The Brave Babes Battle Bus - The Wheels On This Bus Go Around And Around, In Search Of Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

This is the brave babes bus, Gerald. He travels far and wide, to wherever he's needed to offer non judgemental support, advice and Opal Fruits!!

We can tell you about the kind of places that can help, your GP can be the first and easiest place to start, or you can look up you local community addiction centre, or even just come onto the thread and let it all out.

There are posters here who have been on the Bus from the start and those who have just joined us

It doesn't matter how long you've been here, the fact that you have taken that first amazing step in acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, things aren't quite right with your drinking is truly MASSIVE!!

This is a safe place for you to just be and to be as honest as you like, or just to talk.

We'll listen

And if you'd like to see our last thread, you can JUST HERE

Plus if you'd like to see where these threads all began, you can read all about that YOU CAN READ THIS VERY EMOTIONAL AND MOVING THREAD

See you soon,

Mouse xxx

(But we do)

Thank you all, forgive me if I get confused initially with names. Or keep me right.

Khalisi 10k, wow well done, and on the relationship. Sounds nice.

Sweet our kids are off for two weeks from Thursday. I am dreading it.

obrigada well done! I want to be you next week.

I'm on day two, this usually isn't a bad day as I don't usually have anything on a Monday. I am off swimming with the kids later.

sweet sometimes when my kitten is all ensconced sleeping in my arms, I kiss his little soft paw pads. Yesterday while watching him I realised it's the same little pads that he bats his shite about with and dugs around in his own wee, not be doing that again!!! Yuk yuk yuk xxx

khalisi sounds like things are going really great, a good man is a rare and wonderful thing, you must remember not to tar this lovely chap with same brush, it's so hard I know but let this new, separate, very lovely relationship develop and enjoy being spoiled. I imagine you as being smoking hot, fit, wearing cashmere and chanel no 5 in a beautiful rambling house, somewhere in Europe, am I right? Xxx

sweet absolutely gorgeous and the pups cute too, love the table !!! Seriously he is beautuful and your home looks lovely xxxx

I have a terrible habit of looking at every other woman, man, relationship, children, homes, finances and always comparing myself. Everyone else seems to have life sussed, or are we all pretending???? Does anyone else look at other couples, families and think they are happier, do more together, seem more grown up and defo don't use swear words when they fight or am I looking for a richness in life that's not actually real?? I don't know if I'm deluded or just had really bad luck twice in my life, only had 2 relationships to base my thoughts on!!!

Anyway enough rambling from me, just wish I could figure out how to be happy, safe and loved, can't be that bloody hard, can it ???

Xxxcc

stella I was still vomitting on my last day 2, bile and blood. Please I don't mean to scare you, just big you up for getting out there and getting back to the real world, the sound of my dd's laughing in the pool or rolling about the floor messing is a joyous, glorious sound and makes me remember why I'm on this journey, you are doing brilliantly xxx

babyjane I think everyone is fighting their own battles. I used to think everyone seemed to have life so much easier than me, in their stepford lives. But now I don't really care.
I have engrained the feeling I had yesterday of ill, grey, lifeless, dehydrated rat of the sewer. I have decided every time I feel like I can have one or two, this is the image I will create.... all good in theory!
You have made the pool seem more exciting that it will be. I will try and be positive!

Baby I just burst out laughing - because DH who is desperately in love with Puss, but thinks pup is sweet but disgusting, 'holds hands' with puss when ever she sleeps on the sofa! .

The table was a lot bit of an indulgence when we moved house, I managed to stop DH buying the matching sideboard - which would have been a bit too 'footballer's wives'!

But I know what you mean about not feeling like a grown up (I am NOT ) and looking at other people. Need to stop!

Stella I found DS incredibly stressful for the junior years; as grotty as he is at 13, I am much more oriented to teens and older (I'm an academic, so probably a good thing), and now find him (mostly) lovely. Don't beat yourself up for finding them difficult, it's what no one tells you about parenthood. All that Facebook crap about little angels and munchins is just for show!

Hi babes. Well, Baby I certainly think everyone's life is better than mine at the moment. Certainly I can't look at Facebook sometimes - everyone seems to have husbands who are good providers and adore them and I wonder what is wrong with me that my husband despises me.

