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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just found ladies pants in my laundry basket

113 replies

brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 09:05

Just took washing out of machine and there is a pair of ladies plain black M&S cotton pants! At the moment I am stunned, shocked and feel numb. I am trying hard not to cry but I don't know what is going on. I took the DC away on fri night and DH was also out and stayed in london with a couple of work colleagues. Am I right in thinking 2 + 2 = 4? What would you think, help, I am going crazy and don't know how to tackle this.

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 02/11/2006 09:06

Have you any female rellies who have stayed recently?

Pixiefish · 02/11/2006 09:08

Or where did you stay and is there any chance someone else's undies got mixed in with yours (ie were you staying at a friend's house and could the kids mayb have put their undies in with your washing?

FrannyonFire · 02/11/2006 09:09

Hmm. Oh dear.

Could someone else's clothes got muddled up with yours when you stayed away with dcs? For instance if you were staying in someone else's house, and maybe when you packed up your dirty clothes, some of their pants got in your bag along with them?

FrannyonFire · 02/11/2006 09:10

Slow typing here. It doesn't sound like your dh did anything terribly exiciting if they were plain black cotton M+S pants, anyway.

Fauve · 02/11/2006 09:12

We stayed at my sister's once, and a pair of black knickers turned up in our washing some time later. They were my niece's - we had swept them into our bag with our kids' stuff.

I hope that's what's happened here, too.

Bugsy2 · 02/11/2006 09:14

A pair of white M&S pants pitched up at my house - wrong size for me. I don't have a DH/DP - so I have no idea how they came to be in my house!
Don't panic at this stage. Could be one of those weird things like odd socks going missing.
Have you any other reason to suspect your DH may have been playing away?

QuootiePieBANGERSandMash · 02/11/2006 09:14

I sometimes get my mums undies surfacing... just accidently taken in a load of clothes from mums etc.

Bozza · 02/11/2006 09:14

brokenhearted I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. Sometimes underwear can get mixed up. A pair of knickers has appeared in DD's drawer and I have no idea who's they are other than they are definitely not hers. Probably from nursery in this instance.

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 09:18

I wouldn't panic because (a) they don't sound very sexy (those threads which start 'I found a lace thong in DP's pocket!' are more suspicious) and (b) they were in teh LAUNDRY. I would have thought that if your DP had done something bad, he would have gone to great lengths to hide the evidence, and not just pop his filthy sin-knickers in with the family ironing.

I always seem to have a few pairs of MIL's knickers kicking around the house ... I think it is marking territory or something. Perhaps an innocent explanation?

Original poster

brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 09:20

DC and I stayed in a hotel (just one night) so I don't see how we could have collected from there. DH was also at a hotel overnight. Travelling so lightly (for just one night) makes me think it would be incredibly difficult to pick up EXTRA clothing by mistake. No relatives, friend etc have stayed and the washing basket is practically emptied every couple of days. I don't know if I have reason to suspect him. We have problems and don't get on too much and have not had sex for a few months, however, on Sunday morning (the day after we were both home again), he said he was unable to have sex (can't get it up) due to pain killers he is currently on combined with a blood thinning tablet, recently had clots and has a lot of pain. I am just stumped and don't know how to proceed.

OP posts:

Original poster

brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 09:22

DH does have a couple of pairs of black pants himself so is there is anything going on he would not have noticed picking up the wrong ones anyway.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 09:23

maybe he is a cross-dresser.

bubblerock · 02/11/2006 09:29

We had a black thong turn up in our washing - our dog at the time had taken it from next doors washing

Original poster

brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 09:32

This is serious FFS, he is not a cross dresser and I am sitting here breaking my heart

OP posts:

Carmenere · 02/11/2006 09:34

Brokenhearted, I think that you have reason to worry because from your posts, I think that your instinct is telling you that there is a problem. So in that case you will probably have to have it out with him

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 09:34

and i wasn't serious?

get a grip!

it's entirely possible there's some logical explanation for this and that is indeed one of them.

expatinscotland · 02/11/2006 09:35

especially if he's on medication that seems to affect his ability to achieve and maintain erection.

Carmenere · 02/11/2006 09:37

In fairness expat it is much more likely that he is shagging around.

misdee · 02/11/2006 09:37

you will only find out by confronting him

i once found a pair of knickers in my laundry basket that i thought werent werent mine, they were 3 sizes smaller and quite sexy.

then i relaised they were mine from pre-kids, they have been ina drawer for years as i reminder of what i was like pre-kids. they must have fallen on the floor and been put in the laundry basket after i got soemthing else out.

misdee · 02/11/2006 09:38

oh yes, dh had this blood problems with blood thnners as well. not any more though

Bugsy2 · 02/11/2006 09:41

BH, it sounds as though you are very suspicious. I have to say M&S black cotton pants don't really sound the stuff of hot passion. Why don't you ask him a bit more about his night out - if he gets very defensive then he is probably covering something up.
The blood thiners could well be making it hard for him to sustain an erection - has this problem happened before?

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 09:41

misdee: lol at your old knickers

brokenhearted: you either need to have a good detective session through his things or confront him

TinyGang · 02/11/2006 09:43

Could one of the friends have done that as a (very unfunny) joke? Men can do some very childish things when they get together sometimes. I'm sure there was another thread ages ago where someones dh had had a stupid 'joke' played on him like that.

As others have said, they may also have got swept up in his stuff from where he was staying. That's quite feasible.

Try not to think the worst until you have more facts, although I understand why you feel upset. You need a chat with him.

misdee · 02/11/2006 09:44

oh yes, dh friends once planted a pair of black lacy knickers in dh car. but they forgot to take the tags off [rolls eyes]

Blu · 02/11/2006 09:48

OK, so Misdee's experience would seem to bear out that blood-thinners can cause erection problems - how long has he been on these? It seems unlikely that a man would risk his pride in an affair if he is having erection problems.

However, I do think that since you have doubts about your relationship, it would be best to simply ask him where they came from, and see how you feel about his response.

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