DRY 7!!!

[mollyonthemove]

The new thread for the alcohol free and the wanna be free . come and join us

Can I join in please? I've namechanged for this thread. Not sure if that's the done thing, but if anonymity is good enough for AA, it's good enough for me!

I've been drinking at least a bottle of wine a night for as long as I can remember, except when pg and breastfeeding. Over the last few months, that bottle has crept up towards the 2 bottles a night. 21 days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt awful, both emotionally and physically. So, I decided to quit.

It was a bit weird as I was expecting some physical side effects, but other than the odd dizzy spell around Wine O'clock in the first couple of days, I've had none. In fact, I feel fantastic. I'm a bit worried that, so far, I'm finding it a bit too easy. Is that normal or I am just suppressing everything?!!

I am not going to drink today. I can do this. But it is so hard!

Morning all :)

Sober - welcome to the thread and well done for your 21 days; I'm not surprised you're feeling fantastic! Don't worry too much about whether or not you're finding it too easy... for me I'd say the hardest thing was actually reaching the point where I had the revelation that stopping altogether might be the answer. And that bit is hard because it's elusive; you can't force the epiphany I think.

The thing I'm realising is that life goes on, sometimes it's shit and sometimes it's amazing. Much like that, sobriety is never easy or always hard. I think it's good to always be a bit on guard, although had someone said that to me before starting I would have thought that meant being miserably obsessed with not drinking. It isn't like that - for me my not drinking is a sort of mascot and part of a more authentic life that now feels possible.

It's amazing that you've got to this stage. Have you been using anything for support eg. blogs/forums/etc?

Guineapig - I don't think that would work for me, well in fact I know it wouldn't because I've tried variations of those things, and for me 3 drinks is just about the point at which my 'fuck it' button kicks in and I wouldn't care less about moderating after my three drinks (which would at the least be three large glasses of wine; ie. a bottle; ie. what would amount to 70 units a week if drunk daily). If that's what works for you then go for it although this is a thread about trying to abstain completely... The blog that Corn linked to seems apposite though - as Tommy Rosen says, the great misconception about us abstainers is that we wish we could drink moderately. Three drinks (ie. a bottle of wine) would still leave me feeling tired and 'less than' the next day, and still knowing that I'm needing a drug to blot out the harsh edges of life. I like the fact that I don't... "living life on life's terms"...

MistressofPemb - sorry x-posted. You CAN do this; just think how much better you'll feel when you wake up tomorrow. What have you planned for today?

Morning!

The three drink thing - lordie I've tried that and variations of that plenty of times but my hand hovers over that fuck it button most of the time and even if I could sustain a few episodes of three drinks, eventually I would hit the button and not give a stuff about the consequences. Also, one definition of an alcoholic is that the craving only actually kicks in after you've have a drink, before then it's considered an urge. The craving is MUCH stronger than an urge - why put myself through that? I don't even particularly enjoy the first couple of drinks because I drink to get drunk, not feel a bit sleepy. Once I've had one drink I'm single mindedly thinking about the next so I wouldn't enjoy anything I was doing and would be concentrating on how to fend off the craving (or not). Safer all round for me to not have that first drink. One is too many and ten isn't enough, so they say.

I may not go to AA any more but I certainly learned an awful lot from it for which I am eternally grateful. Urges, cravings, alcohol allergy, failed attempts at moderation (and how common this is to try), consequences etc etc. Not so much on how to prevent urges (boiled sweets?!!).

Those of you that have yet to stop - do you think you could make the decision? What is it that it preventing you from doing so? I can honestly say that my sober life, and I am well aware that it is only two weeks since my relapse but I do have a lot of sober time behind me too, is much MUCH more rewarding.

Yesterday I went to my local buddhist centre - somewhere I've been a few times before for an extended guided mediation session. Now I wouldn't have done that whilst drinking and the peace of mind is just blissful. I didn't even shout at any other drivers on the way home Oh, and no-one expects you to sign up to full on buddhism.

sober welcome and congrats on 21 days! :)
mistress I dare you to not drink today
tsonlyme I went to the local Buddhist centre for guided meditation classes a while back and totally agree. Use the headspace app now so I don't get to yell at any drivers as I can do it at home

Buggeration! I am certainly not no more hangovers today. An afternoon and evening drinking beer= a restless night making good friends with the toilet. Today I am really down, fed up and feel hopeless. Yet again I say to hubby I need to stop, he thinks I just need to be sensible. Arghhhhh that's the point, after a drink I can't be sensible! I seem to have promised to put on a barn dance on face book (good excuse to drink) and made their emotional decision to sell my beloved young horse (that is the right thing but wrong state to be in to make the decision!) So I have to start again. I've been trying to stop now for2 years and dont think I'll ever do it. I'll try again but to be honest I'm overwhelmed with feelings of sadness and failure. I just hope one of these times I will make it. day 1 again

Morning everyone!

