Hi there, long-time lurker and was going to post about a relationship break-up, but had to add to this wonderful thread, which resonates so much with me. I was abused by an extended family member, and my grandfather (his brother) abused many of my friends and cousins. When my parents realised my abuse (I was 3-4 years old) they got the abuser out of my life, but in an indirect way. They believed it best not to speak about it to me, but I grew up with feelings of shame and blame I didn't understand (I had blocked it out) until cousins and friends reported their abuse by my grandfather to me when I was 12, which triggered my buried memories. I went to my mother who met the victims and their parents and said she'd go to police but they didn't want that.
I carried the feelings of feeling shame and being and different and inferior to others for many years, but thanks to chatting with friends who have experience or work in the area, and two years of counselling with a very patient and gentle therapist, I have come out the other end. I feel for people who are still in the middle of suffering, I have been where you are and there is hope and light to come.
I still bear the scars and loss of innocence, but no longer feel dirty or ashamed, just that something happened to me that was not my fault and was not dealt with in the best way at the time.
I believe the silence surrounding my abuse for many years did more damage than the actual abuse itself, and if God forbid it happened to a child of a friend of mine I would urge them to go to the police (don't stop to think) and talk, talk, talk to the child about it - it's not their fault, they are not to blame. Silence and awkwardness are what allows abuse to be perpetuated. I chatted to my mum recently about all this and I was saddened that she suggested medication only as a way of dealing with/blocking out my issues, but I think she came around eventually to the idea of working through things through talk therapy, along with medication if necessary, as a tougher but ultimately more long-lasting way of dealing with this.
I spoke to a friend recently who had been through similar, and is now dealing with a child who is being miss-treated by it's mother (who has her own issues). She was saying she sometimes felt hopeless, the way we treat loved-ones and children, but I told her that what gives me hope is people like ourselves and on this thread who have recognised the cycle of abuse and are trying our best to deal with it, shine a light on it, heal and break the inter-generational cycle.