What would you think if you saw a 47yr old man was dating a 24yr old woman?

[SimileMilly]

Just that really. Both completely single. I'm the 24yr old. Own my own home, decent stable job, not reliant on anybody for anything nor will I ever be after being screwed over in the past. We have similar interests, enjoy each other's company, seem to just click. Am I mad to even consider wanting to date him?!

I'd assume he was your dad, if I saw you out together.

From what you've said he sounds pretty immature, tbh. I worry that if you're the one that's got her shit together his endless lack of responsibility will pall after a while.

As for a relationship with this age gap - well its up to you and plenty of people are in big age gap relationships - but as others have said I think it will make a big difference as you age. When you're 40 he will be 64 - in other words you'll be in the prime of your life while he'll be about to retire. The age gap doesn't seem that great right now because the life he's living (renting, eternal student), probably isn't all that different from a lot of guys your own age. I can see you carrying him financially and then spending the middle part of your life caring for him.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a father figure btw, though you say you don't, well that's fine too. Only thing is for those who do, that one day you may find you no longer need or want to have a father figure and that is when it might fall apart.

Those are my thoughts/experiences on that.

A 47 yr old student, no home, no car? You're welcome to him ;)

Personally i think whatever makes you happy. People will always judge but let them tbh.

I did once have a couple of dates with a guy in his late 40s when I was around 26 you would of never known his age to look at him although enjoyed his company we both agreed we wanted different things and he felt uncomfortable that i was into same music and fashion etc as his teenage daughters

I would presume he's your father, that you are a trophy, that you could be a step grandmother before you're 30, that you're going to struggle on quiet nights in when he's asleep on the sofa by 7:30pm, that he won't have the patience with your child, that if you have another he'll be getting on for 50...

I've been there, mine was 20 years older and I struggled a lot towards the end, mine was an EA alcoholic arsehole though.

In your favour you are emotionally the same age I suppose, and a date isn't a marriage! Cons would be the possibility of a relationship and his 'flakiness' (permanent student, nowhere to live etc) would not be ideal for your child.

Btw, I'm 47 and in a very happy relationship but wouldn't dream of dating a 24 yr old if single

My first reaction is that he must be rich, well hung, or both!

My second reaction would be that you are both free adults to do what you want.

I'd go for it! (Unless it's my arse wipe nearly ex husband who is 49 and the biggest cunt in the world and will totally screw you over.) otherwise fill your boots

Sorry just seen you said 47 so yes go for it

Date him by all means, but be careful. And don't let him get his hands on any of your financial security.

My FIL started dating a girl 23 years younger than himself when he was 42. They had great fun for ten years, and then things started to go sour - they split when she was 35.

She wasted her fertile years on him, although if you already have a child then this doesn't apply to you.

My FIL died of cancer a few months ago - his ex GF was at the funeral. She is a young woman still at 46, and the look on her face was one of pure relief that she hadn't had to be the one to care for him.

If you get on well, go for it!

I have friends with a 25 year age gap - they are very happy together.

A lot depends on whether or not he has a "young" attitude. My friend has a great sense of humour and loves socialising and at 60 is much more fun than a lot of 30 year olds. On the other hand I have known people in their 20s who act like pensioners.

If everything else seems right don't let birth date stop you going for it. Good luck and enjoy!

One thing I have learnt about getting older is that you don't really get older as such in your head. Of course you have experiences and your outlook changes but in many ways you are still the same person you were years ago, so I am not surprised that someone can be attracted to someone younger and vice versa.
I fell in love at 20 and probably would have married him if I could but he had a tragic accident and died at 20. We can keel over at any age or something awful can happen. You have to grab life now.
Someone upthread said they would worry about him not having got it together. I think the fact he is studying and pursuing what he is interested in and living the life he chooses, not the one society has mapped out for him, could well mean he does have it together in his head. He is not in a job he hates for the money.
Who knows if you'll get on in years to come. Couples the same age split up for all sorts of reasons. Keep your independence and don't let anyone boss you around and you should be ok. Go for it. Be happy.

There's 27 years between me and my husband, together 4 years married 2 and baby on the way. I'm 31. He presents as a 40 something to me. I do worry about the age gap sometimes in terms of the future but have no regrets whatsoever as I love him he loves me and we are perfect for each other. I would rather live this life than one without him because of fear of others opinions (never had any odd looks or comments except some elderly ladies at his dad's funeral) or the future. Hth

I feel for my mum. She is mid 50's, juggling trying to run the house on her wage with caring for elderly parents and elderly husband. Her friends are waving kids off to uni and going on cruises. My mum is looking for a 3 bed bungalow so she can care for them under one roof.

