What would you think if you saw a 47yr old man was dating a 24yr old woman?

[SimileMilly]

Just that really. Both completely single. I'm the 24yr old. Own my own home, decent stable job, not reliant on anybody for anything nor will I ever be after being screwed over in the past. We have similar interests, enjoy each other's company, seem to just click. Am I mad to even consider wanting to date him?!

You seem to have the typical life-style of a 47 years old and he seems to have the typical life-style of a 24 years old. So this could be the basis of your mutual attraction. His own situation would worry me. You may be attracted by someone who is leading a life that matches your age, but this is not going to be the case for much longer.
Still, I would give it a go and enjoy it.

100k for a comfortable life!!!!! Seriously?

I must be destitute

I'm afraid I wouldn't think you'd made a good choice, particularly given your description of him.

You sound really mature and sorted. You're responsible for your child despite still being so young.

He, on the other hand, isn't sorted at all, is he? Forty seven is really old to be living in a mate's house and not working full time. If I were your mum (my daughter is your age) I would worry that you would end up being the one who pays for everything while he swans around doing whatever he wants.

One thing to ask him, maybe, is whether he would consider going out with a 70 year old? That is the same age difference the other way. Have a guess at his answer then ask why you should do the same.

I've known him around 6yrs. When I first met him he owned his own flat and had a good job. I moved away for a few years and when I moved back here he had been made redundant and sold his flat and moved in to care for his dying father. I then moved away again and in that time I graduated and had my daughter. Cut to now, I moved back to my hometown about a year ago when I was offered this job and left my abusive ex. Bought a house here and got settled. I ran into him at the train station one morning not long after we moved back and that's when he told me he'd gone back to uni to retrain. He's doing a masters AFAIK and tutors/writes freelance. The housing situation does bother me somewhat, but then a lot of men my age (that I know anyway) are in a similar situation. I really appreciate all of your thoughts on this and I'm so glad not to have been flamed straight out!

On what basis did you know him previously? Because the gap between an 18 year old and a 41 year old is huge. Huge.

Can't you just be friends with him and leave dating out of it? Is he putting pressure on you?

I would think no, there's no future in it. There will be a million others out there you can share your interests with.

Think of the long term and remember that every step you take now will affect the long term. If you see him a lot, your child will become bonded and attached (as you will, obviously) which will make it harder to leave. The age gap will always be there and he will soon be described as Grandad by your childrens friends.

For every moment you spend with this man you are excluding the opportunity of happiness with another man who be just right for you.

If you don't get on with men your age (not saying you don't but if that is the case) you should consider why that may be.

The fact that you're questioning this and not in his bed right now means that it's not true love anyway. You have doubts, it's not a good sign whatever the reason for those doubts - so trust your instincts.

X post - I now see you were in an abusive relationship. This is probably affecting your judgment of this man. He sounds nice, caring for his father, etc etc but most men are like that, young and old, most men are kind and good it might be that you're seeing him as special due to your experience with your ex and having low expectations?

I really would stay well away for a while, I'm sure you'll find someone else soon enough.

Yes, a lot of men your age will be living in similar situations, but they are 23 years younger than this man. That's a huge, huge difference.

If you and he become serious, there will be no other option for him than for him to move in with you. If it goes wrong, what happens then?

Think again about what I said about the difference between 24 and 47 is the same as the difference between 47 and 70. Would you want to be with someone who's 70 when you're 47?

You should also consider that you are preventing him from meeting Mrs Right as well. There could be a lovely ideal partner for him that he might never meet because he's with you.

I guess it depends on your definition of comfortable and where in the country you live. In our London household we have a combined income of just over 100K, mortgage is about £1500 a month, 1 foreign holiday a year plus a couple of UK ones, kids at state school, shopping at Lidl and Tesco. Savings nothing to write home about, as I say a comfortable life but not an affluent one with ponies, private schools and investments

That was directed to talbotinthesky in case anyone was wondering

if i saw an age gap like that, id probably be thinking there must be a reason he is not with someone his own generation. Like being a dropout, or maybe over-valuing young looks or attitude. You so rarely see it the other way round. A 47year old woman with such a young man, because of the power dynamics. Old man with young girl, because so many mens ultimate goal is to be with as young a woman as they can get. Proves their virility or something, and the fact a mans worth isnt based on his youthful appearance.

Thats what id be thinking, although not knowing either of you, you could be the exception, but it is still so clichéd.

Plus men die younger than women usually anyway, so having a man who is already more than 20 years older, is one thing when youre 24, but when youre still just 44 and hes nearer 70, and youd likely be a widow before you were 50

Albabs I find that an insulting assumption. My dh is in fantastic fitness and health. You really would think he was in his 40s. I accept that could change in the future but there's nothing to suggest it would based on his or his familys history. We have support from his family inc his adult children. I feel very blessed.

My dh is a widower and his dw was older than him (death not age related). Maybe that's one reason why he was drawn to a younger woman (me) I don't really know. I never went for older men prior to him. We have a fantastic connection

I'm getting a little upset by some of the assumptions on here so will bow out now.

I think that's a massive age gap. My dad was only eight years older than my mum but he got old in terms of lifestyle and attitudes a REALLY long time before she did, plus experienced chronic ill health.

I think if your heart was really saying YES you wouldn't be hesitating. Wait - there's no reason to rush into making a decision and "running out of reasons not to date" someone just doesn't cut it.

I'm with you Peppermint- some of the comments on here are pretty appalling.

There's a 14 year gap between DP and me, and we have a 14 month old. He is the best dad anyone could ask for, he is most definitely "up for trips to legoland or the zoo" (probably more so than me!) and the idea that he might need to stop for a nap part way round is just ridiculous.

As for the risk of DS losing his dad at a young age - yes it's a possibility, but equally I know of a 38 year old man who recently died of an undiagnosed brain rumour, leaving behind a wife and 3 young children. You never know what's around the corner, but DS is utterly smitten with his dad and am pretty sure he wouldn't swap him for a younger model.

its a tthread asking what would people think. Its not unsolicited criticism.
Generally most people who arent involved would barely give any of your relationships a passing thought.
When asked directly, or on a thread asking a question, you do often get different views.

Well I wouldn't based on your description. His age is part of the reason but not the main reason.
But I wouldn't judge.

Would he be prepared to take on a 3 year old?
By the time your child goes to uni he will be at retirement age
How would he fit into your social circle?
How would you fit into his?

I think someone who is 47 who has no job, house, car and is at uni would make me run for the hills. I don't think he would be able find a partner his own age and that's why he's looking for someone a lot younger.
He sounds awful sorry, please find someone else you sound really nice. If it was my dd I would be worried.

I also think it's selfish of him to try and hook up with you. Fair enough if he had things going on but he seems lost to me and that's not your problem. He should find someone with similar problems closer in age.

My father's partner is 6 months older than me. No one's ever looked twice or thought anything of it, or been anything other than pleased they're happy together.

the gap between an 18 year old and a 41 year old is huge

^^.

DD is 18. I would be horrified to think that she might casually meet someone more than twice her age that she would be getting together with in six years time. How did you know him then, OP?

24 and 47 is also a really large age gap.

DH is 10 years older than me, which seemed nothing when we were both working but now that he has retired and is entering a different phase of life, I am more aware of the age gap and it is not straightforward. For you, this would happen in around 15 years if you get together with this man.

I'd get all wistful and remember dating a 45 year old when I was 24.

I know a couple of similar ages. They are married with two kids. They seem a very happy family. I won't judge.