Kissed my married colleague

[neverdrinkingagain]

So I will probably get a lot of stick for this. Impromptu night out with work a few weekends ago. Ended up just myself and married colleague. I'm single. Known this guy for years and never fancied him but always thought he was a nice looking bloke. Got very drunk. He kept saying to go back to mine. We eventually did. I'm not naive I really do/did look at him as a friend who is happily married and totally off limits. We carried on drinking at mine, again it never crossed my mind anything other than drinking would happen. I have lots of male friends and truly believe in platonic friendships. Next thing I know, and all I can remember is us kissing!! I was incredibly drunk, which ive been before with other male friends and certainly nothing ever like this happened!! I can remember, I think, him saying about going upstairs? Which I never did! I remember the kissing was very passionate. I know I wouldn't have instigated it! I wouldn't do this with a married man! I feel really bad as it goes against everything I believe! I haven't heard from him since but am kinda wondering how to play it when I see him next at work. I am racked with guilt as certainly wouldn't wish it to happen again and want to think his wife will never find out and that it was just s stupid mistake on both our parts? Should I say something or just let it go? He is a nice bloke, he really is, we were both drunk!

I would keep my head down and hope to god he never mentions it! Take it as a lesson learned not to be alone with him ever again..

Was he drunk too? Sounds like he may have taken advantage a bit.

Sorry meant to write was he as drunk as you.. Only sounds like he was doing all the instigating

Vanita this is what's bothering me I can't remember! He was drunk as we had both drank a lot but whether he can remember more I don't know? He really isn't a bad person which is maybe why it is bothering me im kinda thinking is this what ALL married men do?! And before im shot down in flames I KNOW it takes two! I certainly don't want him to think I'm easy prey! I had confessed a lot to him throughout the night about my confusing love life! I have a 'friend with benefits' which I am happy with and WHO IS SINGLE! I'm hoping my colleague didn't think he was in with a chance? Just on a whim? I'm certainly not one for sleeping about! It makes me feel bad for his wife as tho I don't know her ive met her she seems lovely. Not that I will ever say anything I just wish I could remember it?! I remember sitting on separate settees at mine then the next passionately kissing!!!

Just pretend it didn't happen. Cowardly but surprisingly effective.

No point in saying anything, you will make it bigger than it actually is. Chalk it down to bad judgement due to too much alcohol.

Do you think? I really think a lot of him as a friend/colleague and amongst all the arseholes ive met he's always been 'one of the good guys'! I certainly don't want him to think I'm easy as ive said its just shocked me to the core and as much as I enjoyed it, which I did, at the time, It wouldn't happen again! Don't understand why he did it????

For the same reason that you did it. You were drunk and you both lost your senses for a minute. Learn from it but don't dwell on it.

Don't over think it.
Yy to putting it down to experience and move on and don't get THAT drunk again

Hopefully he is feeling as bad as you are.

Thehumanjam I think I'm dwelling on it cos it's something that goes against all my usual thoughts! I'm shocked it happened!

It goes against most decent peoples usual thoughts until it actually happens.

Hmmmmmm
Do people usually tell colleagues they have FWBs? I think you over shared there and he thought that since FWBs are not exclusive that perhaps he had a chance of a shag?
I don't think you need to beat yourself up too much because it was presumably you who stopped this after 'only' kissing. Don't get into a situation like this with him again, he's clearly up for cheating on his wife and it would be reprehensible for you to be a part of that. He will obviously do it with someone else and he's clearly a shit but it's no need for you to lower yourself to be a part of that.

Just never mention it.

Pacific I don't want him to feel bad as I don't want to ruin our platonic relationship and working relationship. I get on really well with him but as ive said ive never had feelings for him other than as a mate!

Fleecy he is in a group of work colleagues that I also class as out of work friends so confessing about my FWB was kind of a 'release' for me as it was nice to get a male friends perspective? Does that make sense? We work in a job whereby we work shifts/nights we are a close knit bunch just obviously not this close up to now!! X

Problem drinking is where the individual begins to experience difficulties in their life because of their alcohol intake, but they persist with the behaviour.

And this

Pacific I certainly don't make a habit of going out and getting drunk!!!

I disagree - in many ways he is more 'at fault' here than you: he's a married man, he should really know better.

If you feel you did something drunk you would not have done sober, your drinking is affecting the choices you are making. Which can be risky.

Pacific alcohol certainly affected that night but what I'm saying is it's not something that's a happened before so certainly don't think I have an alcohol problem! Just think I drank far too much on this one occasion to which I'm obviously paying the price!

You feel guilty but I wonder how your colleague feels?

Chances are he'll come back for more, so you need to prepare yourself in order to give him the brush off.

Just saying!

Laugh a minute, I think that's what is bothering me I want to just be like we were before I don't want to feel awkward around him I never have done! I could've gone further that night im sure (it's all cloudy!) but I didn't I stopped it so hopefully he will know I'm not an easy target!

You say it was a night out with work.

Did anyone else notice you leave? This could get very messy if so.

Well if he does try it on you just tell him that you don't want to get involved with a married man.

You cannot truly go back to how you were before though, can you? You both know what happened.
I hope it won't be awkward for either one of you, but I really think he has far more to think about and potentially lose than you in this situation.

I am not some kind of rabid alcohol prohibition supporter btw , I've just seen alcohol cause problems (= problem drinking) in terms of peoples choices and safety WELL before there's any kind of alcohol dependency going on. If you don't often drink so much that it affects your judgement, all's well

Auntie everyone else left earlier than us. But it's not anything unusual as everyone knows we are pals so carrying on just the two of us wouldn't be looked at as strange.

Pacific I didn't take any offence to your suggestions lol I just want to make it clear it's not something I ever do!