Have you ever come across a Sociopath / Psychopath?

[Bursarymum]

I've been reading 'The Sociopath Next Door'. And it got me thinking. Psychopathic killers are rare but it seems those without any conscience are not so rare.

[EssexMummy123]

There was a previous thread about this sort of thing and one of the posters who'd been diagnosed as a sociopath answered a few questions it was pretty interesting.

[JoeP79]

Try 'The Psychopath Test' by Jon Ronson. Very enlightening but funny deconstruction of the psycho/sociopathy field.

[piddlemakesmegiggle]

My husband has Borderline Personality Disorder with sociopathic tendencies. I used to describe him as just being a bit selfish but it's so much deeper than that. It's hell on earth. I've probably just come to realise that I'm not going to have any aspect of a 'normal' life until I leave him but that causes so many other problems. For instance, I had to face some people this week that I was dreading, he knew how it was affecting me and promised he would be there with me and 'deal' with things. I left him to lock up the car and follow me. He turned up half an hour later by which time I'd had to deal with the nastiness and it left me a bit of a wreck. His excuse? I hadn't made it clear to him what I wanted him to do. Always my fault, or someone else's but never his. And if I felt I'd let someone I cared for down I would go out of my way to make sure they knew I was sorry. Not him. He just carries on in his own selfish manner without seemingly a care in the world.

Living with a sociopath is absolutely horrible, I can't find any positives.

[YikesFeelingScared]

I was married to a either a sociopath or psychopath but Im not sure which one.

I went for counselling to a psychiatrist and after a few sessions I said I think my husband is sociopath, and just as I was saying sociopath he was saying psychopath.

However given a few posts in this thread I would now veer more towards psychopath.


I once googled born without a soul and sociopath came up and its what set me on the road to getting to the bottom of him because I knew it was only when I knew what I was trying to move on from that I'd be able to move on.

[Hidingmyidentity]

I am pretty sure that my half brother is a sociopath, I have known something was "off" with him since I was a child but never knew it had a name. His responses to situations are not normal. There are common traits to others on here, nothing is ever his fault, he is a gambler, he can be sociable in company, lots of mates but no long term or close friends. The best way I can think of describing him is play acting or pretending to be human as I prefer to think of it. When the mask slips it can be terrifying. He is an habitual liar & I have caught him out many times but he never ever backs down.

I have limited contact with him now but we have an elderly parent & sometimes have to communicate. It totally ruins my day when I have to have contact, even though it is only by text, and yet he still manages to fool a lot of people who come into contact with him.

When you work with a sociopath you have the option of changing jobs, when it is family member it is hard to avoid them. I have told this story before on here but it describes my family to a T. When half brother was a lot younger he shot someone with an air gun, to this day both he & my DM blame the victim for "running into the bullet", fortunately the courts didn't believe him & he did get prosecuted.

[stubbornstains]

I think the terms sociopath and psychopath are interchangeable, technically speaking.

DS's father, unfortunately. It's the lies, the total lack of remorse and the refusal to take responsibility, in his case. Oh, along with the thrill seeking, and the way he'd give me the silent treatment once he had me where he wanted me. He hasn't had proper contact with DS since he was born, and to be honest I think that's a blessing in disguise.

[BettyCatKitten]

The psychopath test is a brilliant book
I've worked in mental health so have come across both.

[PutWittyUsernameHere]

I dated someone for 18months who I now believe to have psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies. He had no empathy, or understanding of how his actions affected others, and was interested mainly in impressing others, and in how he appeared to people. He had no concept of sincerity, and although he had plenty of friends most of them were a little wary of him, although it took me a while to understand why.

I never felt in any physical danger from him, but my sense of self was in tatters by the end of the relationship, as I just became an extension of him.

Having read this thread, I'm fairly sure that an ex-colleague was somewhere on the same spectrum; he was very charming, but manipulative and loved getting information from people and using it against them.

[wickedwaterwitch]

The psychopath test is a great book, I agree

Lots of them in the corporate world!

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

My father and at least two of his brothers are all sociopaths. Serious attachment disorders from growing up in a very violent and impoverished background. The eldest brother was diagnosed schizophrenic and depressive. The others are undiagnosed and in serious denial. Manipulative, lacking empathy, unable to relate to the world and their children in a normative way. I had some of their traits growing up and I think I still can lack empathy occasionally or have to be prompted.

My DSIS married a psychopath with awful consequences. Thankfully that is behind her now but I feel for the DC.

[LadySybilLikesSloeGin]

Same as stubbornstains. No remorse (treated me really terribly including going off with someone else while I was in hospital in premature labour. He didn't actually tell me either, they were seen together by my friend), refusal to take responsibility, blames me for keeping him away from ds but can't see what he's done to cause the problems (he was verbally abusive towards ds but won't acknowledge this at all). If you don't behave how he wants he's verbally abusive or will stonewall you (for years!). I'm really not sure what the problem with him is, I just know that he's not right.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I think it's environmental and conditioned - not hard wired. They all had an appalling childhood with a very violent father and then, living very rurally, grew up without much in the way of alternative role models or social rules keeping them in check.

