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Original poster

What would you think if you saw a 47yr old man was dating a 24yr old woman?

145 replies

SimileMilly · 12/03/2015 20:50

Just that really. Both completely single. I'm the 24yr old. Own my own home, decent stable job, not reliant on anybody for anything nor will I ever be after being screwed over in the past. We have similar interests, enjoy each other's company, seem to just click. Am I mad to even consider wanting to date him?!

OP posts:
Lambzig · 12/03/2015 21:43

I would think it's none of my damn business.

Seriously, go with your heart, life is too short to be worrying about what others think, or what might happen in 20 years.

Just make sure your goals and what you both want are the same.

PegLegAntoine · 12/03/2015 21:49

Age... Meh. DH is 18yrs older than me and we have been together for 12 now, very very happy with 2 DCs (I also have 3 DSCs, who I'm closer to in age! We get on brilliantly and are a very close family), we've been through some horrible times together (he got an injury, I got a disabling illness - we've both had to care for each other) and are stronger than ever. I honestly don't even think about the age gap til I see it mentioned like on this thread.

The lack of 'getting his act together' would put me off massively though, it's horribly prejudiced of me perhaps but somehow it is even more unattractive in someone older! DH admittedly had to start his career over for various reasons so financially we aren't great but he's a doer not a dosser IYSWIM, very mature and 'together' while being incredibly fun and youthful, he's pragmatic etc. None of that man child crap here, wouldn't stand for it no matter what age.

Honestly if you just want a fun relationship then why the hell not have one with someone older.

morethanpotatoprints · 12/03/2015 21:52

I saw a couple like this a few months ago and at first, sorry but I thought it was her Dad.
However, soon the body language gave it away, and they looked so happy together and sort of suited.
they were shopping and she was definitely leading him into some fashion wear. Grin

So I say go for it and sod what others think, say, or judge.

MarinasSong · 12/03/2015 21:52

I agree just go for it, and what people think should be the least of your concerns (in any situation really - it's only rude people who pre-judge the relationships of others)

I would say that you should probably be as wary as you should be in any other dating situation you entered: enjoy the time you spend dating and getting to know each other and also considering if he would be a good partner (and I don't mean as in "look at the age") but as in don't just turn him into an instant boyfriend. Especially as you have a child.

If you think you've been "screwed over" in the past - I mean this kindly - do try to make sure you've worked through what red flags in relationships are and so you don't just see a new relationship (with anyone, be they younger, older, or same age) as a Fix-All situation with The One but are able to identify and retreat from unhealthy relationships.

PeppermintPasty · 12/03/2015 21:53

Well, your age gap has five years on my parents'. There was 19 years between them and they were together for 51 years til dad died a few years ago. Just do it, say yes to good things.

Eekaman · 12/03/2015 23:14

Carpe Diem.

:) Why not?

blueberrypie0112 · 12/03/2015 23:17

I don't have a problem. (The only problem I would have if i ever came across a guy leaving a wife for a younger woman)

Kiwiinkits · 12/03/2015 23:24

Love comes in lots of forms. It's just dating. Try him out for size.

RandomFriend · 13/03/2015 00:06

You: Own house, nice car, financially stable, decent job in management…

Him: Renting a room in a mate's house. Drives but doesn't have his own car.

You are not well-matched financially. Be careful, OP.

ihatemyphone99 · 13/03/2015 00:10

Yes because nice cars is what really matters in life.

Hmm

Don't bother op. All sounds like far too much anxiety on your part and you haven't even been on a date.

RandomFriend · 13/03/2015 00:44

I don't care about cars, it was the housing situation that seemed a big discrepancy to me. Several posters have pointed out something similar.

ByeByeButterfly · 13/03/2015 00:53

Honestly?

Initial reaction? - what do they have in common?then I'd think many things could've brought them together.

Then I hope they are happy together.

bunchoffives · 13/03/2015 00:58

You could date but I wouldn't get together long-term although I bet he won't let such an incredible find as you go easily

In the next 5-10 years he'll turn into someone middle-aged, possibly grumpy, slowing down, possibly starting to get ailments (and obsessing about them)

All this just as you are getting into your stride. It would be incredibly frustrating and you might feel you'd wasted your youth.

ihatemyphone99 · 13/03/2015 01:04

Random - it wasn't you. this 'I've got a management job, my own home and a nice car (subjective)' on threads all the time is annoying. as if they mark you out as a great person, above those that don't.