Sorry you are feeling like that nomore. You will get there though. Just remember that you nomorehangovers, and fake it 'til you make it! I know, it's no help at all, but hopefully someone will have good advice for you.

This is day 4 for me and DP, and I am still finding it really hard. The worst thing was yesterday. I was feeling fine, until DP got really narky with DS1(11) for no particular reason. DS1 brought a toy into the living room, and DS2(3) immediately started howling because he wanted it. I said no, because I think DS1 is entitled to play without having to share everything, but DP got really narked and told him to either share it or take it into his room. I don't think that is fair, but DP says DS1 is old enough to realise when something is causing an upset. DS1 is my son from a previous marriage, and he and DP have always had quite a difficult relationship. I worry that he will be hard on him, but let DS2 (who is his son) away with anything. I had hoped it would improve without booze, but after that yesterday I felt so down, and I feel guilty because I want DS1 to be happy too. I know DS1 can be difficult but he is a lovely boy, and I know that DP tries his best but can be quite intolerant. I love them both, and I just want a happy family.

Sorry for the huge moan. At least I'm not suffering with the usual Sunday hangover I suppose.

morning all
bambam that sounds a difficult situation - but big well done for not drinking.
nomore you CAN do this. one day at a time.

right, I am on day 2 and feeling more positive
not really sure why I started again last Tuesday...it was sunny, we had a BBQ, I was off work...and my head told me that I needed to have a drink to have fun, and that I would be fine if I drank beer and not wine (lol!) ...which of course then led to more beer...which led to wine...which then led to the "oh well" attitude and so followed another 3 nights of drinking...

It has at least reminded me that I CAN'T DRINK anything at all, no matter what I try and tell myself it will always only end one way (ie with drinking way too much!)
so I am fully re-committed. I am going to work on changing other things in my life that I used to blot out with drink. I am also going to find better ways of relaxing and enjoying myself!

I am going to do a bit more reading of blogs and stuff...

and I also have the headspace app which I had forgotten about so will start that again.

Hope you all have good Sundays.

nomore copy and paste what you've just written somewhere where you can access it quickly. Next time you think a drink would be a good idea - read it to remind yourself how you felt now. Playing the drinking tape forward is a good trick and this taps into that idea and you can read my blog post about it here
bambam Well done on day 4!! That's a huge achievement :) I was very scratchy when I stopped and so was DH so everyone got it in the neck initially. Plus when I used to quit smoking I would sometimes act harshly almost trying to provoke a row and therefore justifying storming off to buy fags. Addiction can be very sneaky so being aware that sometimes we are short-tempered and are looking for a reason to pick up is enough to stop it happening.

X-post Bobbly Happy to hear you are re-committing to not drinking and I love the Headspace app. It really helps me :) Happy Sunday to you too!

Hi bobbly and lucy. I am pleased that neither DP nor I ended up drinking last night, but I was soooooo tempted! You are right lucy, that we are probably short-tempered because we are so soon into stopping, and it can easily tip into just necking some booze. We will just have to be kind to each other, and hopefully once booze is well out of our lives then things will be better between DS1 and DP too. Here's hoping.

bobbly I am currently reading Glass Half Full by Lucy Rocca, and finding a lot of it really resonates with me. I hope that eventually I will be able to feel that sort of clarity around why I drink, and truly feel secure that I won't drink again.

I had an awful dream last night that my dad (who died 15 yrs ago through alcohol) was piling dead bodies on top of me, and anyone who tried to help me was getting shot. It was truly horrible. Hopefully just my poor brain playing tricks now that it's not all foggy with vodka, but still horrible.

Oh BamBam When used to managing all emotions with booze - any emotion can prompt the excuse to drink! I promise you that minus booze things improved immeasurably for us in terms of how we got on and how we parented :) What an awful nightmare Drinking dreams are pretty common but sounds like your psyche is trying to unpick something

Thank you Lucy It definitely felt like it was trying to tell me something IYSWIM.

I am trying to think back to how calm and together we felt after Dry Jan, and I definitely think we were better as a family. I absolutely relate to Lucy Rocca when she talks about her guilt as a mother to her older daughter. I feel like I have dragged DS1 along with me but not always put him first, and DP hasn't always been the father figure that I know he wants to be. I need to ensure that we have a better future as a family.

TeapotDictator - didn't reliae this thread was for abstainers only. Lurking around i notices there were people
Still drinking a bitnetc so I think I will stay on here for a some inspiration if nothing else

Good for you bobbly. I think that's the trick. Alcohol is our default setting to relax, have fun, celebrate, commiserate. We need find other ways to replace those moments when we would have automatically reached for the booze.