So no, I wouldn't get into a LTR with someone that much older. However a short term fling or dating then go for it!

For any decision I would say to trust your own judgement and be self-aware at the same time You say you were screwed over in the past for example and you sound very self-reliant and proud to be independent. So, leaving the age aside for a second, what does this man with no job, no car and no place of his own represent and what do you want to get out of dating him? Is it fun, friendship and companionship? Is he a 'fixer-upper'? Does he appear to be the opposite of whomever it was that screwed you over?

I find it a bit odd and I would wonder how it came about.

If I think of people 24 years older they seem a lot older if you see what I mean. I have close friends who are much older - they are fun, clever and lively but I still find them older

I wonder what his dating history is like?

If it were one of my DD involved I would be sorry (but I wouldn't say anything). I know it can work out but it a biggish age difference when you are so young. Maybe, if you were older, it wouldn't seem such a gap.

I would think the same if the sexes were reversed. I most definitely wouldn't be thinking 'you go girl' if the man was much younger.

I wonder why you asked? It's not a hugely shocking age difference and you are old enough to make you own decisions.

If you do date then take things very slowly and see how it goes. Don't move in together too soon. Btw I would that advice regardless of any age difference.

Nothing wrong with an age gap.

But he sounds like a man child or potential cocklodger.

I've always gone for older men (but more like 15 years age gap) but I'm rethinking a bit after having the possible future shown to me.

I was in the pub and got chatting to a chap who I saw as 'a nice old gentleman' who I guess is in his mid-seventies. It turned out he is the husband of a lady I've been out cycling with, who is still very active, fit and energetic and must be twenty years younger than him.

This made me realise that me, early thirties, being in a relationship with a man in his late forties is absolutely fine now, but how will I feel if, years down the line, my husband is an old man with limited mobility etc. while I'm still wanting to be active, go on long walks, explore new places etc. By the time I retire, he wouldn't be at the same stage of thinking 'great, now let's go and explore the world'.

But actually, OP, the thing that rings alarm bells for me is that at 47 he hasn't settled down in a career and got himself sorted. I reckon you won't be dating for very long before the differences in your approach to life starts to grate on you. It sounds to me as though you're far more mature than he is.

Music and wine are fun things to bond over when dating, but if this goes further they won't bridge the gap in your life expectations.

I would think that you deserve someone as fit and and as put-together as you are yourself.

You are opposites not just in terms of age, but also in tackling life's responsibilities: you have a child, a job and a house, and he is a 47 yo student in a flatshare without assets. I would fear that you will just be acquiring one more burden to take care of. You clearly have immense capacity to shoulder such burdens. Make sure that a grown-ass adult doesn't become one of them.

I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 50 this year so I wouldn't judge but I would wonder whether you've had the same thoughts and issues as me.

I would advise to just take it very slowly.

I think an age gap can be fine. But I would be worried that he potentially has a huge amount to gain from his relationship with you. I would enjoy it, but be very very wary of allowing him to move in or rush things. Watch out for warning signs, such as early declarations that he loves you, that you are perfect together or that he wants to move in or marry you within a few months. You have obviously worked hard to make an independent life for you and your dd so hang onto that. It may sound cynical, but outwardly lovely and charming people who just want to get a foot in the door really do exist, and it can seem very real and wonderful at the beginning. Just be a bit wary.

Peppermint does it not bother you that your child will likely lose their father before they even make it to adulthood?

I can't see that he has got anything to offer you whatsoever. You are a much better catch than him.

What has he done over the last 30 years? Why is he a student now, has he actually had long term relationships in the past, why has he no money?
(30 years of only looking after no1 would normally mean a pot of savings).

Not saying don't get to know him more. Just that I'd be curious to know more about how he got to where he is.

I would be very clear about the relationship, as somebody to share evenings out going to the cinema, restaurants, bars etc etc i'd say go for it if you have the same tastes in common

However i'd be wary about getting into a serious relationship with somebody who wasn't financially solid at 47. I work FT and earn a decent salary but if I was in the market for a life partner i'd want somebody who matched my income/financial level as nowadays you need a combined income or one person earning >100K to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle