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Original poster

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines...

115 replies

HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 16:55

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines, or anything. We've been dating a few months so it's our first valentines.

He gave me a gift a few days ago because our anniversary falls in the same month but that's it. It wasn't wrapped or anything. It was a watch I wanted. And said this is a valentine/anniversary present.

He didn't have to do anything major yesterday. Maybe a card or even a Happy Valentines Day message. He says he doesn't believe in it. I ended up going out with my friends during the day before they had plans for evening with their partners. Even the guy at the place we ate at wished me a Happy Valentines.

I'm a big old romantic, he isn't by the way things are going. All my friends got flowers and got taken out. I got nothing. I believe the watch was more of a anniversary present than a valentines. He just thought he'd give it early so it looks like both.

For my birthday, he bought me flowers but that's it really. Didn't take me out, whereas I was planning this whole thing for his birthday but I didn't end up doing it as I thought I'm putting in too much effort.

Am I being unreasonable? I like showing acts of love and affectionate. He's not one those to go out of his way for me.
Like I always travel to him as he hates driving. Not once except for our first date, has he come to my area.

Maybe he's not into me as he thinks he is? But when we had a fight and I needed space, he got really upset and confessed how much he likes me and how upset he is that I'm not talking to him and that I'm the one. So I don't know really Sad

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 15/02/2015 18:04

HermoineWeasley - You're getting some flack on here!

I think many other women would feel a bit sensitive too, in your shoes. I'm sure this feeling is likely fuelled by the fact that you won't see him for a short while whilst he's away.

I totally understand that you feel hurt that he hasn't made an effort, and that he didn't on your birthday, but he does sound like he treats you good in the grand scheme of things - taking you out regularly for meals and such. Maybe at the point of your birthday, he didn't feel he had the authority to take control of plans if you hadn't been together too long? I'm not sure.

But maybe try not to get hung up on this and suggest arranging a romantic meal for when he gets back off holiday, and enjoy it because you both want to, not because commercialism says you should xx

AgathaF · 15/02/2015 18:05

He would listen but he's stubborn and I would have to just accept things - that's what relationships are about though. Accepting and loving your partner and their likes/dislikes, not trying to turn them into something they are not.

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 18:07

ImCatBug - ok, I liked your input.

Sassy - ha I see your point. But forget my friends, it's more so I wanted to celebrate it. I don't put things on social media or use snapchats. I just use it to see what everyone is upto. I'm not into showing off. I just like showing my partner my love! I only get to see him once a week as he's a contractor.

I think I just have unrealistic expectations. I probably do compare too much to my friends partners!

OP posts:
Joysmum · 15/02/2015 18:15

he told he didn't celebrate it on Wednesday and when I told him I did and how cute it is, he ignored me

It could be said you ignored him too given you didn't listen and still thought he'd celebrate it. Wink

He went to the effort of getting an anniversary present early for both. DH and I do that as our anniversary is in March. There's nothing wrong with that. Yesterday I was studying and in the evening we played monopoly with our daughter. We must have a really shit relationship.

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 18:18

Ha Joysmum. No sounds good to me.

This is my first serious relationship. I think I'm just learning. It's only been a year and at the beginning I saw him twice a month because of his job and he's moved back up north to be closer to me and to see me more regularly. I think I need to look at what he does do than the lack of romantic things he doesn't do!

OP posts:
WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/02/2015 18:32

At the risk of being flamed, I agree with your instincts, OP. He won't drive to see you, he didn't get you a birthday present and now he's blanked Valentine's Day. Those are three signs that he might like you, but he's not swept away. He's looking like he's just not that into you.

I don't know why he's talking marriage but can't be arsed to drive to your house. Confused What a joyous marriage it would be.

Use his holiday to pull WAY back (don't contact him at all while he's gone) and think about things with some distance.

DO NOT give him the chocolates. What'd be the point?! He's told you in words and actions that he doesn't believe in V-Day! So your first job on your To Do is to eat those chocolates. SAVOUR them. They're for sweet people who believe in romance, and who believe in leaving their house.

Did he give you an anniversary card with the watch, or just the watch? My guess is it was just the watch. Did he wrap it, or just present it in the box? My guess would be the box or it was wrapped in the shop. Really, that watch (that you told him you liked; did he ask for ideas or did it come up in conversation?) feels like a bit of a box-ticking exercise to me. I'm happy to be proved wrong though. What was christmas like?

Isetan · 15/02/2015 18:32

It's OK to want romantic gestures, it's just unrealistic expecting them from someone who doesn't.

However, him not driving to you and not sharing the traveling aspect of maintaining your relationship is selfish and if you're not happy with it, you should negotiate a fairer split.

