Bet your hair looks fab! A good cut makes such a big difference :-)
The sound of this OW makes my skin crawl. Flirting excessively is completely inappropriate with married people. It seems like she craves male attention. It's almost like she has enjoyed putting herself in the prime position as some kind of prize for the men to fight over. Even flirting with your brother fgs. Do any other women hang out in this group from work? I would feel sorry for somebody so lacking in self worth that they seek it in this way. And I feel rather annoyed at the men who suck it up, when I feel to women it would be so obvious!
I also think a lot of the office will know what they are upto...my ex cheated on me with a girl from work for months, he thought he had got away with it and that nobody knew ...I got a text from one of his colleagues telling me about it.
I had no clue of this affair. I hadn't noticed him spending any more time away, other than working late. I was there comforting him and getting angry at the company for making him work so hard! Well I later found out that he would visit her in her home before work, he had to work away and stay in hotels at times and they would sneak away during the day. So if somebody wants an affair they will always find time.
And at the time I was like you..I couldn't see that there were problems in the relationship. In hindsight I do see there were a lot of problems with how he treated me, and things have worked out for the best that we split as a result of his affair, and there were so many signs that he was having an affair that I chose to overlook e.g. He would stay up late after I had gone to bed when he would be messaging her but would tell me he wanted to watch something on tv or that he wasn't tired. He would take his phone into the bathroom and have long baths...'unwinding after a hard days work' he became very secretive with his phone and he would be on it all the time.
And somebody who is doing this, even when they are physically with you...emotionally they aren't. I think back to how we would go out for meals...I would feel happy that we'd gone out, but the conversation was stilted and he would be on his phone. Or when we went on holiday but he wouldn't let me put any pictures on Facebook, later realised he wouldn't want OW to see as he had fed her a tale of how awful our relationship was....yes because he wasn't putting any effort in! He also spend parts of the holiday on his phone...checking work emails apparently...yeah right!
He swore to me for months after that he was sorry, and that she was not a patch on me....over a year later they are now engaged and living together!
I am sorry that your H has been so distant, unapologetic and callous, but you need to use that and keep that as a way of not letting him back in. How can he be so cruel?! You must treat him with equal disdain and disregard.
Of course your mind will be racing with what he has done and so on and I had that..I needed that. But there comes a time when you realise it is pointless. What's done is done and you have to put it behind you.
Definitely block on Facebook. This helped me a lot. I completely cut contact after a week of sending hatefilled angry messages..I struggled to contain my emotions. And I felt temporarily better. But after that...nothing. I also told all of my family. I actually made an announcement on Facebook of exactly what he did to me, and I don't want to put myself too much but made sure his whole workplace knew, and he was very angry about these, because he liked to portray a very good, positive, polite, wholesome image of himself. People were so supportive to me and they will be to you too. Don't keep it to yourself. You need to grieve, cry, get angry, talk it out with anybody and everybody.
You are doing great. Let him having his night in the pub...big deal. He is missing out on so much more. If he is happy to throw away your little family over some flirt then more fool him. You are worth so much more. You have your twins and yourself to think about.