Have you ever come across a Sociopath / Psychopath?

[Bursarymum]

I've been reading 'The Sociopath Next Door'. And it got me thinking. Psychopathic killers are rare but it seems those without any conscience are not so rare.

^kind
not king

Sorry to hear that wannabe :(

I think 'my' sociopath has just turned on me. To cut a very long story short, I feel really quite relieved - a burden has come off my shoulders. I've supported her through thick and thin for 16 years, its always been about her - and although the current situation is tricky and I am no means 100% in the right, it's all HER doing. I dont think we'll ever speak again; and actually that feels quite good?

My H had a very dysfunctional childhood including being abandoned by his mother and still has many insecurities - he seems to attract sociopaths like moths to a flame. When we met his ex girlfriend caused no end of problems. She'd split up with him because she was gay, except that every time he met someone new she suddenly wasn't gay any more and maybe thought they should get back together. Followed him to university, told him she was going to kill herself every time he started to form new friendships so he could never pull away from her - his abandonment issues made this worse, as well as the fact that a close family member of his had actually committed suicide which she used to her advantage. When we met she'd moved away but if she knew I was staying the night with him would phone late at night to tell him she thought she had meningitis and tell him he needed to call her at 6am to check she was still alive. She was unbelievably manipulative. This is many years ago but I'm still angry at the way she treated him and how she targeted all his insecurities to keep him dangling.

Apparently she's now married with children.

Good news, yolo! Hope she stays gone and can't do too much damage in the going.

Pity those children, munki :(

yolo let's hope that's the last you see of them!

Seeing this thread pop up again has prompted me to think again about my XP and his behaviours. Again, not 100% convinced he is s/p but there's something....

He is very anxious to be 'seen' to do the right thing and is very concerned with how things appear on the surface and the outward trappings of success (well to do middle class family man with good job). Whether things are ok under the surface is not important, as long it looks right.

Other people are tools to be used to his advantage. How they feel about things is not important. If he can do something awful, no matter the effect on others, and get away with it he will. But he won't do it if there's a chance of being caught (appearance again). Will lie and lie and lie to the point he believes and has other people believing his lies. It's true because he says so. Things you know happened didn't actually happen, because he decided they didn't.

I don't believe he has a conscience in the way that 'ordinary' people do (ordinary is not intended as an insult btw) and that allows him to behave as he does.

Just musing out loud really.

Much sympathies to anyone caught up with this type

flippinada, you have just described my brother exactly. It is quite disturbing, I know you can't be his ex otherwise I would think it was the same person.

It's weird though. What she did was start trying to bully me with a nicely veiled blackmail threat in there. I held my ground and have not heard from her since - this all happened Fri/Sat. She has posted some passive-aggressive shit on FB about loyalty which I just know is aimed at me and all her friends have 'liked' it.

Luckily its all happened by text, and in her profession blackmail would be a very serious offence so I hope she doesnt try to escalate things.

Since it happened though I have really realised just how much about 'me', well her, our relationship was. I must have got something out of being the shoulder to cry on/the rescuer from every number of dire situations but the thought I dont have to do it again is intensely liberating.

But because the relationship is all about her she doesnt know me as well as she thinks she does, so she doesnt understand that bullying/blackmail is the very worst approach she could have tried because my innate stubbornness means I dont like being pushed around...

flippinada I think a lot of successful business people find it very easy to fall into the 'people as tools' mode, but some have a line they won't cross while others have no such line.

Hiding scary, isn't it, how the behaviour patterns are so immediately recognisable?

Yolo I understand what you mean about successful business people. I think having a line you won't cross is the business equivalent of having a conscience. Does that make sense?

scored 27 -couldn't read some of the expressions at all-eyes are the windows on the soul but some of them in those pictures needed a good clean

yy re the conscience flippin or moral compass

my ex boss had tendancies

Glad to see this isn't a total zombie thread as it'll be good to get it off my chest to people who will actually believe me and take it seriously.

My sister's ex is, without doubt a sociopath. He's got convictions for beating her senseless. There was heavy social services involvement because they have two kids together.

I don't care what anyone says, his eyes are totally dead. He's Mr happy, jolly joker who everyone loves but it doesn't matter how much he's acting the goat his eyes are completely expressionless. Total attention seeker, actually calls himself an actor because he has a role in the annual pantomime.

I acted as my sister's advocate during core meetings with SS. He sat there and bare faced lied about me. Huge whoppers of lies. I would be absolutely dumbfounded that he was saying these things with me sitting right there. Him knowing that I know he was lying but doing it so glibly. When their second child was born (emcs) my sister crashed in recovery, her heart stopped due to internal bleeding that hadn't been noticed. While the crash team was rushing her to theatre he sat and calmly ate a sandwich. Didn't blink or even let any of us know she was in such danger. She was clinically dead for 12 seconds, so a pretty serious incident.

One time I called him out on his behaviour, it happened to be during a phonecall but he got so angry with me I had to hold the phone away from my ear - he was absolutely raging. I've no doubt if I'd been in the same room I'd have been physically attacked.

