A thread to say something you can't in real life!

[Sodthisagain]

To my not so dear sister
Fuck off to the far side of fuck then fuck off some more! I am not the scheming, money swindling bitch you have insinuated I am today and will no longer going to be your doormat to shout at when you are stressed!!
Oh and don't forget fuck off!

There that's better :-)

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I loved you so much. I still love you. I wish I didn't - the guilt I feel for loving you is tearing me apart. Perhaps by loving you I'm as guilty and culpable as you are. I hope that's not true but it feels that way.

I'm so sorry for everything you went through but that doesn't excuse what you've done. How could you think it does? I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand why you did it but I don't think I will ever have an answer. I don't think you even understand why you did it.

I will never forgive you for what you've done. I hate you and love you all at the same time. You have no idea how what you've done has effected me and your family. I don't know how you can stand to get up and go to work every day and carry on like nothing has happened. I don't know how I can continue to love you yet I know that I'll love you forever no matter what.

The image of you and what you've done will haunt me for the rest of my life. I promised to stay in contact with you but I don't know how I can. I hope you get the help you need. I hate what you've done so much but I also hope that you have a good life. See, even that makes me feel guilty. I don't know how I can ever feel happy again after this. This has made me question absolutely everything in my life and I have no idea how to move forward. I can't live with you but I can't live without you either. Somewhere along the line I'm going to have to make a final choice yet I don't know if I can live with either of them. I'm going to have to though aren't I? Just as you're going to have to live with what you've done. I hope you have the decency and the bravery to face up to it. That will give me some consolation that a small part of the person I knew did really exist.

Please just leave work, please just go and have more children, if you don't want the job, please give it to someone nice that I can find pleasant to work with, your doing my head in....

Dear DD,

Happy 6th birthday sweetheart.

You don't know me, I'm the one who gave birth to you. Age 6 you may not even know what that means. You will have no idea of me and how I looked after you for 9 months, how I talked to you and kept you safe.

I'm thankful you won't remember my screams and cries though as you were taken from me. That wasn't my choice. I would have kept you forever if I could but I was only 16 and under the care of the mental health team so it wasn't my choice. They didn't even let me hold you but if they had I would never have let you go.

I hope your family now is lovely and treat you like a princess. I hope you're having a party and cake for your special day. I think of you every day baby girl and always will do. Make better choices than I did.

Lots of love

Your mummy

ManAlive

ManAlive Such a sad post

ManAlive

You sound like a fantastic mother. It was not your fault.

ManAlive I have no words

MIL please just fuck off with your controlling, manipulative tantrums, you are a grown up not a 5 year old. I am 40+2 weeks pregnant and could really do without you threatening to sell our home from under us just because you haven't got your own way. You used to be nice so what the fuck has changed

SIL you are a toxic cow and I'm glad DP has cut you out of our lives.

DP I love you very much but your family are doing my head in and I really wish they would all just fuck off to the far side of fuck.

DS I am really sick of being pregnant so please please will you just come already, I just want to meet you now!

ManAlive sweetheart I am so sorry, that is utterly heartbreaking for you. You've moved me to tears. I can't imagine how much that must hurt. You sound lovely and I hope one day when your daughter is older she looks for you and you are reunited. I am sure that her new family look after your daughter and that she is loved and well cared for, I am sorry that chance was taken away from you. Hugs and

SIL-your blatant bragging about your DHs income makes me wonder if thats why you married him

Dh- I love you still, I think & if your personality changes do turn out to be due to the medical condition you are being tested for I will support you. If its not then I will act as I see fit.
Ds, I am so proud of the man you are becoming.
Dd, you light up my day & my life.
Boss, I know my job, stop wasting both of our time trying to micro manage me.
Mum, I love you.
Dad, I love you , the past few months have been hell & I will keep on fighting the hospital with you until your procedure goes ahead.
Colleague, I know your having a shitty time, but the position I am in these days financially is recent & our other colleagues are aware that for years I was on the bones of my arse. Nothing has been handed to me on a plate.

Mum & Dad - I know you don't see it or hear it, despite my telling you. I think you just choose not to. Nan knew, but you wouldn't listen to her either. You have hurt me so much, even though it may seem a silly little thing. You don't mean to. But that doesn't mean it hurts less.