If you have to lose who you are to stay in a relationship, it's too high a price to pay.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/02/2015 18:34

at the beginning I saw him twice a month because of his job and he's moved back up north to be closer to me and to see me more regularly.

More regularly = two more times per month? Is that all? Why can't he see you during the week?

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 18:47

WhatsGoingOn -

No he didn't wrap the watch. He got it online and asked for it to be wrapped but it still didn't come wrapped and he said he doesn't do wrapping. He didn't give me a card...he doesn't do cards either.

He told he hates his own birthday and when I told him I was going to buy him something, he told me I don't have to.

He told me he doesn't want anything for our anniversary either as he didn't buy me that watch so that I have to buy him something.

The watch is something I mentioned I wanted a few months ago. He obviously saved the online link I sent him when he asked me to send him the link to see because I didn't mention it since so that was nice.

No i see him once a week now. I used to see him twice a month at the beginning as he was living away depending on where his contract was situated. So he moved closer so he could see me more. He originally tried to get a job in the town I worked in to be even closer to me but he didn't end up getting it.

He's definitely not married. I'm on every social media he has. Plus I've met his brother.

We don't really celebrate Christmas. We are a different culture.

OP posts:
Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 18:50

The driving aspect is that he hates driving. He's a contractor who got train journeys paid for so I think it's made him lazy.

The reason I don't make a fuss is because 2/3 times, he pays for dinner. And there's more places to eat where he is as he lives in the city. He drives back home 10 mines, whereas my drive is 50 minutes. We could go to a city near me but I don't speak up...I don't know why. Maybe because I do like the city we go to.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 15/02/2015 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeCool · 15/02/2015 20:15

Valentine's Day isn't like God. It doesn't require belief to engage with it. As some said up thread, millions of guys by at least a card because if they don't someone is going to be hurt.

As for giving a one year "anniversary gift" at 11 months? Weird.
Add in the "I don't like driving" BS, something isn't ringing true for me here.

I think he's not that into you. Or you are not his only relationship. And that is why he did nothing for VD and tried to buy you off/shut you up with early anniversary gift.

What will he do on your anniversary now you have the watch?

BeCool · 15/02/2015 20:18

Ahh THE contractor who got Train journeys paid for and refused to drive to see you? you had a thread about that when you first started with him?

BeCool · 15/02/2015 20:21

Fuck me he doesn't do wrapping, or cards or give gifts on proper dates, or drive or VD. He buys online and gets unwrapped anniversary gifts delivered to you month early.

Op this is the best he will ever be!

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 20:22

Eh?? BeCool you are so off the mark.

We are going out for dinner on our anniversary.

He only gave the anniversary gift two weeks early because he wanted it to be a valentine/anniversary gift but admitted it was more of anniversary gift. I think he did that because he knew it was our first valentine but didn't really want to buy me a valentines gift.

We are "in a relationship" on Facebook. All his family and friends know about me...so no he's not in another relationship. I don't know why everyone jumps to that conclusion on here!

BeCool, yes that's him. Nothing's changed there!

OP posts:
Herhonesty · 15/02/2015 20:26

im in same position(see dating thread) dating since beginning of november. fair enough he was away with friend for the weekend but not a squiz, not even a text. its difficult not to be disappointed and it does feel a bit of a sign he's not that into me. oh and i sent a card... how stupid do i feel.

still. live and learn i suppose.

Back2Two · 15/02/2015 20:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

BeCool · 15/02/2015 20:39

So what do you think would happen to your relationship if you couldn't drive for 2 months?

ITHOUGHTISAW2ANGELSAHEADOFME · 15/02/2015 20:40

Your not my sister are u. Was only texting this subject yesterday. My advice was to her. Not all men like valentines day because it becomes expected of
Them to provide something nice. And the other thing i said was perhaps he has another thing planned for another time.

MelonBallersAreStrange · 15/02/2015 20:43

We could go to a city near me but I don't speak up...I don't know why.

He would listen but he's stubborn and I would have to just accept things.

Do speak up. Do expect him to drive even though he isn't keen on it.

His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

rosepetalsoup · 15/02/2015 20:46

No - find someone on your wavelength and as romantic as you. Don't be frightened to throw him back having enjoyed your time thus far! You should be much happier than this. Or at least able to have a little row with him and clear things up, even get him to change a little to meet you in the middle!

Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 20:55

No, our anniversary is the end of this month. I don't want to give the exact date in case I'm ever outed or the 1/millionth chance he comes across this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 20:57

I thought he really liked me because he speaks to me from morning to night, he is so proud of everything I achieved and do and is talking marriage to me.

Now people are saying he's not that into you. I'm so confused!

OP posts:
BeCool · 15/02/2015 20:57

You did mention before OP that you don't like driving either. But you do all the driving. Does you P know this? Don't you spend the night together/stay over after you have spent a nice evening together?

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