What would you think if you saw a 47yr old man was dating a 24yr old woman?

[SimileMilly]

Just that really. Both completely single. I'm the 24yr old. Own my own home, decent stable job, not reliant on anybody for anything nor will I ever be after being screwed over in the past. We have similar interests, enjoy each other's company, seem to just click. Am I mad to even consider wanting to date him?!

Not read the thread in full but this was me 10 years ago. we got married but he then became very controlling and emotionally abusive. he hated that I was young and into going out with my friends and refused to play the role he felt I ought to as little wifey at the kitchen sink. I was same after we married as before but he flipped completely. we are now in process of a very messy divorce so whilst I wouldn't vat an eyelid as a stranger if you were a friend I would be warning you of the pitfalls

As the Mum to a daughter your age.. it would worry me considerably. I know some big age gaps work out fine, but I suspect more don't. My own grandparents had a 20 year age gap..which was fine when he was 40, not so much fun when he got early onset dementia and Gran had to give up her teaching career to care for him.

And even with perfect good health, there is something unsettling about a 47 year old who is still footloose..no home, no real income, the permanent juvenile. He would be retired (and believe me retired middle aged men can be grump sods ..I should know!) and you still working full time...

I'd be genuinely upset if my daughters came home with a partner that much older. I'd be nice, and welcoming... but I would hope it was temporary, because I think there are too many difficulties many years down the line..for most.

I think that's the thing. If my daughter came home in 20ish years time with a man so much older than her I would be so disappointed for her. And a hypocrite.

I guess I'll just see where anything goes. Not go out of my way to ask him out, but not put any barriers up if he asks me if that makes sense? In all honesty I really don't think I want a serious relationship just now. Not with him and not with anybody. But I do want some fun and I suppose if we are both open and honest from the start it can't really go wrong, can it?!

Thanks so much for all your thoughts. Everything seems a little clearer in my head now and I'm thinking the age thing might not be the only reason I'm stalling over what to do.

I'd probably have the usual assumptions. But I wouldn't invest too much time thinking about it, to be honest.

Unless it was my daughter, and I'd hope she didn't get too serious.

Seriously, I know I shouldn't judge but I would.
I would hate my DD to be with someone the same age as her Dad, it just seems wrong.
I'm sure people do have successful relationships with that sort of gap but I would be sad if it were DD.
But at the end of the day it is your choice and as her Mum I'd keep my thoughts to myself (and her Dad).

Not so much about the age necessarily, but his situation. He is 47, with no house, no car, no proper job, no money. What has he got to offer you? You have everything - you're very, very young (for him), own house, car, money (compared to him), a child - you have your life together. I think he's become a tedious cocklodger within a very short amount of time. He has so much to gain from this relationship, and so very little to give (hence his friends' comments about the big penis).

Yes men your age may be in a similar situation, the difference is, those men will sort themseves out within a few years, and be 30 year olds with a (at least rented) house, car, job etc. They won't still have nothing going for the at 47 and possibly be in a position to end up leeching off you - financially and in terms of energy, organisation, space etc.

Trust is a big thing for everybody. This is not the only nice man on earth!! Most of them are nice. And many will even have their shit together by much younger than 47!

*he'd, sorry.

I think you're mad yes!! but don't let me stop you. YOu'll find out on your own!

Don't have children with him. NO harm in a fling though. enjoy while it lasts but don't embroil your life with his because it'll be so hard to get out of it then.

As for the "he could outlive you comments" fgs, are you really cheered up by that thought"? that if you live to be only 60 he'd be 83. Well that's a cheerful thoguht.

omg I know I should have read tft but he's 47 with no house, no car, no proper job?

I'd say he's delighted to have found a sugar daughter.

I'm glad you've reconsidered and realised that it's not just about age, but it concerns me that you are being so passive and considering just having some fun with it.

Why bother? You're wasting your time and his. And if you get pregnant it will be very hard to walk away. He might fall in love with you and then it will be harder and hurting him at the same time. Save yourself for the marriage material or stay single. Focus on who really is available, there's plenty of them about, especially at your age!

And listen to the wise words of women way past your age.

I would be curious why a sorted young mum with her whole life ahead of her would want to get involved with someone who is dossing at a friends house at the age of 47 and whose scrotum is probably hanging around his knees by now.

On the surface, I'd probably shrug and wonder whether you were father and daughter, and then realise you were partners. however, based on your further posts, I would run for the hills . You say, The housing situation does bother me somewhat, but then a lot of men my age (that I know anyway) are in a similar situation - but these men you know are in their 20s!! He is 47.
I'm 41 - does the thought of being with a 64 year old appeal? No, not at all. And, I would have to say, it wouldn't be what I would hope for for my daughter.
I know that sounds judgy, and I'm surprised at myself, really, but that is, honestly, how I feel.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do anyway.

I wouldn't care about the age difference from your side but I do wonder what a 47 year old wants with someone your age and why a 47 year old has nothing to his name. I bet he will eventually come away with the line that he is a free spirit and doesn't want to be tied down. By that time you will be a lot poorer and wasted precious years of your life waiting for him to "change".

If think ' have fun but make sure he's long gone before you're 30 and don't marry him'

The biggest age gap I know is thirty years; the relationship has been going several years, both parties are vv happy.

I suppose people do the odd double take, but I don't think anyone 'judges' either of them.

As a PP said, the main issue what he's like a a person: you don't really want to end up supporting a perpetual student coming up for retirement as well as small child, do you?

The age difference seems to bother you already otherwise you wouldn't be asking.

Just go with how you feel op.

The only time it creeps me out is if they are under age living at home. Just seems like pedo stuff. I never could date a younger man and Then I started to like someone way younger and it wasn’t physical it was his mind. Trust me I can have any man any age and it isn’t for my looks. It’s cool to be attracted to someone’s mind at any age. Sorry if this answer didn’t relate.

The age gap? Well each to his own, I would however be curious what he did before Uni, is he a perpetual student or just someone retraining because of a change of circumstance etc? Whilst it might not matter to some, you sound quite a ‘together’ young lady and it may bother you further down the line if he simply isn’t.

I wouldn't do it. 47 looked ancient when I was 24.

But, it's your life. Do what makes you happy, until it stops making you happy :)

Each to their own.
You do what you want.
But... for me it's really really 'icky'
If my daughter came home in a couple of years and told me she was seeing a 50 year old, I would be very unhappy.
That's just me though.
We are all different.
Just remember, if you get together and actually fall for him, when he is 65 you will be 42!!!!!
I'm 50 and wouldn't date anyone older than 55.
I've tried but they all just seem 'old'

Who really cares what people think, if he makes you happy and your both consenting adults whats the harm. If you need other peoples approval to make decisions , further down the line you are going to be filled with loads of regrets.

@SimileMilly Talking from me, as I am 27 and my DP of 8 years is 52 I definitely say go for it!! He definitely doesn't look his age or act it for that matter We own a house together, both successful in our careers, he has 2 children from a previous marriage and I have non and don't want any and we are perfectly happy. When I met him I had no intention of being in a serious relationship with him but when you know you know I guess. He is 2 years older than my dad too and at first my dad was a little weary but now they get on so so well :D Age is just a number right?

@hellhavenofury

Age is only just a number when you have your whole life in front of you, and when the man you are with is still strong and healthy

zombie three and a half year old thread.