Friends - I am always the strong one, who helps you all out, who spends hours on the phone with you no matter what. I'm the one who notices when something's not right with any of you, and get you to talk, and make you feel better and solve the problem. I love that you appreciate me. But why do none of you ever notice when I am the one with the problem? That I am struggling to keep afloat. That I am so fucking lonely. And please don't keep saying things like "Why are you still single? You'd make someone such a fabulous husband?"

Awww, Seth I was about to write something very similar to your post to your friends, only from a female angle.

MIL: 'I am not five years old. Stop treating me as such. Also, I am a better cook, gardener, and housewife than you, so stop giving me constant unsolicited and unwanted bossy advice about how to do all of those things'.

Manalive - I just can't put into words what I'd like to say, I'm so sorry

Dear God, Dear Consultant, Dear anyone -
Please at her 10am appt this morning DON'T let the results of my mums brain tumour biopsy be malignant and I know it's a big ask but please let a benign tumour be one of the 'easier' ones to manage. I beg you.

Carbe. Thinking of you right now and keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

Thank you shove
Pacing and trying to distract myself right now.

manalive
carve

Dear in laws (all of you)

I have accepted over the years that you hate me. Even though it hurts I've also accepted the fact that my dc's don't mean as much to you as the other kids in the family. We are, however, family. You don't see it that way and I understand. You made your choices early on and I've never really been welcome or tolerated.

The thing that upsets me though is poor dh. You've destroyed him. He's having intensive counselling because of what you've all done to him over the years. He's not just quiet, he's not just shy. He's very angry, hurt and messed up. He's working on it. The fact that you all reject him because of his choice of partner is ridiculous. The fact that you stood by his ex and not him has done more damage than you'll ever know. It was never about me. It was about supporting him.

We've cut you out of our lives. You don't appear to have noticed which is fine by us. The incident that happened last summer really was a turning point. We were worried about innocent children. You lot used it as an excuse to spout hate and bitterness about me. Really showed your true colours and who was important. As a side note I really hope we are wrong about the child in question. We were concerned and protecting our dc. I still struggle to believe that you'd all prefer to stick your head in the sand about it. Dh was there. He heard what was said. I don't see how it can still be me making things up? Dh was the one that wanted to call social services. Dh was the one who got advice from the nspcc. He is an adult capable of making these decisions. I'm not his puppet master.

We miss all the kids. I hope they are all ok.

I don't think dh will ever forgive the sides you all took that day. You crossed a line and there's no going back from it. You should've remained impartial. You clearly chose one family member over the other without reason.

Counselling is really helping him. We are still so very happy together. Instead of breaking us you've pushed us together even more. We are strong and there's nothing you can do about that. You all seem to think he is distant because he doesn't care. He is distant because none of you care about him. He is protecting himself. It's about time.

I don't feel anything for any of you anymore. I tried for years and have realised it's not worth the upset. I don't wish any of you any harm. If you want to save any sort of relationship you have with dh then I'd do it quickly as he's detaching himself emotionally. I don't think you deserve him anyway. He is such a good man. I'm very proud of him.

That felt soooooooo good!

I love this!
Dear DP,
Next time you think I'm being totally irrational to assume you fancy your fucking boss take a moment to think about all the things you put me through whilst I was pregnant with your dd. think about the fact I carried all those problems alone to protect you, our relationship & our family. Take a second to consider that whilst you've moved on and changed your ways I still carry with me all those insecurities and hurt that you inflicted on me. Maybe try and remember that I gave you everything a woman could yet I still didn't match up to those pretty, petite blonde girls you took a fancy for and that I know that if I wasn't enough for you then I never will be. Most importantly remember that you have a daughter now & one day she will find someone she loves and settle down & if he ever mistreats her you haven't a leg to stand on!
For what it's worth the shirt you wore into work today (for your meeting with your wonderful new boss) Is not only far too tight (since you've gotten so fat) but also has a HUGE iron shaped print on the back curtesy of me (you never ask me to iron your shirts but today seeing as you're meeting up with your amazing new boss is obviously an essential) and your trousers are too short!!!
Please note that your new found love of aftershave doesn't cover up the fact your work clothes make you look like a chubby school boy no matter how much of the stuff you smother yourself in ( it's vile- keep wearing it) and that even if you do end up sleeping with your boss she'll be incredibly disappointed (size & performance) and never come back again!!
P.S I ate your Easter egg and deleted all your rugby you'd recorded whilst writing this and I'm considering ironing the rest of your shirts xxxxx

Dear FIL,
The time is coming close to say goodbye for ever. You are such a good kind man. Hard to believe that EXDH came from you.
You accepted me wholly in to your family and wrapped your arms around me! I hope the end is quick and as painless as can be.

