Yes, I'm another one: Husband doesn't love me anymore . . .

[dontknowwhatcomesnext]

I'll keep this short-ish, but really just looking for some support, as I feel all alone. More than a year ago (!) my husband of 13 years told me that he was thinking about leaving, hadn't been happy for a while, all the usual. It was an absolute shocker for me. I knew he was unhappy with his work (he works a high stress, very demanding job and had just taken on a new role), and of course things aren't perfect after 13 years of marriage, but I was absolutely shocked by it. We have two DCs, 12 and 10.

He has been in counselling (at my instigation) for a few months now, and although things are OK and we still have a physical relationship, it was clear that he was not really "in" to me, to say the least. He's better in himself (sleeping better, less anxious, etc.) but our relationship is not better. I finally started to get angry-it has been over a year, after all-and pushed him to talk this weekend. To summarise, and although it was said nicely and with guilt, he doesn't particularly enjoy my company, looked horrified at the thought of going away with just me, etc. He says he likes me as a person, but doesn't know how to get back to what he felt before. He acknowledges that once upon a time, he really loved me a lot, but feels we don't have much in common (he's got a point there), etc. I work part-time and am in good nick, if I do say so myself, though I'm almost 48, so it's all relative.

On the upside, he has agreed to go to counselling, starting in May, but he's not thrilled about it. I kind of dread it too, but at least there's a chance it might help. I said that I don't want to do counselling just to hear that he is leaving, and he said he wouldn't go to counselling if that was the case, he would just leave.

He says there is no OW, but it would of course explain things. There's nothing too fishy and I don't have access to his computer, etc, never have. I don't really have any reason to doubt him, but I'm not 100% sure.

I am really angry sometimes, and if we didn't have children, of course my reaction to all this would have been a lot less passive. We have the opposite situation from many troubled marriages: our DC have no idea and would genuinely be shocked to the core. I'm not sure they'd ever trust anything ever again. We are a nearly perfect family from the outside (hahahaha).

I'm really not sure I could feel any more down, though oddly I'm not really crying much. I'm almost more low than crying, if that makes any sense.

Thanks for listening

Is he still staying away? Or wanting to be back at home "for the children"? If he does come back to the house make sure you don't do things (laundry /meals etc) for him. This is the reality now- don't let him push you into the trap of carrying on as before.

Well isn't it nice that he can trust you 'more than anyone in the world'? You get a cheating, lying arsehole. You must trust him less than anyone you know.

I would have decked him for trying to squeeze my arm, but not just that - for lying for 4 years, for letting you sweat to fix the unfixable, for trying to justify the unjustifiable. I admire your self-restraint.

Hi. So my DH of 20 years has told me he loves me but not in love with me, I no longer make him happy and I'm devastated. We have a great friendship, we are good parents and gave a comfortable life. I just would. Like to know if anyone else has been through this. He thinks he wants to leave when I talk to him about considering working on us because of the above and for our kids who are 2 and 4 he avoids this. Its tough and I am at a loss x

@Gempeatea you need to start a thread of your own, this is 4 years old, people won't reply or will reply to the original poster

Ah okay xx how do i do that x I'm. New to this..

Sorry to hear all this Same happening to me

@Tina35 this is a zombie thread. Start your own and people will help.

One thing I will say having been the bearer of bad tidings with my 1st husband is that it’s never usually easy on the other person either if they genuinely aren’t feeling it anymore in a romantic/sexual way but no other person involved etc(and there wasn’t in my case) . It’s pretty hard when you have to say the reason you are leaving is ‘the relationship’ , not because you have someone else. I could have plodded on I guess but had a H who wanted sex quite naturally(and a fair bit) and I simply didn’t feel that way anymore and I did try and in my case I dithered around for a year, partly because H didn’t want me to leave. Women are told on here that you can leave for any reason, so the same has to apply to men provided fair and sensible arrangements are made regarding any children.

I’ve been with my husband for 6 years and we have 2 kids 4 and 1, we work different hours and don’t spend much time together but the time we do get together he would rather be doing different things. I’ve thought for a while he doesn’t love me, he’s selfish and doesn’t give me any affective which in turn leads me to not bother either. I feel we have reached the end of the road but we never talk. My main concern over anything is my babies, one has just started school. I don’t want to move then somewhere else but I also dont want to be with someone who doesn’t love me. I walk in a room and he walks out. I’m so lonely. I have no fight in me right now and I am just waiting for him to say the words that he wants out. I’m sad but I know I can do this alone I just need it to happen one way or another. I just don’t know what to do. We don’t argue and I think that’s the bad thing. There is nothing there and I hate feeling this low and I know I make him so I happy. Do I just let go and move on but I can be unhappy forever for the sake of my children? I just don’t know! Any advice or friendship appreciated. Thank you. Xx

Coffeecatlover I didn't want to just read and not reply but you need to start your own thread. Your story is so sad, I hope you get some sound advice on here but in the meantime I'm sending you my very best wishes

Thank you 😊

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. My exh did pretty much the same. He'd been having an affair for 3 years! Anyway that's a different story.
My advice as LL0015 mentioned is to definitely get your own personal councillor. It helps enormously & will make you stronger for the divorce.
Try & think positive thoughts about what you want for your future without having to think about anyone but yourself & kids. Mentally plan some fun things to do with the kids, day trips (when we can properly) etc. I found my new independence quite liberating & treated it as a big adventure with the kids.
Things will get better, believe in yourself, you are not at fault here.
Good luck with everything

6 year old ZOMBIE THREAD.