Dating Thread 89

[Docmartensanddungarees]

Candle light and soul forever
A dream of you and me together
Say you believe it, say you believe it

Free your mind of doubt and danger
Be for real, don't be a stranger
We can achieve it, we can achieve it

Come a little bit closer
Baby, get it on, get it on
'Cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1

Scrambled

He doesn't even think its offensive.

Wasn't he the guy who you thought was after sex? Once you met he said it was all bravado saying it was not how he spoke to women normally.

I can't stress this enough Id block him.

I don't think I'd say anything to him Scrambled, he might like being told off, and he's hardly going to learn a lesson.

Well ladies, he has officially been blocked. After only getting a "lol" and not even an apology that has made up my mind. I will see what happens with Mr Teacher on Friday.

Whats- Yes he was the guy I thought was after sex.

Scrambled The first message from mr sunday was bad, disrespectful but the second is worse as you had told him that the first message was off. The fact you went on a date after the first message has made him think he can get away with speaking to you like that and the more you engage he'll think he can continue to take the piss. If you had to reply I'd have went with docs answer

Doc I can't wait for you to start sharing on the thread, let the count down begin to LMN meet

Blossom I'd take that as naughty pics too and even if it's not I wouldn't be sending more pics when there's perfectly fine ones on ther.

Broken I really do think you should stay away from fwb and try and work out what you want.

I've got a meet arranged for tomorrow, just quick coffee. It's with 'wetfish' someone I had been chatting to before and so far so normal

scrambled that happens to me all the time. I have no idea what it means or why they do it but apparently some women must like it or they'd not do it. I am a self-confessed dirty gf and if my bf sent me that when we were in a relationship I'd like it...but after a FIRST DATE? What are they thinking????

Feeling really confused this morning about dating and what to do.

Mr AWOL is away, and we don't know when he is back. He wants to have a "fresh start" when he is back and met up and for now I have not heard from him for a few days.

Mr Ex is still wanting to see me. I am going up for work to where he lives in a couple of weeks and he wants to spend the weekend together. He thinks he wants to get married

I've stopped texting or dating other people until I sort out the situation with both of these in my head.

Mr Ex, I care about a lot, fancy and can tell anything to but I never felt the butterflies and he also drives me mental sometimes.

What I am worried about with Mr AWOL is that we felt such strong chemistry, attraction and liking for each other and then we ruined it with jealousy and bickering and I know he wants to come back for a "fresh start", but can you really do that?

Shall I post his message and see what you all think? I wasn't sure if it was a nice message or sort of condescending?

Oh god another one who is pushing things. Only been messaging for a couple of days and keep bugging for me to call, just non stop.

Go on Britney, would be good to see the message.

Scrambled - Ugh, that's not a good message at all! Who sends that type of stuff?!?! I think blocking was a good idea, the "lol" shows he doesn't even care if you're annoyed (maybe he even likes it) - ugh. The lunch date sounds good.

Blossom - hmmm... that isn't good then that it was literally his first message. I've had a few politely enquire if they can have more pics (but more in a "you're so lovely, I'd like to see more pics" type way) but only after a bit of chatting. I agree with Doc that "more pics" can be code!

Sooo, after my "Mr Sunday and I aren't right for eachother message", he sort of ummm... said he liked me and asked me out again (but he did say the distance might be a problem which I agreed with). I wonder if i the back of my mind I was thinking "are you a bit too good looking, too charismatic for me...?". Even the waitress fancied him! So I picked some minor points and convinced myself we were wrong together. I know I'll have a lovely evening with him and he is really interesting to chat to (and I'm not going to fall madly in love with him immediately) so I've decided to give it another date. I don't really believe in "leagues" in dating but I always seem to end up with men who think I'm out of their league (and that hasn't worked out so well!) so maybe it'd be good to go for someone different for once. So, if I can get a babysitter, we're going out tomorrow .

