my partner spat in my face.

[SeriouslyConfusedNow]

ive posted about this big fuck up of a relationship before. basically, he stayed the night with his friend for work early in the morning, i dont have a problem with that. he came back making my life hell, saying i didnt respond to his fb message saying he loved me even though i only saw it as we were texting anyway. he is on another fucking planet. after two days of rowing i told him to go, he stood on my doorstep and spat right in my face. he thinks i spend the nights alone chatting up men on fb, i deserve better then this surely?

You do. No matter what the argument reasons, no spit in someone's face is beyond vile.

Obviously not acceptable. Based on what you've said he sounds unhinged. Steer clear and make yourself happy.

If you've told him to go, you've answered your own question. However, if it's all happened before and you know it's a big fuck up but you've let him back into your life, what's going to be different this time? How are you going to get yourself off the merry-go-round for good?

Definitely deserve better - even if you don't quite believe it.

what are you confused about? (as per your username).

There is very little to be confused about from where we are standing, so maybe you could try explaining why this doesn't seem like a cut-and-dried case to you.

ive wanted to get out of this for so long, but he gets my kids involved, kicks up a big fuss when i try to hide it from them. he phones them, he knocks the door, he wont leave us alone. my son already left home once because of it and my heart was truly broken. he came back and i dont want to jeapordise it all again.

The whole thing is abusive. Spitting (assault), verbal abuse, harassment, bullying children, bullying you..... You are going to need to involve the police before you get shot of this man. Womens Aid would be a good starting point 0808 2000 247

Why did your son leave home? Because of this person's behaviour or because you took him back?

It doesn't sound like staying under duress is your best option, but rather, how to make sure that once you split up, you ensure that he can no longer contact you or your children.

Phone numbers can be changed.
You can call the police to remove him from your doorstep.

You again ? Putting your relationship with this utter loser before your kids ? You need to wake up, fast before it's too late.

there is something hate filled about spitting on someone

it denotes an utter lack of care and respect much more then a punch does

it's a huge red flag towards escalating physical abuse

my son was 15 coming 16 when he left to stay with his dad, he said he couldnt stand the rowing anymore. i try so hard to hide it from the kids but my partner just wont stop. the slightest thing he will kick off over, i get so upset but i bite my tongue now and pretend im ok, my partner knows this so he goads me, wont let me sleep, makes me cry and then whispers to me he will destroy my life if i call it a day.

anyfucker, ive been on mn long enough to know you like to stir, so give me a break yes? i used to pummel shit out of "weak" women on here until i was in that position. walk a mile.

If he goes around kicking your door and harassing you, keep calling the police.
There's no way around it.
Go no contact and tell him that any contact from him and the police will be involved.

So stop calling this person your partner, kick him out and move on. Simple.

and for the record, i agree with your last post, not the one before, my kids are my life.

If he's threatening to destroy your life then you have to get him neutralised. It's going to mean reporting him to the police, nothing less.

So contact the police now. Report the assault. Tell them the full story..... The threats, the abuse, the distress of your children, the stalking and harassment. No more keeping quiet.

It's not AF you should turn your anger towards. It's to your (hopefully) exPartner.

So, you've tried appeasement, and that hasn't worked.
Time to change tactics, no?

No, your kids are not "your life"

This man is "your life"

Your 15/16 year old son was smart enough to not want this in his life and to get out. I don't understand why you are still asking if you're 'worth more'?

In the OP's defence, getting out of an abusive relationship where there is coercive control, intimidation, threats and physical violence can be very difficult. However, there are agencies and organisatons that can help get this man away permanently and that's what she has to do urgently if she wants to have any chance of a normal life for herself and especially the children.

Pretending the rows aren't happening is not the way to maintain a relationship with your son, OP. Calling the police and getting him excluded from you, your family and your home is.

anyfucker, you have really got me all wrong. my kids are my life. they are number one priority and im doing my very best to shield them from a relentless dickhead who wont quit. dont you get that? im trying to laugh it off and pretend its all ok. he has just gone to stay at his friend's house for work.

They wouldn't need 'shielding' though, would they, if you just got rid of the dickhead. You're hardly doing them any favours, are you, keeping this guy around and lying to them that this is normal and ok and something to 'laugh off'. Do you think maybe your anger against AF is misplaced?