The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Shaking Off The Winter Blues And Getting Out Our Booze Free Summer Shoes!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. It's a Bus full of drinkers, non-drinkers, occasional slurpers, sneaky sippers, we're all a very different bunch but we ALL have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

We all have a story or two to tell, we have all been through some terrible times, some more than others and we all have our reasons for drinking or even not.

The one true wonderful thing about this Bus is that we don't do judging!! We're all on a even playing field, no matter what has brought us to this thread.

So, if you'd like to talk, then talk. If you want to lurk and see how we work for a while, that's cool too :)

The Bus is never full, there's always is room for YOU.

And, if you'd like to see what started this off, amost good 5 years ago now, have a look at A TRULY AWESOME HEARTFELT THEAD HERE

And our last thread is just here too for those who would like some more history THIS IS WHERE WE'VE JUST BEEN

Hope to see you soon :) xxx

Hi. Just popping in, just had a marathon tidy session in our bedroom and filled 3 binbags - 2 for charity and 1 for bin. Then did a 10k run - determined to lose weight if it kills me....

Well done *ruby. I have done fuck all and am still in my PJs.

Ruby . Wow, go you! That is an impressive days work.

Ma, that's a good day too. You stick with those PJs, it's a bank holiday weekend. I bet their glam 'house trews' really.

I've planted and sowed seeds. Bought three new bras, in a new, more manageable size, run the Pup up and down the field outside, and been to Pets at Home for a base for his travel crate, which he immediately scraped in half so he could sit on the bare crate . Now roast chicken for the carnivores and a lentil and spinach thing for me.

A bright sunny bank holiday to you all.

I sneezed myself to sleep last night at 8 (stupid allergy), but in good and refreshed this morning.

Morning all

sweet I'm heading out into the garden today. I've planted loads but I'm really impatient and just want the buggers to flower / grow. Anything nice in flower in your garden yet? (ignores sniggering)

ma Stay in those pjs,you need rest lovely. It's so hard to see elderly rellies in that twilight state.

I went out on saturday and had a lovely night,I drank but not too much. Had another af night last night. I'm re reading 'Calling time on wine o'clock' and Im sad enough to have made a little chart where I colour in a block if I've had an af night. I need all kinds of help available when it comes to staying away from the booze.I'm very happy that i've managed a few af nights. I know that I started drinking again last september because that's when life went tits up but right now I want to look after my health again.

Morning all.

Morning All Lovely Brave Babes

It's been a struggle but I have managed to reach Day 35 When I got to 30 Days, I was like right that's a month must be time to celebrate I've been 'white knuckle riding' with my sober life, blimey I have a real sense of the haze that comes with drinking not sure I like the reality but for now I'm taking one moment, day, week at a time.

2 weeks ago I went for a fixed priced £6.95 lunch with one of my besties. She drank 3 glasses of prosecco and I had lime & soda, I then had a chocolate torte with caramel icecream (yum). My bill came to £13.50 and hers came to ££23.50 I'm in the habit of having a pudding as my wine replacement, seems to be working

I spent a few nights in London last week on a course (I can now do chair based exercises with me old folk without a) hurting any of them and b) not killing any of them - that is a relief) anyway I digress... so I stayed with some good friends who I would normally drink with and I didn't, that was a result

DD1 is 16 on Tuesday (bless her, she's got her first GCSE on her bday) this would usually be a time to celebrate with booze (lots of it) this will be DD1 first birthday that I have been sober She actually said she was proud of me the other day (she is a bit Kevin like so this meant alot to me)

So I am still AF it is an every day struggle, especially the last 3 days but I am quite determined to reach 100 days (and then what I don't know) I've lost a bit of weight but not much, that will be all those puds

Sweet darling I'm sorry you've been feeling low. The habits are so hard to break, look how well you did in January, try and keep hold of that feeling. Love hearing about pup and puss Have a lovely day today, sun is shining'ish here today, it is warm though xxx

