The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

joey I got a dress on eBay so will let you know once it arrives...

Well, another spectacular row with dh...for the first time I told him he was"fucking pathetic". Looks like my plan to survive for a few years more isn't going to work. Dont really know what to do in terms of action. Need to be here for DS..

ma, don't honestly know what to say, but sympathy

Oh Ma

Ok. Going to photocopy a lot of stuff tomorrow - mortgage etc - and take a bag of clothes etc into work. Going to go through the shared bank account and see what I can separate out into his and mine and shared. He will be up in an hour, get D's( which is what tonights row was about) then he will go to work.
I need to do stuff....need to plan....need to stay calm

I think there are website that you can check to find out what benefits you would be entitled to. Don't know what they are, sorry, but someone else might.

Lots of solicitors will give a free half hour and citizens advice can point you in the right direction for all sorts of help x

Citizens Advice website

At the bottom of the CAB page there are links to financial advice too.

Thanks faire

Big hugs Ma We are here for you X

You're welcome ma, sorry you're going through this right now but, as usual on this bus, you are not alone. I found a benefits calculator:

Find out what you are entitled to

You'll need all your paperwork handy.

When I spilt with exh I found that I needed so much less to live on than I thought - pared down, stripped back life - it was good.

And worth it

He dropped D's home and has gone. I presume to work. Neither of us can afford to move out, or pay the mortgage on our own, or buy the other person out or even pay to put the damn flat on the market.There is noe disposable income and no savings. There is no way out. I am in bed.

ma sorry to butt into this thread - I lurk.. I've recently split with ex and I'm not going to lie it's been bloody hard !! I've had to cut back on everything !! It's stressfull for sure........ But when I look back at how it was with him all the rows, screaming, emotional abuse and more I KNOW that this is better and it will keep getting better if I keep going.. He has tried to block me at every turn and makes this difficult but that just assures me this is for the best. I've just put our house up for sale and you don't have to pay any estate agents fees etc until it is sold .. Sure you know that though.. Sending you hugs have been on your shoes x

*in

ma I recommend Mediation - they can help you split your assets fairly, figure out what you need to live on etc. They can also help with the impact on your DS. I found them very supportive - in a neutral sort of way. They just gave advice, without judgement. A bit like the Bus!

You are not alone.

Dear Brave Babes

I had a thread on Relationships last week about being concerned for a good friend.

She has been through alcohol rehab about 5 years ago. She is under pressure, and is drinking again- I'm not sure how much - but the worrying thing is that she's hiding it, drinking in the loo, from a water bottle, only when she doesn't have the kids to look after, etc. It's also good pressure that she's under - very dynamic time for her at work in the new job that she loves. Not sure how that particularly makes a difference, as opposed to her drinking because of bad stress, but it probably does.

She is in a professional job of great responsibility, where being drunk on the job would lead to instant sacking and being struck off, i.e. never being able to get another job. She has 2 children, and has 50% shared care with her ex-husband. The ex husband is an emotionally abusive git to her, though probably a lot of that is because of the alcohol. They each do their best - and they manage to be good parents - but she is contending with alochol and the demons that started the alcohol; and he's contending with extreme fear of the whole alcohol situation, as well as not being the most emotinoally mature person to start with.

I'm having dinner with her tomorrow night.

Do you have any advice on whether I should try to talk about the alcohol? What I should say?

The conclusion of the thread last week was that I shouldn't try to talk about it. But since then there's been another thing she unexpectedly hasn't turned up to, and i am increasingly worried.

Morning All.

Ma, I do hope you managed to get some rest. Stay strong.

Kiri, I don't have any answers. I didn't get to the point of being able to stay AF until my DH finally addressed my drinking directly. I needed someone to notice - but it was mortifying. Your friend clearly needs help. Perhaps start with that rather than making it about drinking straight away?

It is an odd morning here. I have waved DH off to work and now I'm not sure what to do with myself.

