Have you ever come across a Sociopath / Psychopath?

[Bursarymum]

I've been reading 'The Sociopath Next Door'. And it got me thinking. Psychopathic killers are rare but it seems those without any conscience are not so rare.

thanks Meerka that makes a lot of sense, especially this bit: "Also if their mother was unstable, they may have learned that manipulation was a survival strategy. Someone who's struggling with emotions/perceptions can be all too easy to manipulate, sometimes as a necessity if you're powerless. But it's a tool that's hard to put down once you know it works - especially if other peoples' unhappiness isn't something yo care about"

She was a very loving adoring (rather OTT) mum, but when she flipped - which could be triggered by anything - she could be very very scary. And she said some terrible things to them.

I will check out MIND, good thought.

Springy You gave me some great advice months ago and I will always be grateful. You are very strong, though you may not feel it.

Meerka thank you. You summed it up very well - it seems to have turned into a condition rather than a few traits now. When it all first happened, I thought he would 'come back' to himself and realize what he had done / what he had lost. But I can't see any way back for him now. When I remove all the pain he has caused, I feel a deep sadness for him because he really has ruined his whole life at a reasonably young age. I am so glad I am not him. Though I imagine he does not view it like that.

sassymuffin I am sorry for what you went through. It sounds very similar. I have only realised since him leaving what he is really like. He will lie even when the truth is a better story. It's incredibly odd and recently I have come to accept that I will never be able to understand the way he sees things. It is hard because it differs so much to the man I knew, or the man I thought I knew.

I am still in the middle of the living hell he is making my life but I know it won't be forever. I hope more than anything he disappears and I never thought I would ever say that about my children's father.

"charis and ihave- I think your differing experiences of this "media tycoon" just illustrate a point about psychopaths: On superficial acquaintance, they are charming. And they are often clever enough to boost their image in the public eye with philanthropy. Many psychopaths occupy a comfortable position as "pillars of the community"."

I have personal knowledge of this "media tycoon". Utterly terrifying man. Yet, treated my Dad with the utmost kindness, although he didn't personally know him.... So odd.

I am so sorry for those of you with Hs and Partners who are like this. My DS is sexually promiscuous and has already at 18 had a series of girlfriends he has left confused and heartbroken. I fear for him having children.

She was a very loving adoring (rather OTT) mum, but when she flipped - which could be triggered by anything - she could be very very scary

this seems to be one of the worst backgrounds for producing stable, secure, decent adults. The powerless children are by turns smothered and kicked and the overpowering rage of a mother is terrifying. The uncertainty of what will kick off the rage is also absolutely terrifying. They'll do anything they have to to survive.

Further up the thread PPs mentioned the stare. My Mum does this. When she's questioned about something, or we're having a laugh about something, she'll just do this stare. DS calls it her "death stare". Mum gets quite upset about it being pointed out to her.

'Dead behind the eyes' is how almost all of my friends described recent photos of him. They all said something wasn't right. My Mum didn't even recognise it was him because he looked so different.

My sister is quite the sociopath she is friendless and dotes on her mother, who is also my mother that is always an afterthought with her around although it gives me time with my own family.

Reading this thread has left me feeling quite shaken, its brought me to realise my ex was undoubtedly a psychopath.
Im in a new an happy relationship now but memories of my exes behaviour still haunt me and leave me feeling frightened

My dad had a best mate and they bought a fishing boat together and spent many happy years sailing and fishing. Sadly dad's friend died a couple of years ago after a short illness and his son was left the half share in the boat. The son was a sociopath.

My dad, who was very upset by his friend's death, and also had cancer (terminal) wanted to sell the boat and split the proceeds with friend's son. This man messed my dad around wish no shame for the distress it caused my dad and mum. They just wanted to get their finances sorted out before dad died.

I met him for the first time at dad's funeral last year . Although I'd never before seen him, I 'recognised' him because he was the one still at the funeral tea when everyone else at gone home and we (myself, mum and my brothers) were feeling drained and shellshocked after a difficult day.

He chatted away to us quite happily about this and that, and seemed to have no understanding of the (surely) powerful waves of dislike that emanated from us. He'd been responsible (as far as we were concerned) of making my dad's last months even more difficult because of his horrid selfish behaviour.

What is worse is that his mum is my mum's best friend and she regularly tells mum of some of the outrageous things he has done/is doing in their family.

Merde I'm intrigued by which sleb you are referring to. Can you give us a clue? Or PM?

Yes merde. Do tell.

Actually, if people have come to that conclusion after reading their published autobiography, I think it's alright to say who it is openly, isn't it?