EXDH - This is going to hit you hard and for once you are going to have to deal with emotion from within yourself and from your family members as well. Dig deep and for once find some empathy. Hold our DS in your arms and tell him all the stories from when you were small. Reassure him that Grampy had the best life ever and all the better for knowing DS.

MIL - Sweet dear MIL. I love you with all my heart and pray that you can survive all of this.

ivedunnit

Neighbour - I am horrified that someone as spiteful and unpleasant as you works for the ambulance service and has vulnerable lives in your hands on a regular basis.

Dear DH.

I love you but please fuck off giving me 'advice' about how I should/shouldn't look after our baby. If you really care so very much about the way I look after her then put down your tablet and try doing it yourself. I understand that you are effectively working two jobs and that the business you started is almost at the size where you can take on running it full time but you do not need to be answering emails at 11pm- it can wait until morning. No-one is expecting an answer to every email within an hour.

Also I get that last night you were ill and 'couldn't deal with her crying' but telling me that I was making our baby 'whingy because of how I always pander to her and pick her up when she cries' For FUCK SAKE she is SIX months old and teething. Given that you were apparently so intolerant of her crying because you yourself were ill you should try having a tiny bit more empathy for a baby. Especially one who you apparently wanted so badly, right up until the point where it transpired that you would have to do some of the child care- which apparently is well out of order because you told me that you weren't very good with babies. 0.o ?!? Apparently this meant 'Darling. I won't do a damn thing until the child can basically take care of herself. Yes that's right, I will begrudingly change nappies, or occasionally feed the child and you can ask me to look after her whilst you go to the toilet, but I will huff at every request because I. told. you. and that means I am excluded from caring for my child at all.

Do you really think this is normal as a reaction? Or that I love getting up throughout the night or walking around with her whilst she cries in the evening because she's teething- I don't. But I equally don't get to say 'Oh I don't like this bit' and hand her off to someone for them to deal with. Twat.

When I wake up in the morning, you're the first thing I think about.
When I'm going to sleep at night, you're the last thing I think about.
I spend far too much of my day thinking about you.

There are several reasons us being together is never going to happen. But I do think you have feelings for me too. I should walk away and cut contact but I love being your friend and I'm too weak not to see you regularly when I easily can, so I'm not going to do that.

For some strange reason I'm drawn to you. When you are on good form, I love spending time with you....I know you've had a difficult life.... but I'm telling you no other woman would put up with you. Somehow I'm convinced I can change/save you.....

The mood swings, you are a horrible drunk, the lack of boundaries, the constant suspicion , the criticism, the petty jealousies, the not knowing that you've hurt me and how, the blame, the little humiliations, the not realising that I do sometimes need some space and the time to do things that don't revolve around you.

And yet the really ironic thing is that I know I could stand up to you now and I know we'd be much better if I did. I've learnt that it isn't me that is wrong all the time or makes mistakes. I've learnt that you do this because you can get away with it.

But because you have this hold over me for the next few months... I daren't rock the boat.

To my recent ex,
I miss you all the time. I can't believe that after all these years you have dumped me by a text. I'm so hurt that you left our home and thought we could carry on as normal with me struggling through life as a single parent while you were sitting pretty at your mums. Can't believe that you refuse to see how that and your shitty behaviour would make me sad and angry, and that you then dumped me for being sad and angry.
I cannot believe that in all these years you once took my side and said to your ex that you wanted to spend time with me, my DS and your DD; that you let her call all the shots in the situation.
To DP's ex;
I hate that you use your daughter as a pawn and didn't allow him access for a year for making the mistake of staying at ours. I hate you both in a way for pretending I don't exist when you are together, even though there is no romantic feelings anymore between you. I don't understand it.

That you never took my side I mean.