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Original poster

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines...

115 replies

HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 16:55

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines, or anything. We've been dating a few months so it's our first valentines.

He gave me a gift a few days ago because our anniversary falls in the same month but that's it. It wasn't wrapped or anything. It was a watch I wanted. And said this is a valentine/anniversary present.

He didn't have to do anything major yesterday. Maybe a card or even a Happy Valentines Day message. He says he doesn't believe in it. I ended up going out with my friends during the day before they had plans for evening with their partners. Even the guy at the place we ate at wished me a Happy Valentines.

I'm a big old romantic, he isn't by the way things are going. All my friends got flowers and got taken out. I got nothing. I believe the watch was more of a anniversary present than a valentines. He just thought he'd give it early so it looks like both.

For my birthday, he bought me flowers but that's it really. Didn't take me out, whereas I was planning this whole thing for his birthday but I didn't end up doing it as I thought I'm putting in too much effort.

Am I being unreasonable? I like showing acts of love and affectionate. He's not one those to go out of his way for me.
Like I always travel to him as he hates driving. Not once except for our first date, has he come to my area.

Maybe he's not into me as he thinks he is? But when we had a fight and I needed space, he got really upset and confessed how much he likes me and how upset he is that I'm not talking to him and that I'm the one. So I don't know really Sad

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 15/02/2015 16:58

So you didn't even see him yesterday?! Am I reading that correctly?

Joysmum · 15/02/2015 16:59

You haven't been going out long enough for him to know what you're like or for you to know him.

He's not unreasonable to not do Valentine's, you're not unreasonable to want to.

Maybe he thought that a watch when you've only been going out a few months was more than sufficient, he got you what you wanted after all and a watch is a bigger purchase than I'd had though necessary after only a few months together.

TokenGinger · 15/02/2015 17:01

The guy I am dating didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day. But we'd already said we think buying because commercialised shops say we should wasn't reallt what we are about. We did, however, spend the day together, watch Netflix and order ridiculously unhealthy food.

I think he should have visited you, at least, with it being a new thing. But as Joysmum said, if he's not in to it, then I guess he cannot be criticised for it.

My worry would be though, that he doesn't bother to come and visit you. I really wouldn't accept that.

pictish · 15/02/2015 17:02

He's showing you who he is. Don't expect him to become anyone else. He doesn't do effort or gifts or romance. He hates driving? That's going to end up a sore point isn't it?

merlehaggard · 15/02/2015 17:03

Am I being stupid? How can you have an anniversary in February if you have only been going out for a few months?

SassyPasty · 15/02/2015 17:03

Anniversary = 1 year, no? So how come the watch was an anniversary pressie if you've only been going out a few months? Hmm

I don't see the problem about Valentine's Day - after all, he did say the watch was for anniversary and Valentine's which is fair enough if you've not been together long. What did you get him?

As to the travelling, put your foot down and tell him he comes to you next time - his response should give you all the answer you need.

Brandnewattitude · 15/02/2015 17:07

So he celebrates a month/few months anniversary but not valentines but said the present was for both anyway? I'm confused.

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:09

Sorry I meant to say 11 months. Our anniversary is at the end of the month. I don't know I say a few. I think I say it automatically because it hasn't been a year yet!

No we didn't see each other. He didn't acknowledge the day.

The reason I put up with going to see him is because it's not that far and he pays and we usually got expensive restaurants that cost £50-60 a time so spending £5-10 on fuel is ok I suppose. But I don't know.
I'm the sort of person who would do that but I suppose he isn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:10

**i said a few.

OP posts:
Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:12

I bought him love heart chocolates got valentines but I don't think I'm going to give it to him now Sad.

I was going to get him football match tickets for our anniversary.

OP posts:
Brandnewattitude · 15/02/2015 17:13

So what was he doing last night instead of spending the evening with you?

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:13

*for valentines! (Sorry, I didn't know you can't edit posts, so I should read what I type!).

OP posts:
LineRunner · 15/02/2015 17:14

You can preview them before posting.

Anyway, yeah, what was he up to?

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:14

He is going on holiday tomorrow so packing!
It's not that he didn't even see me. It's the fact that he didn't even acknowledge it...

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 15/02/2015 17:17

What is the anniversary? Please don't say your second/third/fourth month anniversary! Hmm
Aside from the ridiculous Valentines hoo ha I would be slightly more thoughtful about the fact that he never makes the effort to come to you.
I would certainly be saying if he wants to see you then he needs to come to you every so often.
He is clearly not a romantic type..... and you are. Are romantic gestures like flowers/cards/chocolates etc etc really that important? There are other ways of showing love and affection. Does he know how you feel?

He got you a watch didn't he Smile

Quitelikely · 15/02/2015 17:18

But surely you realised he wasn't going to acknowledge it? He told you he didn't believe in it didn't he?

It's not a big deal IMO.

Surely it's better to receive a pressie randomly rather than on a said day of the year, every year?

So you drive to see him but he picks up food bills of £60 or so?

Seems like you're getting a good deal there to me!

I think you're being a bit spiteful by not giving him his chocolates, do you normally give to receive?

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:20

I know he must like me.

He wakes up at 5am and the first thing he does is wish me a good morning and goodnight. He's done that more or less everyday for a year and chats to me every single day.

But not coming to see me, not taking me out for my birthday or valentines, not acknowledging it are signs of "He's not that into you either" aren't they?

He wants to marry me too and he said this is his last boy holiday for now as he wants to go to new places with me, not his friends.

OP posts:
SassyPasty · 15/02/2015 17:21

But he already told you he doesn't believe in it (and I for one am totally with him on that) so I don't see this as really the problem here.

Are you otherwise happy in this relationship or do you crave more romance/time/effort? It seem a shame to get narky just because he didn't conform to what you expected on this particular day if the relationship is troubling along okay.

Why the 'was' going to get him tickets? He got you a lovely gift for your anniversary, has he forfeited his now for not buying a tenner's worth of tacky red roses which would have wilted in three days

SassyPasty · 15/02/2015 17:23

troubling = trundling

chocolatejunkie1 · 15/02/2015 17:23

Not a massive deal really it's a commercialised where the prices get hiked up. He got you a present didn't he?

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:23

No I will give him the chocolates.

I think I'm just upset that I'm the only one out of all my friends that didn't get anything valentine and got taken out.

It's because I'm a romantic. I'm one of those that'd see something that he likes, and buy it. Whereas he's the type to think "who've got money, buy it yourself".

The watch is nice but he ended up saying that it was more of a anniversary than a valentines present.

I would have got something for both days but we are just different I suppose.

OP posts:
rumred · 15/02/2015 17:24

Did you tell him you wanted to celebrate v day or just hope he would? You need to talk and be more assertive if it's the latter. We are all different
My gf left me in no doubt that she wanted a romantic v day- I don't care either way- so I made sure it was. If she hadn't said anything I wouldn't have.
Say what want and you may well get it

KarmaNoMore · 15/02/2015 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 17:26

No I will still buy him the tickets for the anniversary.

Maybe I thought it's our first valentines so it'd be special. All my friends made me think he'd make it special so I think I set myself up for a fall.

He didn't tell me he didn't believe in valentines day until Wednesday when I saw him. I thought he was going to surprise me, I don't know why...Blush

OP posts:
SassyPasty · 15/02/2015 17:26

You seem more than a little hung up on the 'things' that you receive from this chap. Do you equate gifts with love?