Britney - yes, post the message. I'd say maybe just let things unfold, see what happens. You don't have to make hard and fast decisions yet. Meet your ex and talk (don't worry about marriage for now!). Leave things for a bit with Mr AWOL and see when he next texts and see if you can arrange a meeting in person. Texting is awful for misunderstandings and hopefully a break will allow things to mellow a bit, it sounds like emotions got too heated for the amount you "knew" each other - meeting irl is so different to texting and even skype etc.

rasp - you may as well give it a 2nd date at least...

Britney

Can I ask you why you're going for a guy that is clearly not available.

All this back and forth over someone you've never met I suspect you never will. If you do. The reality is rarely as good as the fantasy.

As for your ex. Only you know why you're going back to him.

Its dawned on me you may be doing a lot of this unbeknownst to yourself.

Sorry. I felt I had to be to the point I'm not trying to be mean.

OK, so basically the story with Mr AWOL in summary is this..maybe you can give me some advice....

1. met on POF in Jan
2. both have jobs where we travel heaps
3. I was sent away for 6 weeks right before out planned 1st date
4. We kept in close contact, got to know each other very well long distance
5. I noticed he logged onto POF loads and got paranoid / annoyed and blew him off after a month of chatting.
6. He was quite understanding of that (even though I was a dick) and we slowly reconnected but he was definitely much quieter.
7. I came home, he said he could not wait to see me, we had a date booked which he cancelled on the day due to "work".
8. We had another date booked a couple of days later and I cancelled due to him cancelling the first one and not seeming keen enough.
9. He got very upset about me cancelling and we didn't talk for a week

(In that time since we met I have been on two dates and told him upfront about them and he as been on none. We have not met face to face but have video chatted. We're FB friends and I think we know quite a lot about each other but obviously not meeting face to face yet is a huge pressure)

I didn't expect to ever hear from him again and then I got this message out of the blue a few days later....

Right...you and I are gonna kinda start over ok? The timing of all this messed with both of us. We've both had issues with it, but I still want to know you and find out what is happening with us and that's a definite. I'm going away for a few weeks with work. Not sure how long for. Instead of doing this constant text thing and waiting for each other we're gonna uncomplicate it, take the pressure off (in a good way) and I am going to just message you as and when I am on my way home and ask you out for a drink..if you're busy or have met someone then I'm cool with that. I guess you've just seen my stubborn side and it's my down fall...tell me to fuck off too that's fine, I can cry into my drink and I probably deserve that. You've seen my worst sides I guess and I have seen yours and if we both still like each other then maybe that’s actually a good thing. I think these sides of us can be overcome. I have wanted to message you a few times and haven’t, so yes, I guess stubborn. I am quiet doesn't mean anything, ok? Don't read into it. That's just me sometimes. Now...I like how honest you are and you have told me about your dates when you didn't need to, but as much as I appreciate the honesty from you all it does is makes me boil up inside and that thought of someone else with you. I can't / won't ask you to not date anyone else, but what I would like to ask you is to do whatever you have to do while I am away but play dumb with me, ok? If you have dates, that’s cool. I don’t need to know. Just keep your hand over your mouth. Like I said, I don’t want too much pressure on this, in a good way, and if we get on then fucking great. If you don't want to see me when I come home I will understand that too xx

So now he's away, dunno when he will be back, dunno if this can be fixed with a fresh start?

whatsforsupper, I think he is available. We've just gone all messed up due to the "not meeting" thing caused by our jobs and schedules. Of course, after not meeting for so long the fear is that reality doesn't match up on either side, like you said, which has caused all this in the first place. It's quite scary to think "what if he doesn't like me?"

From my end I've talked to him for hours on the phone, interacted with his friends, asked him endless questions and video chatted with him lot of times so I can't see any possibility of not liking him in real life. Just so worried he won't!

Britney

That messages seals it for me.

How would you expect him to behave if you dated or in a relationship?

The way he talks about you dating is rather worrying. There is no way he won't bring up dates once you meet.

