Any other 44 year-old virgins out there ?

[vienna1981]

I'm one (male) . How does it feel ? It's something I think about every day, like a rite of passage from youth that simply passed me by.

My uncle, was, i am almost certain, in your position. He is a very quiet person, never socialises, even with the interests that he does have,(music etc) and it really seemed as though he would just be a bachelor for ever. (As children we cruelly called him "batchy", but he would have only been late twenties then, so we must have been picking up on something). He eventually got together with someone who worked for him. I have no idea how , as she is also very shy and quiet. I assume he must have asked her for coffee at some point. They married and have stayed together, in unsociable bliss, ever since. So however unlikely it may seem, it really can just happen. However, as you clearly feel very sad about this, then I agree with the posters who have suggested broadening your life, and getting more sociable. I have a single friend, she is lovely, but she never goes anywhere, and I think just assumed that Mr Right would come knocking at her door. Of course he hasn't and I think she has really given up on finding anyone, which seems a shame.
So get out and do things, particularly helpful things, and meet people. The more people you meet, and enjoy talking to, the more likely it is that you will meet someone who you just get along with.

Vienna have you ever tried online dating? Plenty of Fish?

You are obviously not incapable of communicating, you write with warmth and honesty and humour, there is no reason in the world why you should be spending all of your out of work time alone. You sound paralysed by fear and apathy and the idea that everyone else has been blessed with some magical gift or quality that you didn't get. But I really doubt that's true. You just need to work on finding ways to mix with the right kind of people, with a similar outlook on life to you - I promise they are out there.

Can you get yourself on POF today? We can help you write a nice profile that will attract the right kind of female company for you. You sound decent and genuine and kind and honestly, that's 70% of the battle where most women are concerned.

Oh God, whatever you do do, don't join Plenty Of Fish.

I haven't been on there for a few years granted, but it certainly wasn't the place for the shy and retiring when I was. There will be much more suitable sites out there. Possibly e-harmony?

Warmth, ,honesty, humour, genuine, kind, decent. Golly, my head expandeth!

ok saucy you can tell how much I know about dating I last did it around the time of the Crimean War I think….

Don't worry if you try online dating and initially get ignored or rejected, that's actually normal, even my stunning sister has had her fair share of rejections online.

Talking of rejection - I decided to facebook-message a man I like on Monday, all I said was ''it was nice to run into you at work the other day :) '' and I still haven't had any reply and I know he's read my message, sigh... typical!

Thinking of how various friends & family met their long-term partners; well two of them met their husbands through Facebook, others through POF & other online dating sites, some through work, friends, one couple even met in a nightclub and have been together 14 years.

I don't know anyone who's met a partner through doing 'activities', joining a club or doing a hobby..That's more of a way that people have met new friends that I know. And new friends may know some nice single women..

Be yourself, but change your tactics - does that make sense.

And I agree, you sound nice.

you do have to get out there a bit- do something sociable? What do you do in the evenings? You need to be in an environment where you will naturally meet men and women as friends. Have you tried a local running club or rock climbing? Something sociable but not pushy?

There used to be a thing called dinner club a friend went to- basically it was a group of people having dinner together but not for dating, just fun. All ages.

Thre must be something you're interested in? And haven't any of your friends/ family tried to fix you up?

Think what you'd like to achieve by the end of the year- get involved in committees or something, play tennis, travel to 3 cities and look round, and do it. Don't worry about the sex. If you meet someone nice it will be very natural - you're just not putting yourself in a position for it to happen.

You could try citysocialising, which is a site for people to find friends to go to activities with, whether gigs, Spanish classes, or just the pub. I know someone who had moved cities and wanted to meet people. She did this, and met lots of people, actually meeting her boyfriend thru someone she met doing city socialising.
It's a low key way of finding people to do stuff with. You could also try something like learning to swing dance. Before you laugh, a male friend of mine took this up,and has had tons of girlfriends thru the dance scene. Very high proportion of women to men! Also, you are doing something physical with a partner, so you naturally break some of those social barriers when you dance with someone.

I like the dancing idea! There's also line dancing or salsa

Do you talk to your elderly neighbours at all? I say get friendly with them - it's a start. Can you lend them a hand? They may have children, relatives, friends - they might turn matchmaker for you.

Take your dad to the pub - the 'bloke on his own' does stick out like a sore thumb. You and dad together, maybe easier to get chatting to other locals?

I think what you need is some friends, some mates, a bit of a social life. You're stuck in a rut.