Guggs well done on AF days. Glad you're feeling better for it. x

Ma sending you loads of hugs lovely x

Joey really good to hear you perky

Beaches twinkle, hope you're ok honey. Hope you've had a good weekend lovely one xxx

Hope just started the Last Anniversary by Lianne Moriarty (made me think of you) it's slow starting, recently read the one about the hypnotists which was good, but me all time fave is Little Lies, kept me gripped the whole way through. Darling just wanted to send you hugs and strength

Fox how's it going Babe? what day are you on now? x

Khalisi hope you're ok darling sorry to hear you've been down. Hope you're feeling better xx

Signing off for fear of losing this mammoth post. Love to you all xxx

Morning all. Overdid buying booze for our party so now starting the day with a ton of temptation in my kitchen. Trying to have a run of AF days beginning today, but am struggling so much. Last night was great, but felt I was acting a part while a bit of me watched with interest at the woman hosting a party and appearing to have fun, and wondered how she was doing it. Every day I wake up and am OK for a few seconds before I remember what has been done to us at work, and the panic and upset and anger flood back. The family expect me to be the perfect provider, earning all the money, organising all their shit, entertaining them, yet not having any bad habits, or showing any distress. A couple of times I have started crying out of the blue, and nobody appears to notice or comment. WB can smoke all he likes cos he is 'stressed', can go out when he wants cos he is 'busy' and can bring no money in cos he is ... Well I don't know what the fuck his logic is there tbh. I am not even allowed to be sad or angry. I have nobody in RL to talk to about how I feel or to help me out with my problems, and sometimes I feel I will explode, or just walk out and keep walking. And that's why I drink, and then feel guilty and worry about my health. . The antidepressants have stopped working, but maybe that's because my reasons for being depressed are external. There's no pill I can take that will retrospectively murder evil career ruining boss and lying devious line manager and HR, then swap my OH for a functional, pleasant man with a job. Unfortunately

Carrying on with my grievance letter today, then cleaning and sorting house. I feel like my head is going to explode and I'm not even remotely hung over!

Just dying to wake up one day and not he on the verge of tears.

Sorry, I know I am not the only one with problems. I feel ashamed even being such a wimp when Ma has so much more to cope with and handles it so well. I'm just having a little moment

Hope you all have a good Bank Holiday Monday

PS hot flushes as well? Really? Now???? D'aaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops, spanna missed you there. Just wanted to say well done on day 35. You are amazing!!!! ( finds the smock of smug at the bottom of huge ironing pile, gives it a quick shake and hands over to Spanna.) PS do you want a humongous birthday cake for the bus? Got lovely niece to bake a huge chocolate extravaganza for ds, and not sure how we will ever finish it, despite best efforts of a gang of teenage boys and their parents last night. Also have a ton of Chinese leftovers in fridge. Think I have an over catering issue

Hello everyone,

Hanging my head in .
As usual for some of us when we hit the bottle, we go m.i.a.
Started on Thursday night and didn't stop till yesterday.
Now that low, seedy feeling of having fucked up.

Sweet skinny jeans, eh?!
girrrrl, no problem being depressed! You're skinny!!!
Seriously, though, really sorry you're still not ok.

Hey spanna! I'm getting there. Nothing like the guilt and shame of a drinking spree to put things into perspective, if only until the next spree!

Hope I think you might want to start with emotional spring-cleaning, my love. Look at it this way, if ever there was a good time to get rid of WB, it would be when you are not earning big dollars! Sorry, I know this might sound cold and might not be ok to say but it might also just be the silver lining! He can't take you to the cleaners if you're out of cleaning chemicals.
And so sorry about the hot flushes! They are really shitty. I also now started having them when sleeping! I wake up with a start, realise I'm sweating and in the same moment start freezing.
If all else fails, get on a plane and come hang out with me, babes. We can make alcohol free mojitos and gossip about my boring neighbours!

Have a good one, Babes!

oh and spanna WELL DONE on day 35, babes!