Way too much invested into you. Id run a mile.

blossom I got my first lesbian one a few weeks ago too! I was quite flattered and had a little chat with her. She seemed nice, I wished I'd been that way inclined. The ones who pester are quite annoying. Not as bad as the ones who keep copying and pasting the same message to you over and over

Britney I second what's for. He seems a bit of a fantasist and the conversation is way too deep. Who needs this kind of hassle when you haven't even met. He could turn out to be a right tosser(I'd say he is already) yet you're investing so much in him, I'd go look for someone who's available now, plenty of other men out there

Britney

Unless, I am missing something, you are not in a relationship with this guy.

Yes, you talked a lot, yes you seemed to be close, when it came time to meet he blew you off. Then, he had some lame excuse about same.

Trust me on one thing. If he liked you as much as he said he would have met that night. Instead he cancelled. Then he threw his toys out of the pram.

And he's a sulks.

Now he is saying,"hey,ignore me, its just I am passionate". And, he is some how trying to put his crap behavior onto you.

And. He is saying. Hey, I may not text much either, its too intense we can't handle it. So, he's going to rock up in a few weeks and blow you away.

You're buying into this.

I'm shocked you can't see this;/

Yes whatsforsupper, when you put it like that it doesn't sound great..

Britney I think at best he's a drama queen, at worst he is stringing you along.. I have lost count of the number of people I've chatted to through OLD (including sometimes adding on FB and chatting on the phone), only to find that I never do pin them down to meet up, or that we only meet once and I never hear from them again.

I am a complete hypocrite as I've been chatting to LMN for months and still don't know when (maybe even if) we will meet. However, her circumstances really are extenuating and she has never said or done anything that has made my spidey senses tingle.

Well obviously if I'd been in the country I'd have not gone that long chatting without meeting, but I couldn't meet him till I got back. I had expected to be away 3 weeks initially but it turned into just over 6. Quite a long time to be chatting and not ideal.

I think in fairness, it was me who was the drama queen first, so I have made allowances because I did behave badly - and he was patient and relaxed with it.

What supper said is trust though in a lot of ways and he should have moved heaven and earth to see me that first night and when he didn't I guess it just left a bad taste in my mouth that's hard to overcome.

It did come out in our initial chats that he was a very jealous and very stubborn person, but we do all have flaws and I am very jealous myself. I just could not abide by this "toys out the pram" business instead of coming to me and explaining he was finding it hard.

IT is hard to be intimitaly texting someone and knowing they are on date with someone else, so I do get where he was coming from and why it upset him, being honest would have upset me a lot too. I just would not have gone AWOL over it.

Which makes me think...how would he handle conflict in a relationship? Not well?

Britney Mr AWOL seems very direct - the entire tone of his email is TELLING you what will be happening. He then attempts to sort of rectify this by throwing in a couple of bits saying its cool/he understands if you don't want to see him. Well, that's big of him! In all, the tone seems aggressive. You seem to be taking at least half the blame on yourself for the "misunderstandings" when to me they seem to come from his actions/side. I just worry that it shouldn't be this hard. I do understand though when you feel a connection has been made and I know if it was me I'd probably just want to let things play out (but then I probably require a bit much "closure" at times and would be better off walking away). If you do want to let things play out, I think you need to look after yourself, meet in public etc.

And thanks, Super! Yes, figure I may as well give it another go. He is certainly not the average guy you get on a dating site. Plus he could be helpful workwise .

I think that's what I meant by not understanding the tone of it because it did seem like he was telling me what was happening instead of asking what I thought or wanted.

Britney he's exhausting and you haven't even met him. I'd completely forget about him. If he contacts you when he's back and you have nothing else to do then maybe meet him. But in the meantime forget him, he's too much like hard work. This bit should be fun not such a headfuck.

I have had to put all dating on the back burner as my mother is terminally ill. But I live my dating life vicariously through you all