Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines...

115 replies

HermoineWeasley · 15/02/2015 16:55

He didn't wish me a Happy Valentines, or anything. We've been dating a few months so it's our first valentines.

He gave me a gift a few days ago because our anniversary falls in the same month but that's it. It wasn't wrapped or anything. It was a watch I wanted. And said this is a valentine/anniversary present.

He didn't have to do anything major yesterday. Maybe a card or even a Happy Valentines Day message. He says he doesn't believe in it. I ended up going out with my friends during the day before they had plans for evening with their partners. Even the guy at the place we ate at wished me a Happy Valentines.

I'm a big old romantic, he isn't by the way things are going. All my friends got flowers and got taken out. I got nothing. I believe the watch was more of a anniversary present than a valentines. He just thought he'd give it early so it looks like both.

For my birthday, he bought me flowers but that's it really. Didn't take me out, whereas I was planning this whole thing for his birthday but I didn't end up doing it as I thought I'm putting in too much effort.

Am I being unreasonable? I like showing acts of love and affectionate. He's not one those to go out of his way for me.
Like I always travel to him as he hates driving. Not once except for our first date, has he come to my area.

Maybe he's not into me as he thinks he is? But when we had a fight and I needed space, he got really upset and confessed how much he likes me and how upset he is that I'm not talking to him and that I'm the one. So I don't know really Sad

OP posts:
BeCool · 16/02/2015 10:38

Elizabeth I agree completely.

BeCool · 16/02/2015 10:43

Calleigh the watch was an "early" anniversary gift, which he ordered online and had it sent directly to OP unwrapped. He doesn't "believe" in wrapping. The anniversary isn't until the end of the month.

So imagine getting a parcel from Amazon 3 weeks in advance of a special day, unwrapped and no card and then your P calls and says "oh its for Valentines too".

Thoughtful? Really? It's about as thoughtful as petrol station flowers.
Beyond a bit of online shopping, I don't see any thought in that at all?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 16/02/2015 10:53

I don't think you should stick with him in case you end up with someone worse! You sound quite young, you have plenty of time to find someone who ticks all of your boxes. Don't settle for someone who doesn't. You have posted about his lack of romance more than once so it's obviously a big deal to you. Listen to your instincts.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 16/02/2015 10:54

I don't think you should stick with him in case you end up with someone worse! You sound quite young, you have plenty of time to find someone who ticks all of your boxes. Don't settle for someone who doesn't. You have posted about his lack of romance more than once so it's obviously a big deal to you. Listen to your instincts.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 16/02/2015 14:18

OP, this bloke sounds worse and worse! OK so you both don't want to sleep at your shared house, but why does that mean that he NEVER comes to pick you up and take you out near where you live? If you're not actually spending the night together, what difference does it make where you go out? Please note - there is a two-hour round trip between your houses. It's the same for both of you. Roads go both ways. WHY SHOULD YOU BE THE ONLY ONE DRIVING IT? especially if you've got work the next day and he hasn't. ?!?!

Or does going out near your house just mean he wouldn't get a shag (like he can when you come to his)?

Or did he just get grumpy and weird whenever you suggested going out near you, so you're too scared to suggest it in case you lose him?

YES you might ditch him and end up with a romantic cheat. But there's an EQUALLY high chance that you'd end up with someone NORMAL -- i.e., a man who believes Valentine's Day, present-wrapping and cards are all a bit rubbish BUT DOES THEM ANYWAY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

This reminds me horribly of my first marriage. He was a selfish arse and I wrapped myself up in knots trying to silence what I wanted in order to keep him around. Well, congrats to me, I kept him for 10 years, and they were the longest and most miserable of my life. Yay! Hmm

My new fiancé thinks V-day is total bollocks but has NEVER not bought me a card, a present, and cooked or bought a meal. Never. Ditto birthdays, ditto anniversaries. Real men place making their partner smile WAY above their own petty stubbornness about really quite "normal" things. OK, even if you let V-Day go, NO cards, NO wrapping, ever? That's just weird. I promise, it's weird.

This might be your first long-term relationship but I hope very, very much it's not your last. Yes he might text you when he's away (big deal), but he won't even pick you up for a date when you've got work the next day; he'd rather you drove home at night, late, alone. Love? Really?? that's not how most men show real love. Men are usually protective in love.

Stop justifying things. Read "Why men Love Bitches" (its not about mind games, it's about getting a backbone) and start running your life to best suit you. When you're young, unmarried and childfree it's the ONLY time you can do it, so DO IT.

The first step is, decline the opportunity to drive 2 hours to have dinner bought for you when you're working next day. "Sorry, doesn't work for me."

WhatsGoingOnEh · 16/02/2015 14:24

And stop believing his talk about marriage and houses. It's not flattering and romantic, it's either a) Just Talk; or b) Terrifying, because then you'd be doomed to have no romance in your life ever, ever again. Ever. You'd be driving yourself and your kids all over the place alone (lovely). You'd be sending him a link every year for him to chuck your own chosen, unwrapped gift at you maybe mid-June, so it could do for birthday, V-Day, anniversary, Christmas all together.

what does your Dad say about this bloke? I can't see him approving at all. If he knows all this.

fluffapuss · 17/02/2015 22:45

I think that this guy "is not that into you"

I dont see him making much effort & you have only been dating for a short time

I think you are both going through the motions, but are not feeling "the real full on head over heels love thing"

But, you know him better than all of us...

I think you can both do better...

Good luck

jasper · 17/02/2015 23:33

you are being unreasonable
He expressed his dislike of VD.

I am troubled by your phrase " take me out "
what was stopping you from doing the cards , flowers , "taking him out " ?

he's either a good guy or he's not but VD is not the litmus

alittleangel · 31/01/2018 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MiltonBurnedTheBuildingDown · 31/01/2018 19:10

Blatant Etsy seller is blatant.

longta · 31/01/2018 19:17

Rubbish.

Bendyandtheinkmachine · 31/01/2018 19:19

I would think the person giving me that gift didn't like me. HTH

Bekabeech · 31/01/2018 19:59

His wife has only just left but he's worried about the gift for his new girlfriend?

Maybe he needs to give her the gift of growing up first?

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/01/2018 20:00

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Alisonstevenson · 23/02/2019 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread