I've been a long time lurker here. I love the site but I've never thought about posting anything before. And I certainly never thought I'd ever post a question about sex but here goes!
My husband and I have been together for nearly five years. We've always had what I thought of as a good sex life.
About a year ago, the subject of penis size came up in a conversation quite randomly. I can't even remember what started the conversation. I think it was something we saw on a TV show. Anyway, my husband asked me if I thought size mattered. Again, I can't really remember exactly what I answered but I think it was something like not really. I've come to realise whatever it was I said, it wasn't very convincing.
Three or four nights later in bed, completely out of the blue, he asked me how he compared to my previous partners. I've had 5, he's had a couple, and we'd always been very honest and open about our previous relationships. But we'd never really ever talked about the sexual aspect. Again, I said something non-committal like oh, you're all pretty much the same but I could see instantly that this wasn't going to wash. He was really quite insistent in a jovial sort of way and said something like come on, be honest. In the end - and I blame this on being a little tipsy, as we'd been out to dinner that night and he'd driven - I told him that he was a little smaller. He wouldn't leave it there though and finally I did tell him he was smaller that some of them. By this time, this was all getting a little steamy. He was obviously really turned on and I was too to be honest. When he asked me then really, am I bigger than some of them, I just said no, you're not, your the smallest I've had.
Now I have thought about this a lot and I still don't know why I told him that. I've come to understand in a way why he found it such a turn-on but I still don't understand why I found saying that to him so horny. Anyway, that was the end of the discussion because he fell on me and we had several hours of madly energetic sex!
After that night, questions about size or references to size just became more and more a part of our sex life. It's now got to a point that if I want to turn him on anywhere, anytime, I can whisper something like I bet he has a bigger one that you to him and I know that we'll be out of the supermarket and on the way home within minutes! I very rarely refer to his penis without "little" or "tiny" in front of the word now and it always has the desired effect.
As I've said, I've come to understand a little about why it turns him on. I've read about small penis humiliation on the web and I can see that it's not that unusual. I still don't really understands why it turns me on so though. It's not just that it turns him on so much!
I have been quite careful though. I have embellished, or probably more honestly, censored a lot of what I have told him about my previous partners. He is actually by far the smallest man I have been with and at least three of my previous partners were much bigger than him. I've always just said he was the smallest without going into further detail, even when he has pressed me for more information. I can usually divert him by saying something else explicit about his size and off he goes!
My problem is - and I apologise for the rambling preamble but I think what I am about to say wouldn't make sense if you didn't know all this - that he has started asking me if size matters to me. I have always said no, it doesn't and, when he starts to ask why or press my to justify, I just say if it did, would I still be with you after 5 years? But he clearly isn't satisfied and I'm pretty sure a lot of that is that I'm just not as good an actress as I think I am. There have been another couple of tipsy occasions where I have come very close to saying yes it does, but I've managed to hold out.
He's not going to stop asking me and I am really afraid that if I tell him what I really think, it's going to change this sexy game into something quite different. I love him very much and I don't want to hurt him but I also feel bad lying to him - even if it is a white lie.
I'd be really interested to know if any of you have ever encountered anything like this yourself. And I'll happily listen to any advice on whether I should keep my big fat mouth shut!
Thanks for listening!