"can't take you to the cleaners if you are out of cleaning chemicals" - love it.
oh hope that tearful shit feeling is just horrible isn't it. And I am not going through any more than anyone else. I just complain more

Well, email gate may not be as bad as I feared as only my response was sent and not the whole thread, thankfully. Have sent a grovelogram and can only wait now.
spanna bloody well done you. I am back drinking, post antibiotics but stopping after one or two glasses.

Hi all. I've been quiet for a while, but been keeping up with all your doings. Sweet, Hope so sorry about the horrible work anxiety/anger/bafflement/sadness. Hugs and waves to all, snuffles to Mouse. V interested in the menopause comments, been thinking a lot about alcohol/menopause connections (which may or may not exist otherwise than in my head).

Spanna, thanks so much for checking on me. Day 124, apparently, and 749.5 drinks not consumed (gulp x 749.5) according to my app. Scary/exciting and still don't quite believe it. Feeling ok - still need my Becks Blue ritual every day (predictably swapping alcohol trigger for BB - Sobermum, just read your post on that, and I have to say 124 days in, I am completely fine about BB, its very much the lesser of a much bigger alternative evil!). My headspace is less taken up with alcohol than it used to be and I notice myself saying 'oh, I don't drink' much more easily, rather than embarking on great long justifications about doing dry jan, feeling so much better for it so 'carrying on for a bit', which is what I've been saying til now.

But the WW is still lurking, and vigilance is still constantly required. Maybe it'll always be like that. Which I guess is ok. Its not the times I expect it that it strikes - e.g., lovely country pub this afternoon, I watched someone drinking Chablis with the sun shining through the glass and..it was fine. Beautiful, lovely, slightly wistful but not really tempting because I knew I couldn't have it. But at my parents' house last weekend, a gentle happy afternoon with no-one drinking, kids playing - and I'm chewing the sofa leg off to combat the desire to neck a bottle of their cooking sherry (they're not big drinkers, obv ). And it would very clearly have been the whole bottle. Classy.

Anyway, hope everyone has had a good bank holiday. We've been out to an English Heritage garden, roaming around with a picnic then pub. The kind of improvingly bucolic thing you're supposed to do on a BH, and which I've always slightly resented as removing the focus and proximity too far from alcohol. Today it was lovely, and now I am busy cooking huge excessive batches of stupidly healthy food for the week. Am busy removing sugar from my (protesting) family's lives - never let it be said i do anything by halves (addictive personality? Surely not).

Sleep well, all.

PS, Spanna - my memory is improving post-alcohol but is clearly still crap - the reason I came on to post in the first place was to say well done to you, you are doing amazingly and I can't wait for you to get to 100 days either. Hugs, babe - and good luck to DD1 with her exams.

Well done smallfox and spanna

One more af day for me but I'm so knackered that I'm off to bed right now.

Hey babes

Day 1

Day 1 for me again too joey. Sit next to me and share some chocolate cake

Morning lovely Babes

Well I've gone from waking up at 5.30am to 4.30am this does not make me very happy Anyhooooo. Thank you for your lovely support and Hope I am wearing the crumpled smock of smug there seems to be some chocolate stains down the front, was it Fox that had it last???

Hope chocolate cake yummy thank you so much, just what the Doctor ordered to help me bounce out of bed Keep strong Babe, you are doing so so well considering what's on your plate at the moment. So glad DS had a really good party. I can so relate to your description of watching yourself at the family gatherings. I used to do the same, put on a mask, face, false smile (although no-one would know it was false) it is such a relief not to have to do that anymore. I expect you deserve an Oscar my love

Ma at least you're sticking to 2 glasses, I can't do that in my world, it's the whole lot or nothing at all I hope there's some good news at work this week x

Fox thanks Babes, your support is greatly appreciated Give me the money figure, that's the one I'm interested in!!!! You sound really positive. I tried that Becks Blue last January and got completely wound up that there was no effect from them I have to admit I am struggling but am determined to keep going. These are for you

Khalisi sending you love and strength Babe, I'm really impressed with your running efforts, you go Babe xxx

