give their men sex and domestic services in return for pay. I could never be a housewife and I have always worked full time. I don't see why anyone would baulk at what you suggested. It's what most of them do. Stay at home motherhood and marriage really is arguably glorified prostitution in many senses. I don't understand this idea of why women like economic dependence on men. But you have that model then presumably what you're paid to sleep with them and serve their needs and mind their children and scrub their house or whatever is up for negotiation whilst married.

Xenia!

And you seemed almost to have a point on that other thread .

Now you're just being daft.
And ridiculously ignorant.

xenia you are unbelievably rude and very narrow minded.You can only both work if someone else looks after your kids so if you decide to do it yourself you are a glorified hooker!

Shes a rich bitch who is alone after paying off her husband

Can't believe anyone would put up with someone with an attitude like that

stressedoutwife, in your first post I didn't have much sympathy for you, but as your situation has become clearer I can appreciate it more. I hope you can get some satisfaction, although I'm not convinced a 15% increase in your allowance is going to provide it.

Xenia, will be informing my dh that he is a glorified prostitute (I don't think he is really providing value for money, hmmm).

I am thinking glorified prostitute sounds better at the school gates than stay at home mum though!

I've had to put myself down as a 'homemaker' on the mortgage forms. I'm thinking I should ask to be reclassified....

Stressed, it was me who suggested Relate, and I hope you do make it there. You need support and understanding from other women, not nasty judgements from Xenia it must be a long way down from that pedestal you've placed yourself on Xenia- I quite agree with Noddy. We could stand your prostitution argument on it's head Xenia, are you prostituting yourself to the world of work if that is your choice?
Stressed, you have every right to ask for more of your DH, more time with family, more respect for yourself, more everything. Try Relate. And the best of luck to you - don't let the bitches grind you down! Women, we need to allow for differences - how about some tolerance?

I like it when we have to fill in forms and no allowance has been made for the concept of 'man as housewife'. Quite often dh has to say he is a 'houseperson', whatever that is - or actually 'housewife'. More often now you get 'domestic responsibilities' which I think fits the bill better.

ok read this thru again and
i feel
its bs
not real....if it is real its prob like this
shes obviously been set a budget by dh,cos she overspent in the past, and she dosnt like it!!

xenia....love an outspoken woman!!
here on MN they dont really seem to get the idea of "other peoples opinions" when it conflicts with their own...they,in the majority, want to hug it all away!!not alot of help in the real world...predict that soon someone will swear at you so
in advance

huggiehugsfromcowmad!!!>>>>>>>

stressedoutwife. your post does not cause me offence. in fact i have relative in a very similar situation - her husband has made it very clear over the years that work is more important to him than family - he COMMUTES for work from the UK to the USA once a week FFS. My relative is left at home with shed loads of cash but no husband to love. her kids have grown up and it is worth pointing out that both of them are very happy "under achievers" - they certainly had the brains to go for great careers but they have seen the impact of their father's work-centred lifestyle and have chosen family over a high income.

It might also be worth pointing out that her husband has Aspergers Syndrome which I am sure has something to do with the situation they are in.

Ummm, £200,000 per year is not sufficient to be mortgage free on a £1.6m house at this stage in life (I'm guessing early middle age)...unless there was some initial inheritance to start off with, and wouldn't normally make for a millionare (at least not in liquid assets)

Is this fake?

Well, I hate having no money at all. I don't like not having a job and I don't like feeling worthless. If you don't have enough cash, that is it. It is really hard keeping everything going. It is miserable trudging round the supermarket looking for whatever is cheap every time. It is bloody hard work keeping a big house reasonably tidy and clean enough. It is pretty draining when you have to do everything yourself when you do not have a supportive family. I would love to be able to buy new clothes. I would love to be able to afford some help since I have such little family support. It is emotionally draining. Men use prostitutes so they get the sex but none of the consequences. So do women.