Work has gone from bad to worse. Have one day now to decide whether to sign VE form and just found out we can't withdraw them if we change our mind. HR held them back from us for 10 days pretending they didn't have them to panic us into a decision. No resolution on the secondment issue and no idea if my VE figures are right. Legal advice inconclusive. I actually, literally feel like I am having a breakdown. Every time I try to focus I start crying. WB just told me off for crying saying 'that won't fucking solve anything'

Seriously, I could jump off a bridge I'm so stressed.... Have been drinking like a fish since Thursday but called a halt today so having Day 1 grotty feeling, but I feel if I don't stop now I never will

My life is a mess.

Afternoon, tis me Mouse

Well, it's official. My little left paw is fractured, it's a closed fracture and my scaphoid joint still is red, raised and a hard lump so that has to be addressed when I go to hospital and see a doc in the fracture dept.

I know there are bigger problems that some of my closet friends are facing right now...... but this is something I can do without with Nemo being off school....

He's 5 and weighs about 17kg but that's 17kg I can't carry just now :(

Anyway, I'm dragging my tiny, furry bottom to sit and drawer with him, at least it wasn't my right paw!

Sorry for the pity post. xxx

Have some Blacksticks Blue, Mouse (my fav cheese)

That's a pretty impressive splint, what's the prognosis? Four weeks, six weeks?

Hope so wish I was an employment law expert - feel certain that what they are doing to you is wrong

OMG. where to begin. (I'm so stupid. Being refreshing my window the whole day thinking where is everyone?! Just realised I was stuck on page 37!!!

Oh Mouse my pet, that is just the shittiest luck! There never is a good time for these things to happen but school holidays?! Fuck.

Hope my darling. I honestly don't know what to say. People can be so very horrible. my love.
And FUCK WB!!! You could have saved a lot me Money if you didn't have his fucking artsy ass sponging off you!!!
And fuck his Family! Why should you spend you last pennie on them?! I can't imagine you would have contact with them if they weren't his relatives.
Shit. I really am furious now.
Going to take a shower and come back.

Ok. Sorry for my outburst.
Not taking anything back though. Hope raw deal.

baby and Hope I remember many years ago I used to think that other people's lives were better. In particular a lovely, very wealthy couple exH and I knew. I am positive, like 100% sure he is owling for his own team. Anyway. One day we were sitting in their living room and he was looking for a chip that had fallen under the sofa cushion. And he fishes out his wife's thong! The way they looked at each other, and he said 'in the living room?! I thought, OMG, they are just for show!!!

Since then, whenever I catch myself wondering I say, K, from the outside all lit houses with a fire burning look loving.
But it doesn't mean there is love in there.

And I can tell you, the things I know about most of the Long term relationships around me!
No, no, my dears. I think some of us are just better at hiding our awful!

And yes Baby, your description of me!
Yes, I am on the continent. Who knows?! Maybe one day you come by and we go for long walks in snow through the woods! Very bohemian!
Trying to look at new chap as just that, new chap. My friend told me his ex did a number on him. It is nice that he didn't become an arse after that like so many people do.

And noooo! Stella NOT a relationship!!! A... friendship.

Ok, need to do some preparing for my little holiday!

hope I totally agree with khalisi x 100000, I feel terrible for you xxx

I have a blinding headache... and it's not even a bloody hangover. This VE thing is a bitch. What to do????

Hope I've only caught the end and I feel terrible for you too.
Sorry Khalisi - friendship
Mouse -hope the hand heals quickly.

I really want a wine tonight but youngest is in bed so the want is passing.

Oh god, Hope, maybe Ruby will come on soon? Did you PM her? Didn't she say that was her speciality?
Do PM if you haven't already.
I'm really sorry.

Stella, babes, don't apologise. I'm just allergic to the word.

Night, babes.

Hope, write Ruby before you sleep!

Hi Khalisi - already written to Ruby but she doesn't seem to be about at the moment . It's a funny situation anyway, my colleague's partner is an HR Manager and she said she's never seen a case like it

Wankbadger just excelled himself by shouting at me for not doing the washing up and saying he hates it when I'm at home (!!!) In the house I fucking bought and paid for without his help. So am going into work tomorrow for the last day. Have been staying away for the last few days cos I was having a breakdown at work and now am too worn down by his temper to stay in my own house. I really, really want to just neck back neat vodka now, but am going to bed instead to see if I can sleep off this headache.