There are so many incidences of violence towards my sister (including broken bones) and every time she'd.make excuses as to what happened and he'd sit there without flinching, all the time knowing the elaborate excuses were lies and he was responsible for all of her injuries.

He's got a new girlfriend now who believed his conviction for assault were all my sister's own fault. My sister saw them recently. She was sitting in the back of the car crying (he used to make my sister sit in the back when he was angry with her) and he had hold obtuse steering wheel with a murderous look in his face. It's.clearly happening to her too now.

I despise him but his charm meant after he broke my sister (and he did) he won custody of the kids. Thing is you say you think he's a psycho but people assume psycho means Ted Bundy or Ian Brady and because he's not a serial killer, he can't be. I've got his number.

Hold of, not obtuse!

God how horrific bottleofbeer. He sounds monstrous. Your poor sister.

BTW your last sentence is absolutely spot on. These people hide in plain sight.

That's the dreadful thing, isn't it Bottle - extensive, destructive, head-fucking abuse leaves you a gibbering mess while the perpetrator presents all calm, smiling, rational and together. It causes untold damage :( My best wishes to your sister.

My cousins knew him from years back as they all grew up in the same area. They hated him, said from day one that they couldn't be in the same room as him. We didn't really understand it because he was so charming. In the early days he and my sister lived quite a distance away and tbh I didn't take that much notice of him as I had three young boys and he was just my sister's boyfriend. So the odd nuances passed me by. But when I did take notice it hit me that his eyes never matched his outward demeanour. And it was startlingly obvious when I did notice.

My sister will never be the person she was. She's quite unbearable herself now if I'm honest. He snapped something in her mind.

That is EXACTLY it Gilrack. He's Mr reasonable. She's the head case.

Yes yes. The person in my life causes havoc then tells the people he has hurt that he is really worried about them and that they need counselling. Has a congenial 'front' that belies the lack of real understanding beneath it. Never says sorry. Never takes responsibility. No reasoning with him because you can't establish any common ground, even basic facts. Notably avoids the written word.

oh bottle I am so sorry for you, and your sister. My niece is married (still) to someone similar, with 3 children. Awful situation.

Meanwhile my sociapath continues with the passive aggressive fb shit - which means nothing in the context of what you've said. Although her post about "be grateful you dont have ugly children" is bitchy to say the least when she knows my DD1 is due to have quite serious facial surgery...

This is a totally new one to me, seen as i suspect that I am being labelled by someone of being a possible sociopath. This is just the latest in a list of things the person is trying to pigeon hole me as and I am finding it all rather disturbing. Aspergers was the first one. Having these things labelled at you can be unsettling while at the same time intriguing, but I do wonder what damage people can cause by incorrectly labeling someone with something as truly serious as being a Sociopath.

I have not read too thoroughly into this much yet, but I think i am going to have to for my own piece of mind. From the few bit's I've read so far, re- the signs and traits - I love animals , I love my partner and our children , I do feel empathy ,I know right from wrong , i experience guilt , i do have a conscience ( i often over worry things as a result) I am not violent , I may be a little lazy but not as lazy as my partner is. I do suffer sometimes with social anxiety (in the olden days that would be put down to being a bit shy or low on confidence, but with all the amateur psychologists around these days , there is a syndrome , disorder or illness for every single type of behaviour anyone exhibits) I have lots of friends . Good friends, male and female, with strong friendships , many stretching back to early childhood and most over 20 years.

I don't have a sister anymore. At least not a sister I'll ever have any kind of sisterly relationship with. She tried so very hard at school, it didn't come naturally to her like it did for me and our brother (incidentally neither of us ever did much with a natural ability) she got herself to uni though. She had friends, she was....normal. Not anymore. As is often the case the abuse began when she got pregnant. He started cheating and had no remorse for it. His family enabled the abuse. Under the guise of helping her out they took her almost new born, ebf baby for days at a time until her milk dried up. Then told ss she didn't want the baby. Taught said baby to call her by her first name and not "mum".

She'd go without eating for days because he'd take what little money they had to take other women out. On more than one occasion his family members came to 'help' waited till she fell asleep and they'd all go out for a slap up meal while she was hungry with no food in the flat.

I absolutely hate the lot of them. His sister has turned up at the school gates on the days my sister is due to pick her daughter up and forcibly taken my niece from her "because she's unfit". There's a properly dodgy gene in that family. If they were on fire and I had a glass of water I'd stand over them and drink it.

Another example of how bad this family is; the mother's brother was a youth worker (still is) and started a relationship with a 13 year old when he was mid twenties. Years later they're still together and this is considered a love against all odds fairy tale. Actually, it doesn't matter whether they're still together or not. He's an actual paedophile by definition and he STILL works with youths. It 're upsets me that these inbreds have far more access to my nieces (the younger of which has severe autism and can't communicate, prime bloody target for a paedophile )

bottle that is desperately sad and horrifying. You must fear for the children. I hope your sister can find some peace eventually.