Out of the blue last night I had a real itch for a glass of wine - about 9pm - which is odd in itself because that wasn't my witching hour. It was really really strong. I sat on it for a few minutes, then told DH, who shrugged - which was just the best response, because it didn't give me permission, but didn't put me in the position of being told "No" like a child. So I sat and thought about it for another five minutes. And it did pass - not just , "No I won't", but "That's not what I wanted".

Have a good day Babes.

Morning all.

Kiri I would ditto Sweet and try to see if she needs help with anything as you've noticed she's not turned up for a meeting. It's difficult when I don't know the person, did she tell you about her problem drinking last time or did you mention it?

Sweet you don't need to do anything today so enjoy it. Well done fighting WW she really does turn up when you least expect it. Hope you gave her a big smack round the face.

Ma when I split with ex I didn't think I could afford it but did manage it. You def need to get some advice as that will make things clearer - you can have mortgage breaks that kind of thing. I had to do interest only mortgage for a while which wasn't ideal by any stretch but meant I kept my house which gave me stability.

Aargh is that the time? I need to rush off to work still in pj's. 'Speak' later

Morning babes,

Just wanted to say firstly a massive Thank you to all of you, I was so relieved and glad to be back in control and on the bus and your amazing, supportive comments floodied me with hope and encouragement rather than finger wagging. faire your posts are always very honest but with a lovely caring edge and yours to me really really hit home, alcohol brings nothing good Into my life, as my "episodes" get darker, it heightens my determination to beat it.

As I type this I'm actually giddy with relief to be back to leading my simple, not dynamic but vaguely rewarding life. I adore my dh, have 2 healthy girls (although both very very challenging) amazing and well parents and good friends... During my last bout of sobriety, I would literally thank the heavens every night for letting me have a "normal" day that day, my depressive, alcohol fuelled days make me shudder with fear..... What I cannot fathom and I need to figure out is why I picked up that first drink, it was a horrible bottle of spirits that had been lying for yonks, it was at 10 at night, I downed this horrible liquid almost boking on it!!! The whole situation seems ridiculous to me now but there is clearly something In me that needs to be fixed or controlled at least!!!!

Any I'm prattling on, I sometimes think I'm missing something, some magical happiness gene, contentment cell, the things that make all the women I see around me seem so much better at this strange, wonderful, rich yet boring, thankless but blessing of a life we all lead!!!! and breathe xxxxx

ma I left dh1 with nothing but my 2 year old and my handbag, no job and no money, (he wouldn't leave the house). Got lots of great advice and support from "advice works", you should have one near you, within a few months, I had a house, a new job and the hope of being happy again one day, everyone deserves that!!! Good luck and stay strong xxxxxx

thanks - will make it about current levels of pressure/ needs for help. Saw her tonight and she was fine, though clearly extremely busy.

Last time, I didn't live here and didn't know her. She told me about the whole thing once, but we haven't discussed it again. I have noted alcohol on her breath a few times - twice including last week where I've wondered about saying something because I've noticed that she's hiding it (coming back from the loo reeking of it, etc). She's so extremely competent that it's very difficult to reach out and get behind the mask of multitasking brilliance. I also kind of don't want to, because to chip away at the mask is to make things harder for her to juggle. It's just such a dangerous situation - she stands to lose so much if there is one false step.

Morning babes, had my hypnosis to stop smoking on Saturday, and so far haven't smoked. Upside of that also is that I didn't touch a drink all weekend, no thought for a drink, no desire for a drink.

Well done obrigada xxx

kiri your friend is lucky to have a friend like you xxx

Baby {hugs}, you aren't prattling. An old therapist used to encourage me to keep a 'bank book' a diary of feelings - especially positive ones, so that I could reread them to remind myself when I started focusing on the negative. I see our posts on the bus like that.

Obrigada, brilliant - are the two things linked - so when you light up you reach for a drink? it could be that taking one away is helping break the relationship with the other. Keep it up, your body will feel like a temple before you know it .

It's grey and rainy down here, but definitely warmer than it has been. I've spent the morning ironing, which at least makes me feel like I am helping DH - ironing is usually his thing. Puss has been 'helping' - everyone needs a kitten sat on the end of their ironing board!