I hate my life. Kids aside, I feel like nobody in RL actually gives a shit about me at all apart from as someone to facilitate their lives. If WB catches sight of the spousal 'death in service' clause in my contract he'll probably kill me for the cash .

Shit, I'm bloody crying with self pity now. I hate this.

Oh hope I wish I could make this better for you.
If your life is imploding is now the time to see the whole thing through and kick wnkbadger out? Is your house. Time to start over?
I sympathise with you on so many aspects of your life just now. Dont feel worthless. You are NOT worthless. You are strong. Keep breathing.....

hope get him out, even if the worst happens and your not working, you'll get benefits and more of them if your a single parent . He sounds absolutely vile and I'm so feckin no FUCKIN FUCKIN FUCKIN angry at him for being so arrogant. I can't believe you share your life with this lowlife!!! I beg of you, throw him out, there must be childcare options other than him. I'm furious for you, and I so wish I could give you a hug my lovely friend xxx

I'm with baby although I do understand its easier said than done. But maybe now is the time, love

Are you ok hope
Also crutched are you ok too? What's happening with dh and the kids....

hope did you manage to sleep off the headache? So very frustrated for you. One day your husband will wake up and realise how much he depends on you - but it will be too late because you've kicked him out!

Hope we are here for you. Let it out and keep letting it out. I have no idea of what is the best thing to do re employment but I do know that often bad things do lead to good.

We never know what is around the corner, all is not lost, you have every reason to feel at your wits end right now but also every reason to keep slogging on. Things will change now. The change is being forced upon you, not your choice but it will happen non the less. Hang on in there. Keep posting, stay with us.

Your life is about to take you somewhere unknown and that's scary but we are here to share the journey with you x

crutched and get how's it going? Most babes are probably tucked up iin bed by now but if you read this tomorrow or several days down the line, do pop in and let us know you're ok. Or not x

Hi guys, long time no speak - MIL has been here and since I literally can't run away she has been here all the time. And we have all been dancing (well not me since I can't etc etc), around pretending everything is fine.

Mouse from one broken bone to another, what a pain. I am so sorry. I hope it heals quickly and you have help. My youngest has SN and just does NOT understand he can't keep hanging off me and I have been given this strange plastic exoskeleton to help with it - so the bones can't be damaged further. I don't know if they have an arm equivalent? Thinking of you.

hope I am speechless about what you are going through. One thing I would say (bitter experience) - if at your lowest point, your 'DP' is kicking you when you are down? That says a lot about them and NOTHING about you. I wish I could help with the work situation. Thinking of you.

Stellar I drank myself to the point of withdrawals, do let me know if you need a hand-hold. I am awake all the time so your 2am is probably my lunchtime!

guys I am running out of time here, DH will be back soon and I am on his computer (just on phone usually).

One thing I wanted to ask was about periods. I have noticed that a few of my complete 'out of it' benders have been just before my period. I didn't know I was going to get the period, but as I was 'recovering' I would get it. Does the one bring on the other?? Should I be paying more attention, could my hormones be increasing my urge to self-destruct??

Just an interesting correlation. Or maybe I am clutching at straws (or worse!)

Had a bit of a setback with the leg, but am able (thanks to exoskeleton), to make it up and down stairs now. Every little helps.

Was NOT AF but intend to be. Wine has taken away so much and added nothing, but I still seem to believe I need the crutch (ironic).

Bugger, Bugger, Bugger.

Never trust a quiet Pup. He has just chewed through the second and last Mac Book charging lead in the house. I feel stupid for not checking it was safe and desperate that I am shortly to be deprived of my lap top

Hope the others have said what I think too. WB is so undermining he is worse than no support. As scary as it is, now might be your best opportunity to make the break - he may be more willing to go if he thinks you won't be supporting him.

Crutched I think, that I often drank more before my period because I was feeling down, or out of sorts, but then, I drank everyday anyway.

Right, hope there is a little ray of light for everyone today, even if it's only finding a green opal fruit you didn't know you had