Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

What an arse. If you have to reply just say - she asked me and I am not going to lie for you. Then follow with a do not contact me unless it is regarding the DTs. Although ignoring is probably best if you can. Any contact should be as neutral as possible. Good luck.

Ophelia, please DO NOT let him make you feel bad for telling his friend. It isn't your place to protect either his feelings or OWs. In fact, he's clearly rattled by it, so I'd be tempted to tell as many people as I possibly could.

How bloody dare he? He expects to get out of this with his 'reputation' intact whilst you look like the bad guy?! I don't think so. I wonder how much lower this man can get?

Glad your meeting with SHL went well, I hope you feel you have an action plan and something to aim for, particularly with regard to access.

As to your H's last text. Words fail me - obviously, he is trying to make you be ashamed of and accountable for his disgusting behaviour, because if he had to face up to the fact that all this is his doing, he would have to face that he is in the wrong. If I were you, I would ignore, ignore, ignore. Silence is golden. If you reply, you are engaging with his stupidity and you don't need to get into an argument with him about this. I repeat again someone else's wise words, he is not the boss of you!

How on earth does he want you to respond?

"My husband and I have split up because of the twins and having been very unhappy for a long, long time since last Saturday. He is absolutely not in a relationship with WF. That will only happen after a decent waiting period and everyone will be most surprised".

Seriously, don't waste your time replying to him. Fuckwit.

HI Ophelia,

Please muster all the strength you have and do not reply to his text, I told you OW would be furious once the friend told her and it will all come out. If you reply it will result in a slanging match.
He is now furious, I will guarantee this will not be the last text message you receive from him today.
The gloves are off!

He is angry, get ready for the backlash.

Please don't engage

Ophelia, look how much stronger your sentence looks without the sad face at the end of it.

H had messaged me asking why I told his friend about the affair. I haven't responded yet.

And look how much stronger it looks now with a wee bit added to it.

H had messaged me asking why I told his friend about the affair. I haven't responded yet and Im not going to either

xx

Glad your meeting went well Ophelia. Oh my god. I am lost for words at the attitude of your H. Why the fuck wouldn't you tell people about their affair. Ha - It's obviously pissed him off. It will have also pissed WF off no end. Do not reply to his text, however tempting it is. I would be texting their friend who works at the office though with snippets of information of how their 'love affair' started.

I agree with PP try to ignore and not respond, I have pages of abusive texts from my ex and I didn't respond to any. I feel much better having taken the higher ground.

I feel sick that his sex was unprotected - he doesn't care about his own health - fine. But potentially bringing disease back to the mother of his children, what a selfish bastard. Not to mention the cruelty of telling you she was so 'hot' he didn't think. Some of these details he's told you seem designed to really hurt you.

Seriously??
Don't respond. Only respond to questions regarding DT's, anything else is none of his business.
I can't believe he is so selfish & insensitive. He has underestimated you. This will be his undoing.

I would not respond to any messages now unless they are made via your brother.

If he questions why you aren't responding then say "Why didn't you tell me you were a dirty lying cheating cunt" Sorry, I am just so angry for you

oh goodness - please don't reply to him. But please do take immense pleasure in knowing how pissed off he must be to send you that message. The brass neck of him. People know what he has done and he has the affrontery to be upset that they know - tough luck matey!

My God, that man is a terrible cunt.

Ignore him.

Carry on telling everyone via text. Its good if it annoys him. Tell them that they didn't use protection and he was still sleeping with you. And she knew that.

If you see him, just lie to his face. Just say, nah, I didn't. Why not?

You won't lie to keep his lie as it doesn't come as naturally to you as it does to him.

I hate this man.

Sorry Op I know you love him but ... he is a major fuck-wit.

Well done, on both getting through the solicitor meeting, albeit tissue assisted, and on rattling his cage.

Bloody well done on exposing his affair to his "work friends". I know you were worried what they would think, seems by his reaction in that text, they all think he is as disgusting as we do!

And again, bloody well done on getting yourself a SHL. Just dont tell him that

Get angry, OP, get real angry!

I'm so glad the secret is out. If it's all so rosy why is he ashamed? Yeah I'd say ignore, ignore, ignore.

Maybe tomorrow you can respond with: Can we keep communication only for purposes of seeing the children and practical issues regarding the divorce. What I say to people is and never was any of your business.

You seem worried about upsetting him, OP - Why is that?

Having the truth out there is rattling him. If you don't reply then it will un-nerve him further. Is your db letting people know your side of the story? I really hope he is.

Agree with not replying but if you felt compelled to (eg if he asked you face to face), you could just say "Because it's the truth." Add a face or even "Why don't you want me to tell the truth?" according to taste.

I'm soooo on your behalf.
Don't reply.
The carefully constructed bubble has burst.
Ow has lost face in front of her friends, and is pissed! Good!!!
He's getting in the neck from her. Hahaha!!!!
The chickens are coming home to roost! As my dad puts it!

Or you could just say:

'Fuck off!'

Don't reply, but if you must say, "oh, sorry, I shouldn't have told her. I've put it on facebook instead".

"Off I go to the STI clinic. Unfortunately, unbeknown to me, H and "his girlfriend" (who he used to charmingly call "wank fodder") have been having unprotected sex in the office.

Ophelia I get the feeling that you think the only emotion you are allowed to feel right now is sadness. Its not. Its ok to be angry, in fact you will feel better for it.

Every hour you don't respond, he will get angrier and angrier.

The next thing you will hear, "He wants to see the kids". this will be to hurt and upset you. Don't let him.