Apparently, the most common way couples meet is at work - any new job opportunities for you on the horizon?

well i think you sound really nice. i think you're not managing to meet people because of your work (no women there) and your home life (surrounded by elderlies). so you need to work on putting yourself out there. of course it's tough. bloody difficult. look at what interests you and just go to a group meeting. try a few and persevere. maybe a hiking group?

look for an activity that is hobby based so people are relaxed and open when they go. try a running club.

I think you sound nice too by the way, maybe think of volunteering somewhere, a local community project? A community choir can be a good place to meet people in general, and is fun. Or as someone else suggested , a hiking group, maybe go on a group walking/trekking holiday? Or if you are more sporty then something like coasteering.
You don't sound like someone with no people skills, I think just broadening your social circle might be the key, and doing something helpful like volunteering puts the focus on what you are doing but allows you to meet up with other (usually kind, or they wouldn't be volunteering) people.

Forgive me for registering just to reply to this topic but Googling something else brought up a thread on here and then I saw this.

I'm male and still a virgin although I'm mid-thirties. It's socially crippling and as time goes on only gets worse. I have a medical condition which means I have low testosterone levels which does affect my libido. I'm currently on medication to sort the levels out but due to my condition it's a slow process (currently 7 years!).

I've read the comments on here with interest, and whilst I fully agree that more social interaction is required, it is after all a numbers game, it's like trying to scale Mount Everest in a mankini. It's bloody hard.

I was always shy as a kid and to combat that I 'created' a persona, and anyone who briefly meets me would say I'm loud, amusing and confident. It's all an act, and anything more than a brief encounter I start to struggle. People who know me just think I'm anti-social through choice, because that's what I tell them.

I paid an escort for her time a few years ago to finally rid myself of this affliction but I couldn't do it, I couldn't get an erection and spent the entire time talking to her. I'd told her of my issues beforehand so it was nice to be able to be honest with her. She was very sweet and a single mum. It was an expensive conversation!

Sorry OP, I can't offer any help, I'll probably be in the same position when I get to your age.

Thank you again for your replies everyone. Early start for me again tomorrow so I need to get some shut eye. I shall try to look in again some time tomorrow .

Dastardley, I hope you find happiness. Maybe drop the loud, amusing, confident act? Plenty of women are looking for quiet nice guys

Vienna, I agree, you do sound lovely and are probably misconstrued I imagine?

I am also afflicted with a short attention span, unless it's something I really like!

Dastardly, you sound lovely too!

Op

As a late starter myself I can understand , id never even been kissed till few years back.
But I think somewhere up the thread it says something about some girls go for the quiet ones.

Just to explain a few years back I was in a relationship with this loud outgoing man ,it ended sadly but I tried line dating
Chatted to this man, who was my exes neighbour and didn't realise it at time , he had spoken to me each time we passed and he said he'd always liked me.
We went on a date and he was great and the kiss at end it was knock your socks of time.
he was a virgin and I regret not seeing him again , we text now and again tho.

What I'm trying to say is there will be a girl who will understand and well it doesn't have to be like in films In fact being brutally honest it can be a disaster at times so please relax and go out meet people x

I probably shouldn't go into this for fear of offering Online Titillation, but I've had quite a lot to do with virgins. They seem to find me somehow - I must look like a safe pair of hands. Anyway, my point is that most times apart from a little nervousness, they were absolutely fine. One was better at stuff than more experienced chaps I've known.

So don't think that it's an obstacle, particularly. It's just something you haven't done yet, like climbing Everest in a mankini. (Though I know which I would prefer).

Well, I'm really not sure how I'm going to proceed, if at all. I certainly have more to read and plenty to think about in the meantime.

Appreciations for your help everybody .

Online dating is your friend. Try OKCupid? Less scary than POF but still free. If nothing else , you'll get lots of practice at going for drinks and making small talk, and at best you might actually meet someone lively! I do think it would work for you as you come across very well in writing, which is half the battle. I speak from experience: DP and I met on OKCupid (both of us are antisocial buggers) but we just clicked - we wrote 30,000 words to each other in the week leading up to our first date and I was half in love with him before we even met. Now have DS and are getting married this summer. I had no faith or interest in online dating prior to him and my profile was one set up as a joke by a friend .

Lovely, not lively. But maybe lively too...

Nice story Sneakret. Thankyou.

Muddy matches is also quite good if you're of the country / outdoor type person rather than a city lover.

TBH I'm extremely wary of this internet-computing business. You're fairly well putting your personal destiny in the hands of a machine. Furthermore, my sister met her husband via a dating agency and he's a right tool .

Should be internet-computer dating.