I have an undeveloped hypothesis about that generation of baby boomers and the rural / urban underclass producing so many serial killers - Fred West, Michael Ryan, the Krays etc.

[YikesFeelingScared]

Your mention of schizophrenic and depressive interested me because of ASD being more prevalent in families where there is Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder.

My husbands family are fascinating.

[DeckSwabber]

What strikes me about the person in my life (who I keep as arms length as possible) is:

• utter disregard for others views/perspectives/opinions (unless it suits him). It's almost as if he can't comprehend that other people's minds work independently.
  
• believes his own lies. I've caught him out several times and when confronted will simply deny things even if I have rock-solid proof.
  
• never, ever apologises. Ever. Even if he does something obviously wrong (such as breaking something) he will laugh but won't apologise.
  
• blames others for any problems and will lie to cover up for his own failings.
  
• very convincing if you don't know him. Very charming and disarming.
  
• will tell people who are upset around him that they have mental health problems and should get counselling. He'll even offer to go with them.
  

Funnily enough he hates corresponding by email but I refuse to have telephone or face-to-face conversations any more because they are a total waste of time and its so massively stressful dealing with the 'I didn't say that'/'you never told me that' routine that follows.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

ASD is interesting. My uncle formed no relationships with anyone outside his mother and siblings. He rarely left the house and was sectioned for long periods. He lived his life in constant fear and anxiety. He did not see the sea til 40.

I'm not sure about the official diagnosis as the family are in huge denial about their mental health. To them they are absolutely normal functioning adults and the rest of the world is conspiring against them. My DM mentioned schizophrenia and I know he spent a lot of time on sedatives. The family has the full gamut of disorders - substance abuse, depression, anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia etc,

[Galrick]

My dad and XH2. I believe Dad was diagnosed following a peculiar episode at work. He was a sadist. XH2 probably never will be, he's the purportedly quiet type. I've had a textbook NPD boss, flatmate and husband as well.

As Joan says, we'll all have dealings with some such folks: they aren't rare, and tend to get themselves into influential roles. These days I try to practise compassionate detachment Nothing will work if you're targeted, though, except a rapid & total retreat!

Through therapy groups, I've also met some diagnosed psychopaths who understand themselves and consciously avoid inflicting harm - but if I ever need a lawyer or a bodyguard, I'd want to hire one of them!

[Hidingmyidentity]

Deckswabber- yes the sociopath in my family has all those traits especially the ones about lying, even when confronted, just denies and no apologies ever.

Communication only ever in writing, no personal information given as it is always used against me.

[jonrotten]

My husband, I'm certain. Absolutely no empathy, compassion or understanding.

[lastlines]

Yes, the father of a close friend. The things he has got away with (including underage rape) are chilling. And the world reacts to him as though he were a lovable rogue, larger than life.

An ex-friend is a sociopath, and not as good at hiding it as she thinks. She makes emotional mistakes. Creepy, very high powered, glamorous woman with no heart. She has done some horrible things with absolutely no shame or guilt, or even a notion that they were wrong.

[BumgrapesofWrath]

I have dated two people who I would say are sociopaths - weirdly, I think that they're my type, and I've had to deliberately distance myself from men like this.

The first one I'm on friendly terms with now, and I know him reasonably well. Utterly charming when he wants to have sex with you. Utter mind fuck once he's had you - felt totally out of control when I was with him. Totally lacking in empathy. Changes personality and what his interests are depending on who his crowd is. Very, very successful career wise - has used his charm to get where he is. Gets bored very easily. Lies a lot, even everyday things that I can't understand why you'd even be bothered to lie about it. Grass is always greener, and, though I can have a laugh with him, I'm never convinced he's been happy.

Second one I'm in no contact with as I believe him to be dangerous. Sexually manipulative. Lied about family members being dead/ill for his own ends. Led a complicated double life. What concerned me about him is I could see one day his lies unravelling, and I'm not sure what he would do when it did.

[Galrick]

One of my brothers ticks enough boxes on the diagnostic matrix to make me keep my distance. We used to be very close when I was an advantage to him. Now I'm not, I've seen more of his Mr Hyde persona.

[popalot]

My ex. I think he's a sociopath. He said to me once 'I don't care about what anyone else thinks' and I thought meant that he ignored negativity. Turned out he literally didn't care about what anyone thought.

He didn't care if he upset people. He would pretend to start with and apologise, to keep you sweet. But that didn't last long. In the end he clearly enjoyed watching me being upset, smiling or laughing at me crying if he was particularly nasty.

To his 'mates' he was harmless, but could throw himself around in a barfight. They enjoyed having him there, but never developed strong bonds with him in a trust sort of way. He basically used everyone around him for various things...Parents to go to when he wanted to stonewall me. Friends to borrow money from. Me to put a roof over his head. Daughter to give him credibility as a 'good dad'. basically everyone existed for him. He never put anyone before himself and totally could not understand why anyone could get upset with him when he hurt them with his behaviour. He was easily the most selfish person I have ever met.

[Galrick]

I could see one day his lies unravelling, and I'm not sure what he would do when it did.

My prediction: retreat, have a mini-breakdown, reconstruct, resume. Seen it often. The later incarnations tend to be even more rigid.