Is splitting the only advice people on here are ever capable of?

[MrsCs]

When someone is being abused, or someone is unfaithful, fine I get it, that's good advice.

On the other hand.....I've only been on this website a short time and every blinking thread about relationship problems gets 'why are you together?' 'what are you getting from this?'.

Relationships are hard work, they have good times and bad times, and it might help if people on here had a bit of creativity with their advice! Separations and divorces are very hard on everyone involved, and if it can be avoided it's most likely for the best, unless a couple are genuinely deeply unhappy.

Clearly there is the split that so many posters on this thread have talked about: women who are in abusive relationships and need to be told to leave (apparently); and women who would like to talk about their complex but not abusive relationship without being harangued to LTB.

Really the Relationships board needs to be thus split, if all this is true.

If you had been here looking for support, I would have supported you.

But you were here to bitch and criticise a community you are not a part of.

Even after you acknowledged that it was incredibly rude to start a thread like this, you continued to make passive aggressive attacks on certain posters.

Trolls often pretend to be ignorant of their rudeness and act as though they have no idea they are being hurtful. It's pretty standard.

I did not deliberately attack anyone, you did. Project all you like but your behaviour was intentionally appalling. At least I apologised when I accidentally caused hurt.

earlier I mentioned a time post-XH when I had started dating again and wanted to know if my radar was off after an argument with my new dp. I was told that I was overreacting and that he seemed normal.

It does seem that some posters only ever read the LTB threads, and miss the rest that are pushed towards counselling and understanding.

Either way, I agree that if you don't agree with something suggested on a thread, offer your alternative. There's no point whinging that no one is saying anything but LTB, if you're not bothering to post either.

Don't criticise those who offer support, if you're not.

You did deliberately attack people

And you didn't apologise for it.

Passive aggression is still aggression.

Chris if you had read any of my responses I have again and again acknowledged that I should have done that and will from now on.

I said sorry for any offence caused, you are choosing to ignore what doesn't fit your argument. Plain and simple you are a bully.

time after time an OP posts about a single incident or argument and it turns out to be the tip of the iceberg

Which brings me back to the point I made about this being a great board for recognising abuse and ending your relationship, but not for anyone just going through the usual down cycle in an otherwise good marriage. Those support threads don't tend to attract as much attention as the board is bias.

I once started a thread saying I was having a rant as we were going through a period of adjustment as I went from SAHM to full time student and DH had to adjust to working normal hours and taking on responsability for things at home as a result. I'm a martyr, he's a misogenist and I should get rid of our pets to give me more time to do most of the housework so he didn't have to according to that thread.

Needless to say, things worked out after the period of adjustment but it understandably took time to change to the new norm.

MrsC, I was responding to didyouwritethe.

Trolls often resort to accusations of bullying though. There's no bullying here. There's people defending those who regularly support the most vulnerable women on here, from having their valuable advice reduced to nothing.

Those support threads don't tend to attract as much attention as the board is bias.

The Board is not biased!

The Board consists of people who read and people who post.

The Board is not responsible for who does and who doesn't.

It begs the question why are you choosing to post here moaning about people posting, and not posting on the threads that don't attract that much attention?

I was referred to as 'its pregnant' bullying, simple. Considering I had already acknowledged being in the wrong and apologised,what benefit was that cruelty? I didn't realise how effective people were at recognising hidden abuse on here and have since been really amazed by that. I was not trolling and didn't deserve being dehumanised simply for being wrong.

The internet encourages polarised responses.

For some the attraction of urging a split is the pleasure of the carnage afterwards in subsequent threads.

Plain and simple you are a bully

No - and neither is she a gaslighter as you accused earlier.

I was going to post responses to your earlier accusations but was on the ipad and the moment has gone.

"Sorry for any offence caused" is a politician's apology.

You were making those disingenuous general apologies whilst continuing to make passive aggressive digs at other posters.

It looked (to others, as well as to me) like you were spoiling for a fight. You got one.

I regret that, because it was a pointless waste of energy. But your behaviour throughout the thread has been vile and dishonest.

It seems somehow worse if you didn't do it just to provoke people.

I think you'll find she used that phrase first and I responded. Clearly you half read the odd post and made wrong impressions. So far the only attack you found was actually by someone you are defending.

Funny how anyone can comment on someone else keeping long hours, when they post themselves in the early hours.

:o

I don't usually keep such long hours, I was waiting up for DH while he watched a film. I am friggin exhausted today.

It was not to provoke anyone and the only person spoiling for a fight is you. With every line you are revealing a determination to utterly bully one person. Even in the face of your behaviour nothing you can say will make me lower myself to your level.

MrsC, I'm afraid you're right that I haven't studied and memorised every post. But you are the op. Starting a thread, attacking people who help others, then claiming to be bullied when that doesn't go down well with people, is all a bit... Disingenuous.

What were you hoping for when you started this? To change the culture of a topic without having to contribute to it yourself? To point out the error of people's ways?

It's great if you have actually learned and will now see the value of posters who are always on here offering support to complete strangers.

I think the OP has a point and I have said this to my wife lots of times. All our kids suffered because of our divorces, all had counselling and some have depression.....the consensus view that divorce does not damage the kids amounts to stupidity. Whilst I think of it, all men are NOT bastards. Even those in failing marriages are NOT bastards.

That being said, I am occasionally humbled at the advice, guidance through dark times and support of people on here who need it desperately, day or night. Complete strangers are looked after......fantastic and those who provide it deserve the thanks of all of us lurkers and posters.

The last thing that needs to happen is for a civil or uncivil war to break out on here.

Lastly, please could we have a new acronym DTB ditch the bitch to even things up? Just a thought......

I haven't claimed bullying from anyone else because other people told me about how women have been helped on here. Disagreeing is not bullying, the viciousness from Bath is.

Bath just leave it now eh? I agree with your general point but it won't get you anywhere because you are coming across a bit abrasive.

Lets just give each other the benefit of the doubt now. The OP has said she didn't intend to come across the way she has, so we should leave it at that.

takes a look, remembers that she has a job, walks away slowly shaking her head

All our kids suffered because of our divorces, all had counselling and some have depression.....the consensus view that divorce does not damage the kids amounts to stupidity

The divorce did that? Or the situation that resulted in the divorce? And the personalities involved? And the behaviour of the parents? Are you saying that you were best friends throughout and just couldn't live together?

The assumption that 'staying does not result in damage' is equivalent stupidity.

I still haven't seen the evidence that women who post on relationships are being routinely told to throw away good relationships.

And who is saying all men or even some men are bastards?

I know you can't link threads but can anyone talk about an example where this happened? Where there was some cohort of man-haters demanding the OP left for a trivial reason?

I don't believe it happens.

I still can't understand why there are posters complaining about responses to an op - yet who can't be arsed to respond to the op at the time.

And LTB can apply to men or women too and always has.

My DS thrived after the divorce.