Ruby Hello lovely. Hope you're ok hon. Wishing you a good week x

Sweet darling, just wanted to give you a huge hug. Darling you are doing so well, please think of all the good in your life, DS, DH, puss, pup, the garden, be kind to yourself and self-nurture. Try and plan a treat for yourself this week, for you and only you. You've been on my mind quite a bit the passed few days (not in a weird way)

Beaches quick squeeze x

Blimey it's late, got to get DDs to school. Back later. Have a good day y'all

Day 2 here as well isindie. Day 1 always hardest for me, find it hard to stop once am on a roll

Had more bad news today, after spending a lot of the bank holiday crafting our group grievance have been told today that our evil department do nor recognise them and we all have to put individual ones in. Which I think will put people off as, short of coming to our houses in the dead of night with petrol and burning torches, I don't know how they could bully us more than they are doing and people are scared and just want to give up. So, plans for today ditched in favour of sitting on couch brooding after very tearful call to Union where I was told to take time off with stress.

Freezing here today, which doesn't help.

Ma _ did you sort out e-mail situation?

Khalisi - would love to get on a plane and stay with you . You can encourage me to do running again. Escape fantasies are top of my agenda at the moment. Really want to run away from my life. Although of course I do that in a non geographical sense by being half pissed a lot of the time . Maybe I should just pack a bag and save my liver.

Dd being a teen nightmare his week. Just when I don't need it. She is having issues with her so called best friend at school who didn't invite her to a recording / photoshoot party for her birthday. Even though dd spent ages chosing her a special present cos she is a sweetie like that. This girl didnt even tell her about it and she ended up seeing all the photos of her friendship group on Instagram without her. Bloody awful for her. . She pretends she is OK about it but I know she really isn't and is taking it out on me. I think its a jealousy thing... Out of nowhere in the last few months my little girl has suddenly become a real stunner, ridiculously so, and it is provoking a lot of bitchiness. Thing is, I really can't think how to handle it as she gets defensive and tearful if I mention it or criticise her friends. Ds is looking out for her at school but he is a bit dismissive and shrugs and says she is better than them and should have better taste in friends. She does choose badly, likes the people who are 'in' rather than actually nice and with similar interests, but you can't advise them at that age. Sigh!

Sweet how are you today? What is pup up to?

joey ... You with us on day 2?

Spanna BB not for me at all. If I'm not drinking then I find pretend drink a bit triggering. Also dislike caffeine free diet coke and decaffeinated coffee though. I am either fearlessly authentic, or just resolutely unhealthy? Suspect the latter!

Small you are doing brilliantly, you sherry-swerving marvel! Well done and big hugs

Guggs hope you got a good night's sleep and are feeling less tired.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, on tablet and can't read back too far, so going to post this before I lose it. Love to all xxx

Eek, LOVE it isindie ... Have a gold

Hope you are coping with so much, hang in there, something will change and you will feel differently. It might not be what you would choose, it might not be what you want but it will change and you won't always feel like this. You are so brave to post and share with us, keep posting, let it all out here, there is always someone to listen and understand x

Spanna you are doing absolutely brilliantly, well done. Keep it up, you are becoming an inspiration now

guggs have you got the app that counts days and records how much money you save from AF days? I know other babes have found that motivating. You're doing great, lovely to hear from you x

Small Wow, just wow, you have a way with words, I can just imagine you white-knuckling it through those difficult temptations And you did it, you are doing it. You are fab!

Love the poem Isindie

love it Indie

Email gate is resolved. Recipient was fine about it and I have collapsed in a relieved heap......thank God!!!
Absolutely pissing down here today and have been so down about everything, especially the biopsy attempt 2 on Friday. gulp
I think a takeaway is in my future tonight....

Love the poem Isinde

Nuff thanks Babe

Tbh I am really struggling I am gagging for some cold fizz The moments pass. WW is such a beeeatch. I am so determined not to cave Luckily I haven't got alot of money until Friday (pay day) but that then starts a load of other triggers. Arrrrgh!!!