I'm also attracted to people with disordered personalities. I have started to see and accept what is going on for me I think. When I think about what my dad says and does, more and more I feel that he has P traits at the very least. He regularly and openly says he hates people. I've always felt that he hated me from a young age. When I was very unwell, myself and my parents would have meetings set up with my care providers. My dad would use these meetings to gleefully rip into me and say nasty things about me. I used to see other people look uncomfortable about it. My mum (disordered herself but not P IMO) has always said he isn't capable of loving anyone. He seems to lack empathy and has an obsession with animals. He is also very, very controlling.

The most recent person I was involved with who I think is a P got his hooks into me via the sexual route. One of the things that I have read is that sex with these people is often very passionate and intense because they are projecting. It's very confusing when you realise the person is a black hole.

Wrt the autobiography - is the poster worried about libel?

I worked with one and she was chilling. Always had her own agenda, displayed complete indifference to other people's feelings ( including children) and would shamelessly present plans to advantage herself and massively disadvantage others. Really good at picking out the person least able to defend themselves to manipulate to their disadvantage.
Eventually she went too far with her world domination plans and was sacked. This is when we saw the fury of her true nature, crossing all boundaries of appropriate communication and putting all sort of wild personal allegations about different colleagues in writing. Still stalking organisation/colleagues on social media years later, can't seem to let it go.
Absolutely terrifying, especially as she has small children. Work, however, is a haven of peace!

Merge, are the initials P M?

Merde (bah, autocorrect)

YES meerka. I feel bad now, as if I am psychoanalysing my friend, who I do really love.

But for example, one minute the boy would be "mummy's ickle darling" and the next minute she'd be teasing him about the size of his "chilly willy" and then he would kick off and her rage could be terrible - and then next minute all was fine again. I never saw, but she told me about violence from her to them (and them to her).

She's not exactly a drama queen but one of those people who evrything happens to, her own family is fucked up beyond belief, I dont think she knew how to be a parent (and actually at 40ish doesnt know how to be an adult now).

Shit, I do feel bad now, that I could have done something more to protect the children - but at the time, I just thought it was her personality.

Sorry to hijack thread, I need to think about this an awful lot more, and this has really made me think.

Anyway my question is. After a serious stressful life event, could someone become the very worst version of themselves and be described as a sociopath when before they would just have been called arrogant and selfish? A psychologist friend said that NPD could be 'dormant' in someone and then when times got tough, it could explode and completely take over / change the person. This has been my experience anyway.

family...I understand exactly. One day normal next day someone else in his skin. Frightening.

Why have just posted in the bar.

Frightening indeed. I mentioned it earlier but I used to think there would be a way back for him once he had realised what he had done. But I honestly think even if I sat and talked to him for hours about it all, even showed him proof of when he had lied, how much hurt he has caused, the financial implications, things my children have said etc etc he wouldn't even flinch. It would all be my fault and he would just repeat the same illogical arguments he has said in the past. It's pointless.

I thought about it on my drive home and wondered if I had been too harsh. If he is genuinely mentally ill then should I be more sympathetic? He would say he didn't have a problem so it's very hard. Same as forgiveness - I am trying to work on that for my own benefit but it is hard when the person hasn't apologised / doesn't care!

family you're so right. They wouldn't believe the evidence of the devastation they have caused. All the weasel says is 'they'll get over it'. And obviously it is all our fault because of it's our reaction to their behaviour that has hurt the children not what they have actually done.

I also thought he was mentally ill at one point but he's been so cold and calculated that I now think he knows exactly what he's doing. Although it still shocks me to the depths that he goes to hurt me. Iam nothing to him...I don't even get any respect for being the mother of his children.

It is pointless.

And unfortunately the OW buys into all the shit and encourages the nastiness to the ex wife.

I don't know whether my brother is S, P, or N or just a massive git.

What I find helpful is understanding that appealing to his better nature or reason or trying to get him to understand the damage he's done is pointless and probably counter productive, because the bottom line is that if other people are upset its got nothing to do with him or anything he's done.

I was at a family event once where the deal was that he was taking a very frail old lady home. He was having a good time and ignored her, despite her getting tired, asking to go home, and getting increasingly agitated. Several people had a word with him, but he continued to chat and have a good time. When he finally went to take her to the car he blamed her now obvious distress on the person who had been talking to her.

Life has got a lot easier for me since I accepted that there is nothing I can do to resolve the issues between us because he will simply not accept that any version of events that he doesn't like. He will simply deny or manipulate the facts, even if there is proof.

My brother has shown classic sociopathic tendencies from a very young age but his behaviour really ramped up after the death of our dad.

It's as though he thought he could do anything now as there was no restraint, no one to stop him getting exactly what he wants.

DeckSwabber yes! He will simply not accept any version of events that he doesn't like. My solicitor has sent at least two letters spelling out something (it could not have been more clear) and that what he is trying to do will not hold up in court. He has ignored both letters and carried on with his ridiculous demands. It is maddening and costing me so much money. Everyone in our 'old' life would have said he was an intelligent man. Not so much now things aren't going his way.