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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 7!!!

999 replies

mollyonthemove · 03/04/2015 20:10

The new thread for the alcohol free and the wanna be free Grin. come and join us Brew

OP posts:
Lucy2610 · 26/05/2015 15:11

Corn you took the words right out of my mouth - literally! Bad I agree that some therapy would help a great deal to untangle these issues for you and Urgh to the psychologist (and your GP Corn!) Shock FFS booze isn't the only tool in the arsenal of a psychologist and a Dr - there are drugs they can actually prescribe!! Confused

Lucy2610 · 26/05/2015 15:15

Doh always helps if you read to the end of the thread before commenting! Bad Are you taking medication to manage the spasm? If you can't eat without drinking booze first then that leaves you at an empasse Hmm

tsonlyme · 26/05/2015 16:25

Speaking of daft (ignorant) advice - I work in a health care setting and once read on someone's notes a GP telling the patient, who had just disclosed an alcohol problem, that she should buy herself a bottle stopper and to put the bottle back in the fridge after a couple of glasses. That was the sum total of the advice given LOL!

tsonlyme · 26/05/2015 16:29

Today's task is to write a list on my phone of all the reasons why having a drink would be a really bad idea. I think I need a comprehensive list in one place because although I know what the reasons are I can quite easily disregard them once the urge hits, even if I have to defer the urge by an entire week because of the tablets.

Lucy2610 · 26/05/2015 17:05

tsonlyme you could copy and paste what you wrote on here when you last relapsed? As for that GP's advice - words fail me Shock

nomorehangovers · 26/05/2015 20:10

I do think if you haven't had a problem you don't see why people can't control it. How many times do you hear, well just stop after one. Yeah right!
Tonight I got home to a lovely meal and wine chilling. So I ran(more of a shuffling hobble) muttering i will not let drink beat me. Half a sweaty hour later I enjoyed my meal with DH and was happy with ribena! Alcohol is all around me and will continue to be (socially and at work dos) so I need to find coping strategies. I read somewhere a lot of problem drinkers start running when they stop so thought I would try it. TBH I'll try anything and tonight I feel great! X

Lucy2610 · 26/05/2015 20:29

Good stuff nomore :) Yep I'm a runner who was converted before I stopped but have really got into since quitting. There are A LOT of us out here!

BadWool · 26/05/2015 21:35

Yes, I know. A lot of it must be psychological. But yes, I am at an impasse.

Lucy2610 · 26/05/2015 22:04

Sorry BadWool didn't mean to be captain bloody obvious! Blush Does your GP know the full extent of this issue for you? It's second opinion time I would say as there must be a way to resolve this for you. Specialist input time required for such a complex history and ongoing presenting symptoms.
How have you done today with your drinking? Good I hope :)

BadWool · 27/05/2015 09:44

Lucy - the problem with eating went on for years before the psychologist suggested a 'tot' of brandy; probably about five years. I had every test under the sun, nothing helped. At one stage I had a feeding tube directly into my intestines but it was very hard for me to manage. I used to live a lot of the time off those build up drinks. In the end it was decided that it was entirely psychological, which seemed to be backed up by the fact that when I drank brandy I could eat and then when I was pregnant I could eat without drinking brandy. This continued for the year after dd was born and I was breastfeeding then it slowly began to be problematic again and I started drinking again although never to the extent of a bottle of brandy a day thank goodness.

Since I've made the decision to try to stop I haven't drunk more than a bottle in a day (maybe one day I went slightly over). But I have only had one day where I drank just half a bottle which is what I wanted to get to before stopping completely. I've done a lot of reseach into stopping and I really don't want to go through any horrific withdrawal process - I'm expecting headaches and depression, like when giving up smoking. And I know the psychological addiction will far outlast the physical.

In terms of what I'll do about eating, I'm not thinking about it and will have to deal with each stage as it comes ...

Lucy2610 · 27/05/2015 10:16

Thanks BadWool for explaining further and I don't mean to pry. It's the nurse in my trying to understand. 'when I was pregnant I could eat without drinking brandy' OK so, as you say, it is predominantly psychological. You've successfully gone from two bottles to one and again well done for that! The next question becomes how do we get you from one to half a bottle daily? :)

BadWool · 27/05/2015 10:57

No problems. My brother's a nurse so I'm used to it! It's reassuring and questions help one to think things through.

Yes, that is the question! I'm starting to drink later and later in the day which is good. I'm also drinking WAY less in the evening, at most a very small (I bought very small wine glasses) glass of cava and lots of slimline tonic and sparkling water (that's all I can face if it's not cava). I've slept SO much better, don't want to jinx it but since I cut down on the evening drinking and have been drinking lots of non-alc liquid, I've gone to bed and slept all night. Previously it was absolutely awful - awake 3am until around 6am, then the alarm, on a weekday, goes off at 6.30. Sometimes I wouldn't have gone back to sleep at all from 3am. Last night I slept from 11.30 - 7.30, that is ground-breaking for me.

A lot of what I have to do is habit-breaking.

