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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found ladies pants in my laundry basket

113 replies

brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 09:05

Just took washing out of machine and there is a pair of ladies plain black M&S cotton pants! At the moment I am stunned, shocked and feel numb. I am trying hard not to cry but I don't know what is going on. I took the DC away on fri night and DH was also out and stayed in london with a couple of work colleagues. Am I right in thinking 2 + 2 = 4? What would you think, help, I am going crazy and don't know how to tackle this.

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 11:02

I cant get hold of the mother I need to speak to. They are a size 18 but not SO big as they are stretchy and the last sleepover friend who came does have a LARGER mother so I guess feasible she could have just grabbed them by mistake. And now, looking at the other items that came out of the washing machine, all of it came from DD's room at the weekend.

OP posts:
Leandevil · 02/11/2006 11:02

How old is your dd and what size are the pants, do they match?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 02/11/2006 11:03

I would make a point of asking everyone of the household at the same time
eg around dinner table

and ask where they have come from

watch for a reaction

bizzi · 02/11/2006 11:05

d-scousewife, that would involve the children, is that fair?

desperateSCOUSEwife · 02/11/2006 11:07

yes bizzi coz then
you are just jolting memories of everyone

it could be all an innocent mistake

Steppy1 · 02/11/2006 11:08

agree with desperatescousewife...would drop a "guess what happened when I was doing the laundry...a mysterious pair of pants turned up, can't figure out where they come from" etc etc...but try to make light of it and then gauge the reaction... I would then go with your instincts, they're usually right which can sometimes be unfortunate... lol to you.....

ludaloudbang · 02/11/2006 11:09

Ask your dd if they could be hers/her friends...if not then ask dh..If he is innocent then he won't be upset surely! If he found mens underpants he didn't recognise would he not ask you??

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 11:10

There isn't much point ASKING the other mum because EVERYONE owns a pair of M&S pants and I would have NO IDEA if I was missing a pair - neither will she

Ask your dd - "I found these HUGE pants under your bed, are they YOURS?" Maybe she'll remember.

lou33 · 02/11/2006 11:10

i have no m&s pants

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 11:11

I HONESTLY would not think TWICE if I found mysterious pants in the laundry

I am ALWAYS finding odd things in the laundry

ludaloudbang · 02/11/2006 11:22

there you go you see it is more likely to be your dd's friends mum...
If your dh went out as a one off and had a one night stand then the woman he was with would surely have noticed she forgot to put her knickers on...and she wouldn't have bought an overnight bag with a spare pair would she? (well I presume not...unless she is a particularly clean serial one night stander!!) and therefore she would not of left her knickers behind!!!!!

(confused????)

TheDaVinciCod · 02/11/2006 11:23

he is having an affair fgs

Mumpbump · 02/11/2006 11:35

I'm sorry, but if you were planning on staying in a hotel for a night where you could easily get away with having a fling with absolutely no risk of your other half finding out, why would you decide to can it and have a fling in your marital home where it would be much harder to cover your tracks? I am inclined to think dd's friend's mother is a more likely explanation.

Original poster
brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 11:36

ludaloudbang I totally understand what you are saying. No, I don't own M & S knickers either, these are from a five part set BTW (pack of five). I wish I could sit at the dinner table and make light of it but I am way too sensitive and would not be able to pull it off. God, I just wish I had found them BEFORE they went in the wash, I would know then from whose room they came from. Correction, I wish I had NEVER found them. I know what will happen, my DH will just laugh about my theory about it being him and call me mad, etc and then tell me himself they are from DD sleepover. IF he was lying, I doubt I would recognise it, he is brilliantly clever, manipulative etc etc

OP posts:
bundle · 02/11/2006 11:36

do you ever have a service wash? when our washing machine broke our stuff comes back all lovely & folded and sometimes with extra pices

Original poster
brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 11:37

Mumpbump, DH was defo at a hotel for the night in question.

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 11:38

No, no service washes.

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenhearted · 02/11/2006 11:39

would an 11yr old really borrow her mums pants size 18?, she is not a big girl.

OP posts:
ludaloudbang · 02/11/2006 11:39

I'd worry too I suspect...I'd definately ask dd first though.

NAB3 · 02/11/2006 11:39

Just becasue they are plain black knickers doesn't mean nothing untoward has happened. It could have been unplanned on both peoples part so she didn't put her sexy pants on.

Is he saying he can't have sex, because he doesn't want to?

You have to ask him whose they are, in a casual calm manner, and then see how he reacts. If he starts saying you are paranoid you are probably right if you thinking he is up to no good.

I really hope everything turns out fine.

Blu · 02/11/2006 11:40

Are the pants in question ...worn? If not, the friend could easily have packed them by mistake, and neither your dd nor friend mi8ght have noticed...but it would be a good idea to ask your dd.
If they are not worn, then the chances of it being an affair are zilch, imo.

And the whole thing of them being mixed up in the stuff from dd's room gives a clear first explanation.

He has not changed his behaviour towards you, except for not feeling like sex when he was in pain and on blood thinners.

I found a pair of mens pants in our kitchen the other day.

They had fallen down from behind the radiator where they must have been since before we moved in nearly 4 years ago. Thankfully my DP was not brandishing them under my nose accusing me of philandering!

fairyfly · 02/11/2006 11:41

i think you both have worries and problems with or without the knickers, They dont seem as relevant anymore, you think he is manipulative and will mock you. I would address that.

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 11:41

"If he starts saying you are paranoid you are probably right if you thinking he is up to no good."

erm

or you might be paranoid

ludaloudbang · 02/11/2006 11:42

does dh go away often? or was this just a one off?
I just don't think there would be knickers from a one night stand.
if he was having an on going affair...then its possible...

morningpaper · 02/11/2006 11:43

Blu

I found my mother's knickers in the wash recently

I threw them at DH and said "You bastard - have you been sleeping with my mother?"

How we laughed