Ugh, that's difficult bambam. Hope you both have a better day today.

Goodness I'd tried to stop for many years on and off nomorehangovers. Don't let it put you off, one of these times it will click. Sorry to hear about having to sell your horse, that must be extremely hard to do.

Welcome sober, fantastic 21 days! Strange isn't that that we worry when we find it too easy, I certainly did this time. The harder bits are for me now, like 5 months on, when the initial buzz has worn off and the voice inside my head says one or two can't hurt, you can moderate it now. Luckily I know that's a load of rubbish through previous experience. Enjoy the easy times, don't worry about it too much and keep a bit of a guard up that's all.

You are not going to drink today mistress .

Off to download this headspace app now since it seems to come recommended by you lot.

thanks all for the encouragement!
I am really tired today so trying to take it easy.
I have just been and bought some nice new bedding for our room so I have a nice calm space to retreat to with my book later (also bought some maltesers hot chocoalte, looking forward to a nice early night!)

thanks for book recommendation bambam I have just downloaded it onto my kindle.

Thank you so much for your support. It's been a lot harder than I'd hoped today. Sunday is a drinking day! I spend a lot of time on my own with my two DC at the weekends and I find drinking relieves the tedium/exhaustion. Had a real wobble just now but came online and am now full of resolve. Cooking a big late lunch and we have chocolate fudge cake and icecream for pudding! Harry Potter DVDs later with DS. The thought of work tomorrow without the churny stomach, the flushed face, the palpitations and dread etc is keeping me strong. Well, that and fudge cake.

Thank you. I will check back in later and read through properly.

Hi everyone. Lots to read and catch up on. Guinea we are all trying to abstain, but don't go, please. :)

I had a great party. But I also had two glasses of cava. i worked my arse off all day shopping and cooking, and then DS had a mega tantrum including hitting me and punching me (his latest thing when he gets upset). So i was feeling fractured, and tired, and then a friend of DH's (who is childless and has always been insensitive and crass) made a loud and pointed comment about my inadequate parenting. Jaws dropped all around. And a good friend put a glass of cava into my hand and whispered it would help, and I also hit the 'fuckit' button.

And so, there it is. No excuses.

I'm okay today. Today I woke up and told DH that he had to e-mail his friend or call him and tell him he was bang out of order. Because I am not going to be a fucking doormat for ignorant asses.

And back to Day 1. :) Never mind. Sobriety is such a wonderful thing. I am committed to that.

Corn on your behalf at DH's friend! Gah - why do people think that booze will help a difficult situation? Putting it in your hand makes it so hard to then resist. Glad you see it as a blip :)

I love reading everybody's posts! Everyone so different.

I'm currently the same but not worse.

Gulp! I've just finished watching Rain in my heart. i'm ill (flu) and it seemed a good time to watch some youtube.

It's a difficult watch but one which I'm grateful for. it brought back a few bad memories- being very ill and a tiny part of me actually wanting to drink more. Thankfully those days are behind me.

I wonder why it's such a taboo to watch an alcoholic drink? It's a shocking thing to see because we are sold the 'beautiful model sipping a cold glass of wine' ideal.

I saw great compassion in the film too from the dr and family members. There was compassion for the alcoholic too,Nigel was clearly a good kind man,when he stayed off the booze.It was all a bit late by the time they reached the hospital really.

I didn't like the way that the documentary maker kept asking Vanda about the abuse she had suffered- not appropriate at all.

Certainly don't feel like a drink now!

Phew nearly made it through the day. No desire to drink but hell Ive felt ill and trying not to show it as I know I won't get any sympathy. I am lucky my family love me! I will keep trying in the hope that this may be the time. My 16 year old daughter doesn't want to try alcohol as she doesn't like the taste. My friend keeps telling me to get her alcopops as she'll like that. No way, the longer she keeps off the stuff the better. My mum has never drunk ( doesn't like the taste) and was always the life and soul. I wish I'd never persevered and learnt to like it! Madness

Hello. I'm peering in after a long time of lurking and embarrassed to be here so slinking in quietly.

Day 1. Haven't done more than five days since 2012. Have been on holiday this week and drunk a ridiculous amount. Don't even particularly get hangovers any more - even if I've downed 10 cans of lager.

It's made me overweight and do oh so many things I'm ashamed of.

The stupid thing is I know just how much better I feel when I don't drink. I sleep better, I'm more productive, my mood is great. I LIKE myself a lot better when I'm not drinking.

But I do it. More and more. I lie to myself about it and lie to everyone else too.

Any tips for starting out?.