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Original poster

Kissed my married colleague

117 replies

neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 19:56

So I will probably get a lot of stick for this. Impromptu night out with work a few weekends ago. Ended up just myself and married colleague. I'm single. Known this guy for years and never fancied him but always thought he was a nice looking bloke. Got very drunk. He kept saying to go back to mine. We eventually did. I'm not naive I really do/did look at him as a friend who is happily married and totally off limits. We carried on drinking at mine, again it never crossed my mind anything other than drinking would happen. I have lots of male friends and truly believe in platonic friendships. Next thing I know, and all I can remember is us kissing!! I was incredibly drunk, which ive been before with other male friends and certainly nothing ever like this happened!! I can remember, I think, him saying about going upstairs? Which I never did! I remember the kissing was very passionate. I know I wouldn't have instigated it! I wouldn't do this with a married man! I feel really bad as it goes against everything I believe! I haven't heard from him since but am kinda wondering how to play it when I see him next at work. I am racked with guilt as certainly wouldn't wish it to happen again and want to think his wife will never find out and that it was just s stupid mistake on both our parts? Should I say something or just let it go? He is a nice bloke, he really is, we were both drunk!

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 01/04/2015 20:54

Of course he is the wrong, it sounds like he was even willing to have sex with you. But at work, you will get judged as well for going with a married man.

I wouldn't go near him while your drunk. His poor wife :( I think its unlikely you were the first woman he been with since his been married.

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 20:56

Rebecca I really believe I am? This is why it's shocked me! As well as the fact that I was that drunk to allow him to kiss me, the fact it was HIM who did it? I know some married men who'd try it on and are renowned for it just not him.......

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 01/04/2015 20:59

Just never mention it, pretend it didn't happen. Don't change your attitude towards him though - might be hard but try to forget it ever happened.

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:00

Toffee I think that's the best thing I just feel sad it happened. X

OP posts:
thehumanjam · 01/04/2015 21:01

OP you say that you didn't think he was the type but you didn't think you were the type either until you started to enjoy it. You're not in a position to take the moral high ground. Bad judgement call - you won't do it again.

sweetmuffins · 01/04/2015 21:02

It very awkward. Although you saw it as a platonic relationship, unfortunately, that's now gone out of the window. You won't ever see each other in the same light again. I mean, you kissed the guy. You need to try your best to stay away from this guy and not condone his behaviour. You were in the wrong too but it's doubly worse for him, as he fact he has a wife required him to exercise a far greater deal of self control, alcohol or no.

PacificDogwood · 01/04/2015 21:03

Double standards re men's and women's sexual behaviour are alive and well: unfairly you may be more harshly judged than he Hmm if it was noted that you stayed behind on your own.
Wrong and unfair, but there ya'have it. In the 21st century

AnyFucker · 01/04/2015 21:03

I think it is unrealistic now that you can go back to the easy platonic "friendship" you had before

don't shit on your own doorstep in future (same goes for him of course, but he isn't the one posting on MN)

Rebecca2014 · 01/04/2015 21:05

I think it was very silly of you to allow this married man to come back to your home. He was pressuring you to take him to your home and then made the moves because he thought he was in there. You need to be less trusting.

He may seem like a lovely, nice guy but you don't really know what he gets up to in his personal life. It sounds like it was all planned in his head to get you into bed.

Cherriesandapples · 01/04/2015 21:05

Honestly, just never mention it again, ever, and he he does , look blank and say "I don't know what you are talking about!

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:15

A group of us, male and female, regularly meet up as friends out of work, inviting him back to my house wasn't anything I wouldn't have done with any of my other male friends. I trusted him, and myself, that that's all we were? Friends! Hmm

OP posts:
Janebob0 · 01/04/2015 21:16

Not sure what you should do but just wanted to say that I think it is never ever a good idea to go out late night drinking with a male colleague or whatever who has a significant other. Particularly to take him back to yours to continue drinking after the office do. It's asking for trouble and you were being very unclear about appropriate boundaries.

Janebob0 · 01/04/2015 21:18

Sorry just to clarify... I know he was persuading you to take him back to yours and not vice versa but you need to stand firm in those situations. I'm so glad nothing more serious happened. He sounds forceful. Please look after yourself. Don't trust men you dont know very well particularly alone and drunk. Put it down to experience. Take care of yourself

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:20

Thanks Jane. I know him very well ive known him for about 15 years. He's not a stranger. Xx

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/04/2015 21:21

Most sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone you know

Just sayin'

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:22

AnyFucker I do understand what you're saying. X

OP posts:
Rebecca2014 · 01/04/2015 21:26

So you don't think it was funny that he kept pressuring you to take him to your home? and that he was the one who kissed you first and wanted to go to your bedroom?

The fact is, he knew he wanted to sleep with you that night and no he didn't see you as just a friend.

You just need be less trusting around male friends, sorry but that's the harsh truth.

jerryfudd · 01/04/2015 21:29

"he is a nice bloke... "

Um, no he's not

PacificDogwood · 01/04/2015 21:29

Yes, I agree with Rebecca: as long as male entitlement exists that is going to be the case Angry

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:29

I think as well at being shocked at my own actions, I feel my view of him has completely changed. He was, I thought, happily married? So he is either a complete twat (I still don't think he is due to how long I've known him?) or he thought (worse) that I'm some easy target! Which makes me feel terrible!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/04/2015 21:34

he probably is happily married

but he is also an opportunist

it might have taken 15 years of "knowing" him for the stars to align where he got the opportunity to get into your pants, but some people are happy to play the long game

he has probably had success elsewhere...don't think you are anything special or that his sexual attraction to you was anything at all to do with how happy he is with his wife poor cow

Iwasbornin1993 · 01/04/2015 21:36

It's the wife I feel sorry for I'm afraid! If this was a friend telling me this I'd be tempted to advise her to send an anonymous letter to his wife to let her know exactly what her 'D'H is up to! But probably wouldn't advise that in all reality as he would presumably know who sent it. Unless he is making a regular occurrence out of kissing his work colleagues.

MorrisZapp · 01/04/2015 21:36

What's this 'easy target' business? You've said it a few times now.

Original poster
neverdrinkingagain · 01/04/2015 21:37

I don't think I'm anything special how can I be after allowing myself to get into this situation?! Im mortified Hmm

OP posts:
ElizabethHoover · 01/04/2015 21:38

OP
Steady on the !! marks