The bad time at the moment seems to be around 2pm. I start to get some withdrawals (well, the start around midday but I can put them off) - sweaty, shaky, disorientated and palpitations. So I have a drink, just a swig - I don't pour a glass. But that leads to more swigs and in the end it might have been better to pour a glass so that I can see how much I'm having. My mood drops around 4pm and I feel so tired, my mind can't stretch to anything. If I'm at home I go to bed for a while but if I'm out at work I can't and that's pretty hard.

The other trigger time is whilst cooking. I LOVE cooking possibly because I could eat so little for so long. I find it totally relaxing and I am so happy when I see dd and dh eat what I've made, it's better than eating it myself. I would not be able to eat any of it if I didn't have a glass of cava. At the moment I'm leaving that in the kitchen, out of sight, and trying to stick to drinking tonic and water and just going back for a sip of wine when I feel my stomach clench.

I must sound like such a weirdo!

BadWool · 27/05/2015 11:03

When I say 'my mood drops' it is WAY worse than that. At its most terrible I have felt suicidal; I dwell on things with dh and feel completely alienated from him (I ADORE him naturally, I am completely in love with him - he has taken dd and I out of a very difficult single mum / daughter life with no money living in a bad area and changed our lives. Plus he's funny and loving and really appreciates me). He finds this very painful and he doesn't know why it's happening. He's not a complex character - I'm from an academic / arts background; he is maths and science. I can't lose him.

Dd worries. Many times she's asked me if it's 'normal' to drink wine first thing in the morning. God, the guilt. I'm sure you've heard it a lot in your job, Lucy. But the absolute shame at times of how I've behaved cuts me to the ground. And the way kids believe you and trust you anyway ... to take advantage of that ...

There has to be a way out.

Faez · 27/05/2015 11:42

Have fallen off and in a state. Just wanted to put it out there as very guilty and hating myself

Lucy2610 · 27/05/2015 12:54

BadWool there is a way out, of that I'm sure. It just may not be easy. You're not a weirdo - you've had a traumatizing childhood and then as an adult you experienced a traumatizing event that I suspect has left you with some PTSD. All of us get into this pickle because booze becomes a coping strategy that starts off working and then doesn't anymore. What starts as adaptive becomes maladaptive and therefore yes you're right it is habit breaking essentially. It is complicated by the fact that the brain changes and gets used to functioning with booze and therefore thinks it can't function without it. I really do wonder if a medical detox would allow you to take that final step as the reducing dose of anti-anxiety medication used would relax you so you should be able to eat too therefore jumping both hurdles for you :) Booze is a depressant so I'm not surprised to hear you can feel suicidal when it plunges. You are doing great and the sleep is a reward and the taste of things to come Grin
Faez welcome and sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself. We all fall off so pick yourself up and hang around Flowers

Faez · 27/05/2015 13:46

Being told I cheated now. Don't know if its true but have told my partner.

jesy · 27/05/2015 14:49

Hope some one can help but my good mate has I guess fallen off wagon I can't get to them n don't know how to help

BadWool · 27/05/2015 18:55

I'm not in the best position to help but here to chat if that helps at all?

Lucy2610 · 27/05/2015 19:15

jesy is your good friend Faez? Have you tried PMing her? Don't know what else to suggest but as BadWool said we're here if talking more helps :)

Faez · 27/05/2015 19:30

Thank you. Have terrible shakes now, rather scared. Have told work what's going on but will be in trouble. Have some friends coming over as don't want to be alone. Need to go to doc as was just sick and brought up food I ate last night. Still blowing over drink drive limit so something isn't right..

BadWool · 27/05/2015 19:56

What is your drinking background Faez?

Faez · 27/05/2015 20:04

I've been into rehab but walked out of secondary stage treatment. Managed to convince myself I wasn't that bad but I black out every time I drink. I'm the one falling over in the pub making a fool of myself. Nearing 30 and despite doing well at school am in a dead end job because I can't keep out of the pub and focus on anything. Just so fed up of it all. Fed up of being tired, guilty, anxious. Still live at home with my dad and causing him so much stress. Just want to get dry and make a life for myself, Start a family. I would love to say never again and know that was it. I don't trust myself as been here so many times. Have ended up in hospital from fitting. I've nearly died a couple of times and overdosed when drunk. Why is all this not enough to stop?

Lucy2610 · 27/05/2015 20:43

If you've fitted in past and are sick now Faez can you get on call GP visit? Did you walk out of treatment recently? Will they take you back? Please take care of yourself and if things get worse please call 999. As to why you can't stop? The addiction can really do a job on us and we become our own worst enemy sometimes.

Faez · 27/05/2015 21:02

I walked a couple of years ago so probably wouldn't get back in. My dad is watching over me and hopefully through the worst. My shaking has calmed down, now to deal with the anxiety. can't wait to get back to work and back to normality minus the drink. Am so happy when I'm sober then I sabotage myself. Its like I don't know how to just be, its an endless rollercoaster. I will go back to addaction to my old key worker. Its a step in the right direction. Thank you for listening, really helps to write it all down

LastGleaming · 27/05/2015 21:08

Oh Faez I remember you briefly from a previous thread. I would be of the thinking to ring the OOH too given a history of fitting. Was it a prolonged period of drinking you're just stopping from or a night? Would the shakes possibly be anxiety related also, I got horrendous panic attacks after boozing but best to be safe. That's great you have friends coming over.