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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is splitting the only advice people on here are ever capable of?

654 replies

MrsCs · 21/02/2015 23:16

When someone is being abused, or someone is unfaithful, fine I get it, that's good advice.

On the other hand.....I've only been on this website a short time and every blinking thread about relationship problems gets 'why are you together?' 'what are you getting from this?'.

Relationships are hard work, they have good times and bad times, and it might help if people on here had a bit of creativity with their advice! Separations and divorces are very hard on everyone involved, and if it can be avoided it's most likely for the best, unless a couple are genuinely deeply unhappy.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:41

Soup we clearly disagree, can we just leave it?

I think you know fine I did not intend to cause you any distress and we were both a bit bitchy. It wasn't abuse on either part, we disagreed on something. Let's not compare it to the real pain caused by intentional abusers.

If you really think I'm an evil/lying/word twisting person then fair enough. I think we just misread each other but if you can't accept that then just stop posting, you can count it as me backing down if you like?

I don't think either of us should be proud of how caught up we got for a few minutes there.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 22/02/2015 23:42

Let's put the thread down to a red Leicester moment and move on.

Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:43

Agreed :)

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:44

On the proviso I can now use that saying actually, think my husband (who witnessed original cheese moment) would find it rather amusing!

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2015 23:47

soup you seem to be suffering quite a sophisticated two-pronged attack from two supposedly brand new posters who just happened upon this forum with very old opinions having magically sprung unaided into their inexperienced minds.

It's really quite extraordinary bad luck.

sliceofsoup · 22/02/2015 23:47

I get that you are pregnant OP, but seriously, its an online debate. I am not distressed and I hope you aren't either. I really don't take kindly to having my words twisted, and I won't just let it go, especially when I feel they are being twisted in a purposeful way. One of my faults. But I feel no ill will towards you or anyone else on this thread.

I am glad that you have got the answer to your initial question, and you have taken it on board, just please don't try to see something in my posts that isn't there. Perhaps if you knew all my shitty relationship history, you would know why I feel strongly about this, but you don't so all I can do is hope you will now think before you tell a poster to stick with their partner instead of letting them know they have options.

sliceofsoup · 22/02/2015 23:50

Bad luck follows me around.

tobee · 22/02/2015 23:53

I think I mentioned them once, twinkle, is that banging on in your eyes? I've read a couple.

Lweji, I got angry internally, at a very stressful time, and later made a pointless remark. It wasn't just because the test was related to age. I said that for the sake of brevity, but I can see how it could misconstrued. If you want to know, he had ignored numerous letters from gp, ignored some symptoms, I'd had a similar lot of tests and got diagnosed at a non life threatening stage, his dad had the same problem, his mum had died from an unrelated cause and had also chosen not to go to the doctor. Why was I momentarily angry? Because I'm a bad person!

Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:54

Okay soup, we'll leave it at that. Thank you for your concern but I'm not distressed either. Sorry to hear you have a bad relationship history. I'm sure we may cross paths again, hopefully we'll understand each other better next time.

Bathtime, you clearly think I am someone different. No idea who or why but I joined about a month ago (I think give or take a week). I have no clue what you are referring to? I haven't in anyway been rude to you and would as that you perhaps speak to someone in rl about your need to completely attack someone with no provocation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:55

*ask

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 22/02/2015 23:56

Yes, "bad luck" seems to follow you around, twisting your words, and then tell you that you are to blame.

But apparently bad luck is pregnant, so we all have to be kind to it.

Original poster
MrsCs · 22/02/2015 23:58

Wow!! You are getting very personal, who on earth have you got me mixed up with? I'm guessing someone you had a serious run in with. Do not refer to me as 'it'. Accepting there is something motivating your aggression that is still not okay!

OP posts:
sliceofsoup · 22/02/2015 23:58

My grandmother is still angry, 40 years later, with her husband. He died from a heart attack, and because he had symptoms in the month before, and refused to go to the doctor, she is still furious with him. I don't think she has grieved properly because she can't move past the anger. She is a very bitter woman now, and toxic.

So like I said before, I think its a very common reaction and I don't think it makes you a bad person.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 22/02/2015 23:58

Now that sounds like a typical relationship problem Bath

tobee · 22/02/2015 23:59

Truly sorry you've had shitty relationships, soup. I'm lucky enough not to have had that insight.

Bathtime, if you mean me, I've been a mumsnet poster on and off for years. Never claimed otherwise. Don't think I've posted on a relationship thread more than a couple of times. Btw, ironically, my friends, family and husband always say I should stick up for myself more often. Not working that well, but here's hoping OP feels better now some of you have kissed and made up.

BathtimeFunkster · 23/02/2015 00:02

You've been extremely rude about this board despite supposedly knowing fuck all about it.

You've been inexcusably obnoxious several times to far more insightful and valuable posters than you.

And pulling out the "what about the menz?" card so late was embarrassing, and showed your true hand.

The MN Relationships board is a rare a valuable place for women to be heard and get genuinely helpful advice from other women.

That makes some people very uncomfortable. Including you. That does not recommend you.

didyouwritethe · 23/02/2015 00:03

Are people still wondering why sensible posters hide Relationships?

In what way is: "But apparently bad luck is pregnant, so we all have to be kind to it" not abusive?

tobee · 23/02/2015 00:03

PS soup, I was saying to Lweji that I was a bad person. Hope I'm not bitter and toxic. IT was momentary, he didn't die, thankfully, and I love him even more. And I tell him so!

iwashappy · 23/02/2015 00:04

Well said Twinkle.

MrsC a lot of people on here do have strong opinions, sometimes born out of experience, you may have worked that out by now... Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Hello Bathtime I do hope you are not being sarcastic!!

Hope your luck changes soon Soup.

sliceofsoup · 23/02/2015 00:06

Yes I know you were tobee, but I had commented on your reaction earlier, and then I had thought about my gran, so I wanted to share that. She is bitter and toxic because she never moved past the anger, I wasn't implying you were. Her reaction was normal at the time, but she let it consume her which led to the bitterness.

Original poster
MrsCs · 23/02/2015 00:07

I've actually learned from lots of posters and changed my perspective, seriously read your own post before declaring anyone else obnoxious! I haven't got a true hand (wtf are on about or just on really).

I'm off to bed now. I seriously hope you are not one of the helpful and supportive people in your opinion because you come across as vile, abusive and vicious. Some one else may actually be upset by the way you attack, although I suspect you wouldn't care.

Lowering yourself the way you have only speaks volumes about who you are so it's not upsetting me. Say what you like, I couldn't feel good about calling someone I know nothing about 'it' for my own satisfaction, wow.

OP posts:
tobee · 23/02/2015 00:08

Good grief, bathtime, wer're all part of the relationship board aren't we? It's not just owned by you and the ones you deem to be valuable. Your attitude seems to be a pretty terrible recommendation. Amazed at your high handed ness.

sliceofsoup · 23/02/2015 00:09

Thanks iwashappy

Shit happens :o

Original poster
MrsCs · 23/02/2015 00:09

Thanks I was and didyou, really don't think I deserved that tirade.

Night everyone (again sorry for any offence I caused, wasn't meant that way)

OP posts:
tobee · 23/02/2015 00:17

After all this, I am genuinely happy that soup used the expression she wanted to share about her gran, even if she didn't mean to me, I hoped it was. Goodnight, sweet ladies, goodnight.

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