DP's comment in argument - don't know what to think.

[aliceregintt]

In a heated discussion/light argument, DP said 'being selfish makes people happy and so that's what I'm going to do. This makes me happy so I'm going to be selfish and do it.'

Context was regarding work - DP wanting to take a job that would mean my life was also uprooted etc etc due to its location. The context isn't really important - I'm willing to support DP as much as possible regardless of jobs, and work as a team to have a life together, but this comment made me feel a bit sick. He claims now it was said in anger, but he didn't sound angry when he said it - it sounded very calm and assertive.

Should I be worried? My worries are increased by the fact that his single, divorced mum (who is very much a part of his life), has a belief system that DP should have a single life that does not involve me and should not be concerned about my needs (word for word what she said). And the longer I'm with DP, the more I am starting to see that her - in my opinion - odd relationship views are in many ways imprinted in DP's mind (though he would claim they are not).

Thoughts anyone?

Thanks.

Agree with Pocket. You may find that if he was with another woman who he felt differently about he may be a totally different man.

Im sorry but he doesn't sound like he is into you as much as you ate into him.

Mmm, reminds me of one bf who after I had supported him all year got a job and told me that he was going to spend his first pay packet on clothes for himself.

I cut and ran.

Really, happiness comes from being unselfish but not to the point of being a doormat for a taker.

I totally agree about the nightmare of you being a SAHM with a partner like this.

I think what this means is

You will always be the one living further away from your work.
You will always be the one living further away from family/friends.
You will always be the one moving for his career.
You will always be the one waiting for the proposal that will never appear (unless he suddenly realises you really are leaving him!!!).
You will always be the one doing the compromise (that is already happening).

If/when you have DC this will also pass down to them. He will still be number one to himself.

Fortunately you have realised this now before it is too late and you are tied to this man forever.

I don't think my DP would have an affair, he isn't that sort of man

That's what so many of us say - until it happens

You've already said he's selfish, entitled, takes from the relationship without giving back and is oblivious to the effects of his actions on others. So what happens if something doesn't quite suit him and he looks elsewhere - he's not going to suddenly realise his mistakes, is he?

At 28 you're young enough to start again; alternatively you could waste years and years pointlessly waiting for him to change .....

LTB

Don't think I've ever posted that before!

Honestly, it's only going to get worse, not better. He might improve slightly for a short while if he doesn't want to lose you, but at the end of the day he will get his way, and you will be doing all the compromising again, and so it will go on.

You are realising that you will always come not even second, but so much further down the pecking order in his priorities. If you had kids with him, then they would be down there with you.

And of course it is lovely to want to make a loved one happy, but as you have observed, that really does need to go both ways

I wouldn't relocate for a man without a wedding ring on my finger. Waaaay too risky. My friends boyfriend wanted her to give up everything to move overseas but wouldn't propose so she refused to, dumped him and moved out. This brought him up short he realised what he was throwing away, begged her to have him back, been happily married for 12 years now three lovely kids he is a good dh and father.

She needed to do that somehow put a marker down that her wants were important too and he needed to respect that.