ConstanceMoan · 13/03/2015 03:04

The offensive ageist remarks on this thread are just awful. He's only 47 FFS!

FeijoaSundae · 13/03/2015 03:16

In theory, I judge large age gaps, I can't help it, it just do. I judge freely.

In practice though, if the couple seem happy, well-matched, compatible, in love, good friends, well ... whaddaya gonna do?

If it was my Dad dating someone younger than me, I'd just continue to judge.

Hurr1cane · 13/03/2015 05:43

I'm 27, DP is 41. No one has asked if I'm his daughter. I look young for my age (get asked if my 9 year old is my brother and always get IDd for everything) but so does he. Not the IDd but so much but he doesn't look that much older than me.

I don't notice the age gap. Or I didn't until I found out my stepmum is younger than him Shock but she's a lot younger than my dad.

I'm happy. I don't really care, no ones ever said anything.

Hurr1cane · 13/03/2015 05:44

Well no ones said anything apart from his mates, who are the same age as him, joking that he must have a big penis.

No one assumes I'm after his money because he has none Grin

paxtecum · 13/03/2015 06:59

Just make sure he doesn't turn into a cocklodger.
Ie You earn all the money and he leeches off you.

Why is he at uni?
Does he plan to get a job and earn money in the future?

What did he do before uni?

Trickydecision · 13/03/2015 07:13

If you both are happy and he is affectionate towards your DD, go for it.

However, if it works out, inevitably you will come across some spiteful people, like the Mumsnetter who told me my 42 year old son was 'revolting' and a 'near paedophile' because his GF was 23. I have not seen that person's name on your thread and it is good to see most posters are kind and positive.

Good luck.

PuellaEstCornelia · 13/03/2015 07:19

I'd think - there's a 24 year old going out with a 47 year old.
If you haven't even gone on a first date, it's a bit early to worry about him keeling over or whether he wants children...
Of course, if it gets serious, you would have to have those conversations, same as with anyone else.

Sazzle41 · 13/03/2015 07:21

Nothing wrong with an older man. But....donsider:

Will he want kids/sleepless nights etc or has he got his own you will have to play step mum too? When you are hitting your prime he will be slowing down and the age gap will then start to show re interests/values/long term plans & goals. Will he be ok with probably taking a back step while you carry on or exceed him career wise or financially.

He is a mature student? Why so late ? Is he retraining for new career or just an eternal student who likes that lifestyle and wont commit to house/job/family? When he socialises with your friends he may well feel out of it (my own exp of dating way older men, it was fine til they met my circle then they felt geriatric and left out as my friends werent as mature as i was).

Rebecca2014 · 13/03/2015 07:22

As a 25 year old I would judge but you are unlikely to care about other people opinion anyway. Its up to you how you live.

My daughter 22 years younger than me and I wouldn't be happy if this was her 20 years from now! actually I be gutted but I hope that never happens..

PatterofaMinion · 13/03/2015 07:44

Hi OP

I don't have a problem with the age difference. I have a very old friend who I have known since school and he is now 41 and dating a 26 year old, which is almost as big a difference. They have been happily together for about 3 years now. He also has a low paid job and isn't ambitious however he is honest and I know that she can trust him, from the perspective of someone who has known him for 25 years.

However in one of your posts you state you 'trust' this man, and I am wondering how well you know him and how long you have known him for.

Trust isn't an instinct. It is a certainty, or an almost certainty, built from knowing someone a long time.

You may feel you could trust him, at this stage though you do not know that for sure as he has not had the chance to earn your trust.

This matters. It sounds like you are making a case for the relationship before knowing what he is really, really like for a little while. I mean building him up in your head, from the little info you have. You really want him to be this lovely man you can trust. At the moment though, you shouldn't rely on that. Please get to know him first. Take it slowly, have some dates, but don't trust him until you have been with him for a while.

I have made this mistake continually throughout my life and ended up with men I thought seemed perfect, started to build my life around, and then realised I was making it up in my head and in reality, I had no idea of their true nature or past or real lives before I met them.

Cue revelations and instant cessation of relationship, unfortunately after I had already decided I was going to marry one of them and was pregnant.

All based on 'knowing' him for a few months.

Be really careful. Just get to know him and THEN decide.

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 13/03/2015 07:48

Dating, sure, why not. Marriage would be more questionable but that's a bridge for another time.

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